*possible triggers* cutting

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by RubySinn, Aug 14, 2014.

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  1. RubySinn

    RubySinn New Member

    Back in 2006 i suffered a miscarriage...3 days before my 26th birthday. it was devastating to say the least, a few weeks later the father broke up with me but we continued to live together. the emotional strain from this all strained our relationship badly, on top of this the father of my other child had been keeping our son from me. Sadly i started cutting. this strained my relationships i had with people. i felt weak and empty and caved to all the pressures. Several months later i met the woman who to become my best friend. she encouraged me to join the local roller derby team and it looked as though i had finally found an outlet that was much healthier for me. a few practices in i broke my leg and i ended up moving in with her so she could help look after me while i got better. we grew very close and i confided everything in her. She didn't even judge about the scars i had on my arm , she just told me she understood and was familiar herself. she had given me this wonderful book that really just opened my eyes , and sadly at this time i cannot for the life of me remember the name of the book. but it was nice to read someone else's story about their struggle. i went from 2007 to summer of 2008 without cutting, i hit a rough spot, did it again. That time a very good friend of mine made me promise i wouldn't do it ever again. I proudly abstained from it. i moved to Atlanta , ga for 4 years I had a great job, eventually 2 great jobs, a man who loved me, etc. in 2012 my relationship ended and i found myself in Columbia,SC living with my best friend again and her family. My ex told me i would never make it without him and was almost certain he would see me fail now that we had split up and that he was the only reason i made it through those four years. Since in Columbia, i have made some new friends, have a new job etc. a year into being here i met an amazing guy and fell very, very hard for him. i had dated before him but no one clicked with me like he did. i gotta say my first year in Columbia had some rough patches. I had several loved ones die including my aunt. i had been ok though. But its funny how you can meet someone and everything changes. He is kind, funny, appreciative of me, and encourages me to try new things i would have never thought i could do...including my new love for drawing, and he is accepting of the person I am. We dated 5.5 months . During this time a a very good friend of mine passed away (June 24th) it really completely broke my heart, I got word my best friend and her family are being reposted to Fort Knox , Ky (her hubby is in the Army), and i had to start looking for a place to live (luckily i have found one but the process was stressful), and my bf broke up with me. We are trying to be friends , we took a few weeks apart and have recently started hanging out again, which brings me to where I am now. As f last Thursday things between him and i got complicated when he asked for a place to crash after a night of drinking at a local bar. I have no problem with this because even though he is not my bf he and i are still VERY close . But things happened. and then i made a complete fool of myself over the weekend when he went out bc i let jealousy step in over a stupid situation that occurred. Sunday we had a heated discussion about it all (we have never actually had a fight, like, ever ...our discussions have gotten heated but nothing i would call a fight) . It left me feeling lost and confused i cried and cried and cried and the pressure of the past few months just gave and i cut my self. I haven't told him, or anyone, but i needed somewhere safe i could let it out. I am so disappointed in myself that i caved. I feel horrible about it. I don't wanna tell him because i am afraid it will push him away and i don;t want to tell my best friend because i worry she will be disappointed. I am sorry this post was so long. i just needed to let it out.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi RubySinn, welcome to the forum. Fine you let down your friend. Do not be ashamed of it as no one judging you except yourself. Things happen or a combination of events. You need to be strong for yourself. From the post, you have been the works. Yes, at the moment you are at a low point in your life and feel alone as your best friend has moved away. You can do it again as you gave done it in the past. You are a SURVIVOR and you will always will be one. If you need to talk please PM and I will try to help you as much as I can. Keep posting as it will help you in your current crisis. Take care.
     
  3. RubySinn

    RubySinn New Member

    thank you. i just needed to get all that off my chest. it's just been one of those times that when it rains it pours. i've tried so very hard to stay strong.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Stay strong and stay safe Ruby, I'm very sorry for your loss! We are here for you, welcome xxxx Keep talking and letting it all out if it helps! :)
     
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