Pregnant and alone in the world.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mollusk, Sep 24, 2009.

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  1. mollusk

    mollusk New Member

    I am five months pregnant. The father of the child, whom I had dated for over seven years, recently left me. He left for another girl who he had been talking to for a few months behind my back. He wants nothing to do with the baby and has nothing but extremely cruel things to say to me and rub the fact that he has a new girlfriend in my face. He does it constantly. He used to be a very kind person until he left me, and now he's a fucking monster who seems to get a real kick out of making me feel ugly and hated. I had become very mentally dependent on him. I don't have any friends or family I can talk to in an attempt to get through this and I'm so scared and depressed and ready to be done with this. I even have a plan set up.
    I want to put my baby up for adoption immediately after birth, so he never has to see this hideous piece of garbage that brought him into this world. After I get out of the hospital, <Mod Edit:Shades - methods>.. The only thing I have left to do is find a home for my cats before I do it. (No, I am not a drug addict. I just happen to know a drug dealer.)
    I am so ready to just give up.. and I feel like this is my last chance..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2009
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I don't think you getting rid of your baby is best.. They are already building a bond with you while in the womb..He/she needs her real mom.. What if he/she gets sick..Noone will know your family history to help with a cure..You are young and right now your hormones are talking..I think you will be a great mom..Your parents will come around because they will want to be part of your childs life..As for the dad take his butt to court and file for child support..He had a hand in making this baby so he needs to support it..Keep posting here because it helps to let it out.. We will listen and offer you support andadvice if we can..
     
  3. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hi Mollusk,

    I'm so sorry to hear how unfair life has being to you. My own problems that are taking me down seem to become so little when I hear your tale... First and foremost know that you're no hideous piece of garbage, it takes alot of strengh of will and courage to face a situation like that and actually ask for help, you are a brave woman and I congratulate you for that. Never think yourself that low, it's not you who is the hideuos piece of garbage, it's that ex boyfriend of yours who I'd be happy to beat into a pulp if I lived in your area. He's the real garbage, any man who leaves a preagnant woman to fend for herself is nothing more than garbage. You on the other hand are willing to bring a baby to this world, no matter the pain to your person. You my friend, are a heroine.

    You said you grew mentally dependent on him, and I'd like to know more about that, do you still feel you love him? Would you still want him to come back to you? Do you feel that without him by your side there's no point in suffering through all of this?

    Now, about the baby, I won't tell you to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. You have to look at your situation, if you can't give the baby a good life, and if you can't take care of it alone, maybe adoption is the only choice, but you should still keep the option to keep it on the table until the baby is born as the biological mother is always the biological mother, don't set your mind on anything.

    Of course, for any of that to matter, you have to stay alive. You already have your suicide plan all figured out and that's not good... If your parents are still around, I really urge you to contact them, if you already did it once, try again, tell them you really need their help, tell them the child will need their help, hopefully they'll come around and provide the help you need. You can also seek out a social instituion you might be able to help you in this situation.

    And please, talk to us, contact me thru PM or email at midgar2@hotmail.com whenever you need to talk, don't even think you'd bother me, you won't, I want to help you in any way I can. You can also keep posting here and talk to all the fine people who will also to be more than willing to help you. You did the right thing by coming here, it's not easy. Now let us help you in any way we can, you're not alone in here :hugtackles:
     
  4. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    Pregnacy is a beautiful thing. dont ever let anyone make you feel ugly.
    its your choice to if you put the baby up for adoption or keep him.

    your ex clearly doesnt deserve you or the child in his life, so why let him win? why let him control the situation like that?

    i gave away my baby... without going into the big story to why your more than welcome to PM to find out.

    But it was biggest regret of my life. i constantly wonder what she would look like now. how she is doing. each birthday is hell knwoing im never going to wish her happy birthday/

    please think everything through dont let him win he'll give up in the end just ignore his remarks hes an asshole/
     
  5. Mandyrose

    Mandyrose Member

    Hello. I just wanted to say that I have been in your situation. You are not alone. You can talk with me anytime, I would love to help you.

    Being pregnant is supposed to be a time of love and support. Just so you know, I think the decision whether to abort a pregnancy, or keep it, is a mothering decision either way. Although it sounds like you are going to see the pregnancy through and bring your child into the world.

    This very same thing you are describing happened to me, and it was the loneliest time of my life. All you probably want right now is to be protected, supported and loved so that you can give those things to your child and be able to relax. Making a baby inside your body for 9 months is hard work! :) You deserve love and kindness because what you are doing is one of the most important jobs ever, and so beautiful.

    My daughter just turned 8 and even though I am still very depressed and being a parent is a serious challenge, she is unbelievably beautiful and the love of my life! Every day is a surprise.

    Right now I wish you would reach out and get support. As a single pregnant mother, you are entitled to many government benefits, there is no shame in taking them. You need good medical care, counseling if you'd like some, good nutrition and good friends. Is your living sitaution okay? You need nurturing and to feel safe. My wish for you is to have a healthy baby, and a rich and happy pregnancy, and then you can decide what's best for you and the baby. No one wants to see you leave this world, but maybe just do not even think about that now. Just think about what you need right now, one day at a time. If you need help getting a support system in place, I would love to help and I'm sure there are lots of people on here who would also. :)

    Big hugs, you are already being a strong mommy whether you know it or not!!

    Love! And don't hesitete to write! You are NOT alone, it will be okay, I promise.
     
