Potential Contest Entries,Opinions Needed

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by NooSenseFantastika, Apr 2, 2008.

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  1. NooSenseFantastika

    NooSenseFantastika Well-Known Member

    There is a poetry contest at my school, and we can submit 3-4 poems, I only want to submit 2 or 3, I need to know soon which poems are best. If I mispelled anything, sorry, I really need opinions of which poems to enter.

    BEAST (version 1)
    It matters not the sex of the species
    but yet the heart of the beast
    and yes I do refer to humans as beasts
    for I do not know of another word better suited for them
    beasts, defined by ferocious nature
    and terrifying glares of hunger
    the ability to nurture one of their own
    one with the stench of evil
    and the hatred for the innocent
    and those beasts take innocence
    they consume souls whole
    if you are not born beast, surely you will become one
    and if you do not belive humans are beasts
    understand only beasts have a need to control beasts
    a species of horror only divided from their nightmare bretheren by the mind
    the mind, the beasts weapon of choice
    the mind can destroy all, even the beast in which it lies
    and we are the worst kind of beast, for we're are supposed to be evolved
    and evolving
    I fear what sort of beast may be next in this evolutionary chain
    For we are already the kind of beast that kills for fun
    and then kills for control
    We seem to believe we have the right to do these things
    For we are evolved, we are beasts with thumbs
    therefore we must be the gods of the lesser beasts
    and if we are the gods of the lesser beasts
    then what kind of beast is our god
    for it was from this gods mind that the creation of beasts came
    but the dividing line was that he gave the lesser beasts instincts
    and the "evolved" beasts choices

    BEAST (version 2)
    What matters is not the sex, but yet the heart of the beast
    and yes I do refer to humans as beasts,
    for I do not know a word better suited for them.
    A beast, defined by its ferocious nature and hatred of innocence.
    Beasts have ways of destroying innocence,
    they sneak into the minds of children and rot them from within.
    Only beasts have a need to dominate, and we, the beasts of thought
    have come to believe that the beasts of instincts are beneath us.
    So we kill and attempt to control those who we consider are beneath us.
    We do this to play God,
    the thought that we, mere mortals, can dictate fate
    excites our minds, and tickles our fancies,
    and not to forget, the mind, our most powerful weapon,
    so powerful it can destroy the very beast in which it lies.
    As for God
    I am fearful of this God, this beast from which the excistance of man.
    This all powerful, all knowing beast
    that I am to stand before and recieve riteous judgement.
    If we, the people, are created in this Gods image
    What sort of beast is he
    I must wonder, what is beast magnified like.

    Parents want control
    and teachers want more money
    the government lays down more laws and restrictions
    while dumb adults run this country
    Ignorance electing ignorance
    Staying completely still basking in ignorant bliss
    Praying for forgiveness just to go out and sin the same sin again
    We, the nation of equality
    Equality meaning discriminate until your under big brothers watch
    then become politcally correct
    and hire those who are not the best for the job
    Yes, we the nation of responsibility
    Responsibility meaning, we did it all in good intenstions
    and the death count doesn't need to be mentioned
    For the land of the free
    Free meaning minimum wage payed slaves
    The home of the brave
    Brave meaning cowards running the country
    while they send loved ones to be slaughtered in camo with guns displayed.

    The glass could be either
    and either way it'll do
    because someone out there is thirsy
    and they don't care if it's half empty or half full
    and no grass is green
    and even if it is
    it's just grass so who cares
    and maybe someday people will wake up with hearts
    and change their ways
    but don't count on it
    to admit they're wrong would send them into shame
    most people are terrified of change
    so they just stay the plain old same.

    Save the silence for death
    because I don't want to hear it
    You can scream and shout
    but as long as your ignorant
    I'm not going to pay attention
    What will be done about
    our obviously depleting nation
    No one wants to think about it
    so they leave it all up to
    the morons who run this nation
    and the these "leaders" do
    is worsen the situation
    Contemplation, of the next big move
    Destroy all enemies before we ourselves are ruined.
  2. This one I just don't really 'get' (I'm not sure whom you're addressing) - and besides, you've probably had enough ABUSE by now! (again - sorry. Truly hope I haven't offended) I would work on the others though - and good luck with the competition!!
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2008
  3. ari

    ari Staff Alumni

    I like them all not sure if i have a strong opinion....i remember my creative writing teacher from high school was extremely tough on me. One day i asked him why and he said i see potential...and if he didnt he wouldnt say anything to me at all. His biggest tip to me was one word "illiteration" you cant use it enough he said
    keep up the good work
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