This is my first time posting here. I have been looking for more help and support. I have been on another support forum, but they don't really deal with suicidal feelings. 9 months ago I was sexually assaulted. My therapist keeps on calling it rape, but I have been having trouble accepting it as so. I had allowed him in my car, and had gotten high with him. He then forced me to give him oral sex. He would not get out of my car until I did so. I begged him not to make me do that. He took my face in his hands and told me that he wanted me to do that. It was such a scary situation. I've been seeing a therapist, and she thinks I may have PTSD. I already struggle with depression, and have been 5 years sober and 9 months clean. I got clean the next day that happened. I just need help right now, I guess. My emotions have been bouncing back and forth, and have been having trouble actually feeling what happened to me. Any ideas on how to break the barrier? Thanks for listening.