I drift through life, I even drift through this forum without making any connections. I just can't give myself to anyone. Who else is like me? I have a thousand acqaintances, but no real friends. I imagine people coming to my funeral, & everyone would be thinking the same thing. Who was this guy? Noone really knows. There would be a slight sense of sadness, but also confusion, because people would not know how to feel. I don't give them enough context to feel anything for me. I tell my stories, have a laugh, then leave alone. Sleep alone. Then repeat, with a new set of people. I think it's because I'm terrified that the more you look at me, the less there is. I permanently keep people at the beginning phases of a relationship, because at this stage I can be anything, anyone... I could be someone interesting! I surprise people with little skills/stories that I have, which make me seem interesting, like they should lead onto something else. But once these are told...I have nothing left. There's nothing left to find out. & I'm terrified of getting to this stage of a relationship. The closer you look at me, the less there is. Once people realise how little I have inside of me, how little I do, the few emotions I feel, how little I enjoy life...why would they want anything to do with me?