Powerless

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by spidy, Jan 29, 2013.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I just dont know anymore

    What can i say???????????????????

    Its not going away this time just getting worse
    I cant do this everyday
    Ive tryed different things to take my mind away
    Whats with this curse thats given to me

    Couldnt even last 1 night at home for fucksake without nearly getting into a fight with a mate and even couldnt stay away from self harm.
    Take these thoughts and lows and highs shove up ya arse.

    To much
    Everything from the simplest thing is all to overwhelming
    I m done I give up
    Very lost and sick of all the head fuck games i m given and all the head fucked ideas I have

    I m very much struggling and its getting harder not to end it all I feel powerless to stop myself every positive strength or fight has been sucked out of me.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Just want you to know I'm listening, and I care. Here if you ever feel like talking. I hope you find the strength to keep fighting.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Spidy we will help you fight hun when you are not able to ok hugs toyou
     
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I m finding this ridiculous ive had several attempts to post yet my anxiety is sky high as i m scared.Everything is getting to me and soon I have to attempt to go home again which I loose access to this forum which wont be good.My rants will turn into self harm as much as I try not to but my anger and frustration I get at myself I just cant stop it.I dont do it to take pain away I inflict it upon myself in hatred.I m really frightened of everyday whats outside myself general living and dont know the answer.I m finding it very hard to explain whats going on in my head at the moment as I do with the experts.Wish I could explain it all better all I know even when ive been down Ive never been so frightened or so over whelmed with everthing as i am now.In my head seems there is a big conspiracy between everyone I know feels as they all plotting behind my back.Ive never felt so alone and scared as I have been.I dont know whats bought this lot on whether its rethinking past to present and all the shit thats been dealt and still being dealt.I know past is the past but dont seem to have control over my racing thoughts and the more I do try and control them the worse it gets with 3 or more things trying to process at once and that becomes very difficult to deal with and I do find i ll start getting deeper within my head which anyone around me will just think i m in a daze.This where I cant handle alot of noise or sudden noises.Makes driving a car interesting sometimes too as i m finding i m just not with it.Has taken me alot just to post this so if it jumps around a bit and dosnt make sense sorry as i m not going to reread it.Basically ive just writen whats coming to mind.At the moment all I know is that i m on the edge and dont know where too when I get home to many dangerous thoughts.
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Do you have a phone you can use to access the Internet, just so you're not completely isolated?

    Your post did make sense... I can tell you're terrified of what might happen when you're on your own.

    Here if you need anything, how are you feeling now?
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If thereis a library near you use the computers there hun ok hugs
     
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    My phone is prepaid and I cant afford credit library costs here too and I have to watch every cent.
    I go home tomorrow and to be honest i m not sure how i m going to handle the crap i have to face.Um really dont know
    nope i ll come back to this sorry
     
  8. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Okay here I go and will apologise about my ranting before I begin.
    This time tomorrow night I will be home having already faced a few issues that I have to deal with when I first arrive.I dnt know how one of them is going to go down that might land me in hosp as yeah a certain somebody aint gunna like what i have to say and put it this way im not a fighter but he is,yet I need to do this as yeah being fucking ripped off hopefully I can and my dumb arse anxiety dosnt stop me facing this.I also face isolation which hey I should be used to but it does get dangerous for me as I take shit out on myself um yeah arm dosnt come out to pretty and I m getting deeper every time a I hve no control.I wont have access to this sight as i m so much a looser dont have a computor.I wont ring lifeline anymore as ussually cops turn up and take me to hosp.I am dealing with alot lateley which I wont go into.I dont know if this time how safe i am as all this time I have been planning and it seems all so real in my head.I think the last month really has been more like delaying myself.I cant see no future nor can I see any change in my situations.Maybe I might find some fight but again delaying.I am fucking scared I wont lie as I know I can and will try and end me ive been so close before only difference this time nobody to find me.I m sorry but I m hurting and i m also scared of whats next I even hate wakin up everyday as to just wait for whats next to head fck me.Got enough running through my head now which causes me literal headaches as more hits me more i try to process at once.Anyway i m fcked.Guess this actually a goodbye guys message and sorry too i dont think i have the fight or strength within me anymore to beat this.
     
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