As a Christian suicide is suppose to be a really big no no. I am suppose to go to hell. Well, I am in hell so it certainly cannot get any worse. I also have been taught that God forgives me for my sins. So if I commit suicide which is sin (as I am taught) I should be forgiven. It would seem I can rationalize the whole suicide thing into an acceptable Christian act. Sounds good when I type it here. Truth is I am praying for the strengh to commit suicide. I have already done all the leg work for the methods. I am scared of failing again and that is weighing heavy on my mind. If I fail I will be sent to jail. I must succeed. So my prayers to God are for him to help me to kill myself. Is that insane? Maybe, but so is living in this hell I am right now. The pain, the emptyness, the lonliness, the betrayal. I have nothing and no one thus I leave nothing behind. I need prayers, prayers to succeed in death.