I cry as I type this wondering what to say or do, or who to talk to. I want so badly to wrap ANYTHING around my neck, and pull as tightly as I can. I'm a horribly selfish person. I want someone else to do it for me.. I don't want the guilt. I cannot live like this forever, I cannot make others laugh and take hard hits on the inside from every 'look' or rude comment. I cannot keep hiding my tears. I'm going to find something to calm down, we have a fucking collection after all the doctor visits. there has to be something to make me feel better..atleast for little while. I need someone who 'gets it', who knows how unstable I am. I am not helpful, I complain, I cry, I hurt everyone including myself.. why do they love me?!