Praise to the NHS (no... really!)

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by Screaminginsilence, Nov 11, 2010.

  1. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    Sorry if i rant on, hopefully you will be awake at the end

    Since long before i can remember ive never felt right in myself, whether its feeling down, suicidal, up, out of sorts.

    I had counselling at school which was awful, then i went onto anti-d's when i was 18, then came off them, then began private counselling, then went back onto anti-ds

    I went to see my doctor yesterday to get my repeat and have my usual assessment with him and we chatted for a bit

    At the end of my appointment he said he was genuinly worried about me and my suicidal thoughts have drastically increased over the last 6 weeks and i've been too afraid to talk to anyone about it

    He referred me to the local mental support group, i had a call from them 2 hours later and a full 2 hour long assessment today

    I'm being referred to a psychologist for further assessment.

    They don't think i have manic depression.

    I didn't realise up until now just how much i have been through in my short life (I'm 24) from feeling abandoned as a child, abused by an older man when i was in my teens, abortion, mortgaged at 19, being made redundant twice within 6 months - one from a job i had been in for 4 years. To relocating twice and leaving my life and my bloke behind.

    Anyway i just wanted to give some praise to the people ive spoken to in the last 2 days. Not once was i made to feel like a 'mental'. It was brilliant to speak to someone who deals with this all day every day!
    I was worried that if i sat there and said 'i think about killing myself every day' some big burly bloke would walk in and strap me into a straight jacket and section me! But i was totally honest, didn't hold back and just said how i felt.

    This is an outreach to people i guess, if you feel at the end of your tether, and things really are looking bleak - go to your doctor. I know some of them are utter morons but there are some great doctors out there.

    For 10 years now ive swung from feeling happy to majorly suicidal, to very happy to numb and empty. I've never ever understood myself and its only as i get older that i can read why i feel how i do and attempted to control (or calm) the feelings i get.

    I have a fantastic boyfriend who ive only really started to appreciate this year (and we've been together for 7 years now!) he listened to me when i cried, supported me when i was broke and more importantly he has always been there for me - no matter what i put him through.
    He doesn't know i have visited this forum for the last 4 years and i know he will never see this but if you have someone whos with you every step of the way then let them know you appreciate it. People like that are hard to come by and i can honestly say i think i would have either become a missing person or committed suicide long before now if i hadn't of met him.

    So - if you are feeling down, i just wanted to say try your doctor if you haven't already, and remember that you always have people who are there for you even if you can't quite see it yet

    Heres to moving forward i hope :)

    Big loves x
  2. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    I'm so happy you are moving forward, and it's good to see the nhs works. It didn't work for me with counselling but I'm gonna give it another go this week if I can get out the house. And my mum and dad are my strength everybody else has just let me down but I know they never will! I love support :') xxxx
  3. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    Everythings worth a try Ali.

    Coming on here has helped me alot as well :)