Post 1

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Asylum Project, Nov 10, 2008.

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  1. Asylum Project

    Asylum Project Well-Known Member

    Hello my name is Rogers, actually that's my last name but I have been called Rogers, Roger, and Josh, you can call me which ever. It's kind of weird if you address me by my first name tho, I guess I kind of got used to Rogers, or Roger. When you join the army I guess they throw away your first name. Anyways I figured I would start here because I am depressed and it is the most logical place to put this thread. I don't know where I should start... I feel alone, isolated, I can't but help it's all me to blame either... I have not always felt this way or this bad as far as I can remember. There was this girl and her boyfriend broke up with her and I stopped her from committing suicide, then, we used to hang out like everyday after that. We had so much in common, music, video games, clothing style. We would go to Starbucks, and the park almost every evening. We could talk for hours, yet time would go by so fast, and in our silence everything was just right. She was my best friends girlfriend before he broke up with her. I did not want to ruin mine and his friendship, so when we were so close I just rejected her out of no where. Then I had to go off into the army and since then I can't stop thinking about what could have been... Is this love, or a obsession? She has been going through boyfriends since then. I just want to tell her how I feel and what a mistake I made. I sent her a letter when I was in basic then she wrote back saying that anything can change in time. Basically I messed up everything, I talk to other girls, but I don't want to get close to any of them, I can only think about Jenny... I can't even go to a coffee shop, or park without feeling depressed. I was in Kuwait a week back waiting to transfer to Iraq, but one day I decided to talk to a chaplain about my problems and he made me seek mental health that day, then a week later they sent me back to Kansas for a mental evaluation. They said so far that I have Dysthymia, and maybe Bipolar. I have to go see a psychiatrist now. I wanted help but not get sent back from Iraq, I was just starting to make friends with people in my unit. Now I'm back in Kansas with no one. I developed Insomnia as well, I have to take a sleeping aid that does not really work. I have to see if I can get a higher dose. I am told I think to much, I cant help it tho. I care about things that I can't do anything about. I want to change the world and make it a better place, it's like I can feel peoples emotions and it making me depressed. I want to help everyone but I don't know how. I see beauty in things others look past, I just wish I could make everyone see what I see, and feel what I feel. I don't want to grow up, I have a fear of growing older. I miss everything back in high school everything was so much more simple back then, you did not have the worries of the world. Now I'm suffering from it. People I once knew are losing there innocence from this world. They fall corrupt to drinking and drugs, they dropped out of school, and are just going to become a nobody working minimal wage jobs forever. I don't want to see them throw there lives away, but I can't do anything about it. They do what they want, it's like there to stupid to realize what there doing to themselves. I hate how this world corrupts people and they forget who they really are or what they can truly be. I know it has nothing to do with me, but I can feel it, and it depresses me. I don't know like I said I think to much. I just want a friend who understands. I have friends but no one that really understands me, no one I can talk to. I miss Jenny, I don't know whats wrong with me anymore, I can't attach myself to anyone, I have been spending to much money, and can't find happiness. I don't know if anyone wants to talk feel free to aim or msn me just look in my profile for the info.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think you are reading to far into things. You need to back off and think about yourself. You didn't say what the army is going to do with you? Are you staying in or being discharged? I too had to see a shrink because I got caught smoking pot. They sent me to the shrink and he put me on thorazine. Everone I spoke with that has taken thorazine said it turned them into a zombie. It had no effect on me. Any way my Captain here in the states gave me two options.1)I could get out or #2) I could be transfered to Okinawa. I chose #2 because I didn't want out I was hoping to make a carrier out of it like my dad did. When I got to Okinawa after being there like a month I got called down to my Captains office and he said he was getting me discharged because of my drug use. I tried to explain that I was dry that going in front of my CO in 29 psalms was all it took for me to quit. He said there is no room in his Marine Corps for pot heads. I fucked up and there wasn't anything I could do about it. So if you get the oppurtunity to stay in then take it. You will feel better about yourself in the long run. Take Care!!~Joseph~
  3. wunderwood

    wunderwood Well-Known Member

    my ex boyfriend as well as my current best friend has been in the army. I know second hand the horrors and pain it can bring.

    my heart aches for you. I'm sorry that you have been through so much.
    I am here if i can help.
  4. Asylum Project

    Asylum Project Well-Known Member

    Alright I have been looking online, I really need to talk to someone in the Military about this, I'm depressed but I don't have obsessions with killing myself or other people, sure I have thoughts, but there just thoughts, and if I don't tell the Doctor, then it's okay. I don't want to get discharged from them the army, I can do my job just fine, they just took the precautions of not allowing me to have my weapon, I'm not on suicide or homicide watch so that means I'm okay right? They just don't know what there dealing with yet so that's why they took my weapon correct? What should and should I not say to the doctor? I want help but if that means I'm going to get discharged from the army, fuck that. It's giving me crazy anxiety right now.
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