Hello my name is Rogers, actually that's my last name but I have been called Rogers, Roger, and Josh, you can call me which ever. It's kind of weird if you address me by my first name tho, I guess I kind of got used to Rogers, or Roger. When you join the army I guess they throw away your first name. Anyways I figured I would start here because I am depressed and it is the most logical place to put this thread. I don't know where I should start... I feel alone, isolated, I can't but help it's all me to blame either... I have not always felt this way or this bad as far as I can remember. There was this girl and her boyfriend broke up with her and I stopped her from committing suicide, then, we used to hang out like everyday after that. We had so much in common, music, video games, clothing style. We would go to Starbucks, and the park almost every evening. We could talk for hours, yet time would go by so fast, and in our silence everything was just right. She was my best friends girlfriend before he broke up with her. I did not want to ruin mine and his friendship, so when we were so close I just rejected her out of no where. Then I had to go off into the army and since then I can't stop thinking about what could have been... Is this love, or a obsession? She has been going through boyfriends since then. I just want to tell her how I feel and what a mistake I made. I sent her a letter when I was in basic then she wrote back saying that anything can change in time. Basically I messed up everything, I talk to other girls, but I don't want to get close to any of them, I can only think about Jenny... I can't even go to a coffee shop, or park without feeling depressed. I was in Kuwait a week back waiting to transfer to Iraq, but one day I decided to talk to a chaplain about my problems and he made me seek mental health that day, then a week later they sent me back to Kansas for a mental evaluation. They said so far that I have Dysthymia, and maybe Bipolar. I have to go see a psychiatrist now. I wanted help but not get sent back from Iraq, I was just starting to make friends with people in my unit. Now I'm back in Kansas with no one. I developed Insomnia as well, I have to take a sleeping aid that does not really work. I have to see if I can get a higher dose. I am told I think to much, I cant help it tho. I care about things that I can't do anything about. I want to change the world and make it a better place, it's like I can feel peoples emotions and it making me depressed. I want to help everyone but I don't know how. I see beauty in things others look past, I just wish I could make everyone see what I see, and feel what I feel. I don't want to grow up, I have a fear of growing older. I miss everything back in high school everything was so much more simple back then, you did not have the worries of the world. Now I'm suffering from it. People I once knew are losing there innocence from this world. They fall corrupt to drinking and drugs, they dropped out of school, and are just going to become a nobody working minimal wage jobs forever. I don't want to see them throw there lives away, but I can't do anything about it. They do what they want, it's like there to stupid to realize what there doing to themselves. I hate how this world corrupts people and they forget who they really are or what they can truly be. I know it has nothing to do with me, but I can feel it, and it depresses me. I don't know like I said I think to much. I just want a friend who understands. I have friends but no one that really understands me, no one I can talk to. I miss Jenny, I don't know whats wrong with me anymore, I can't attach myself to anyone, I have been spending to much money, and can't find happiness. I don't know if anyone wants to talk feel free to aim or msn me just look in my profile for the info.