  6. shefallsasleep

    shefallsasleep Well-Known Member

    I am very sad to hear how cruel life has been to you. I think your main priority should be your unborn child, this isn't really a topic I know a lot about but I do know children bring a lot of happiness into their parent/s lives. There is a lot of support for single Mums out there, and I don't believe gettig your child adopted will help you, but obviously only you know what you want. This is a bit of a cliche thing to say but at the end of the day if he does not want you or your child in his life that is his lose, and any man that wants that isnt much of a man at all. Be strong and don't go making an impulsive decisions xxxx
     
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Hi Mollusk,
    I just wanna say quickly that I know it's difficult when you've been physically dependant on somebody for so long. You almost feel like you have to restart your life and get it all back together again, and it's like "where to even begin?".

    You could join support groups, mother and baby groups. Single mothers/women groups, you could make friends online through various websites - don't be scared millions of people do it nowadays and it might be a good way to meet other women who have been through the same and can offer support.
    Please don't give up and don't give up on your baby, because I'm sure when you see him or her your feelings will change and you'll just want to love and protect him/her, and I'm sure you will be fantastic at it.
    Be strong.
    x
     
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey hun you arent alone there are so many wonderful people here that will try and help any way we can. And you're right, the ex helped to create this child. So please dont be so hard on yourself. He helped to create this baby, you didnt do it alone. You are carrying a child. Your child. He is being a complete ass for walking away. This child regardless if you keep it or not is going to impact you. He will lose out on that. You will know that no matter what you choose, you are doing the best for the child. He will never get that satisfaction. He will (all though he may deny it) always feel a huge question mark in his life about that child.

    You need to make sure you are taking care of yourself and that baby. Good diet, exercise, plenty of rest and medical check ups. Again, regardless if you keep this baby, you want it to have the best possible start it can. Just the fact that you posted here, reaching out shows me that you are a sensible and caring person. So please make sure to take special care of yourself.

    I know how you feel hun. I have had 6 babies. 2 I lost, 3 where by my ex husband and the last precious one was by a man that made many wonderful promises, but fled shortly after my son was born. I was alone as a single mom with 3 other children and scared because I was close to being 40. But there are so many resources available to you. Support groups, New Mom groups, healthy pregnancy agencies and on and on. And you have here. A place to vent, find support and always caring people who will listen.

    You've taken the first step. To finding help so please try. Let's see if in the next 4 months with help from members here, we can help you to find some support and resources in your community and support and caring from here. Hun you are a strong person. You are fighting the thoughts and looking for help. Keep fighting please.
     
  9. mollusk

    mollusk New Member

    I am mentally unstable and I am aware of this. I don't see how I would make a better mother than someone who didn't give birth to the baby. I believe that the parents are the people who raise the child and instill their values and ethics, and that the only tie I have is genetic. I would imagine I could easily provide the adoption agency with my medical information, as well as the medical information of my family in case of any emergency.
    As far as child support goes, I think I would be more likely to win the lottery before that happened. He's a deadbeat loser. Also, his mother was dead set on attempting anything she could to have the baby taken away from me, before I decided on adoption. She is a very evil, cruel woman herself; she tried to send one of her daughters to beat me until I aborted when they first found out about my pregnancy; the only reason it didn't happen was because she couldn't find me because I'd moved. I don't want this child to have to deal with me, let alone insane "relatives" that originally were going to murder him without a second thought.
     
  10. mollusk

    mollusk New Member

    Growing up, I never had any friends. I was "raised" in a small town which we'd moved to right in the middle of a very traumatic event (a car accident that nearly killed my mother and younger brother, leaving my mother legally blind and my brother paraplegic. I was in the car as well but didn't suffer any serious PHYSICAL injuries) so I was not exactly a bright little ray of sunshine and I was also a very opinionated person about my views on the world, which is something small farm towns don't accept easily. But my point is, I was treated like crap for many years and was always alone and when I found someone who acted like they had any sort of concern for me I immediately latched on, and it remained that way for several years. To have that bond broken so suddenly, so cruelly, and at such a vulnerable time was too much to bear.
    I do love so much what he used to be, but it feels like that person is dead and gone; replaced, in the same shell, by a heartless cheat and liar who has no qualms about making the person he claimed was his "soul mate" for over seven years feel like there is no other option in life but to end it all. The thing that replaced him is something I loathe.
    If there was any hope that he would somehow magically transform back into the loving, caring man I used to know, I would absolutely come running back to him, as ignorant as that may be. I don't think there's any way that will ever happen. That includes the baby - when he found out, he wanted me to abort. The first thing he did was cry - sorrowfully.
    However, it is no longer about him. My plan is to keep my body in a healthy condition for as long as the baby needs it. Once the baby is born, and in the safe arms of a mentally competent family, I can begin to take the steps towards finishing something I should have done long ago.
     
  11. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    That's actually alittle reasuring... well, the part where you make it obvious that you have no good feelings about the "person" your ex has become, the rest just makes me sick. I know you said it's no longer about him, but you really have to take him out of hte equation for good. You also said you'll probably won't get any support form him, even with the law on your side, and I kinda believe you, so you need to is really just remove him from your life completely. If he doesn't bring anything good into your life, don't let him bring anything bad either, don't let him hurt you with his new gf or in any other way, just forget he ever existed in your life, he doesn't deserve any better.

    But mollusk, I really urge you not to give up on your life just yet. I won't say about the baby, you did raise strong arguments about why you shouldn't keep it, and if you think you won't be able to provide a good and stable life for him/her, it might be better to give it up for adoption. Still, don't make any promises to yourself or to anyone, you might change your mind once (s)he's born. But once you're no longer preagnant, nothing is keeping you back from starting over, a fresh start and new beggining. Maybe move somewhere else, getting a job, meeting new people, making new friends, maybe meeting someone who loves you and will treat you the way you deserve. Think about it, I know you can do it.

    And hopeless or not, you should try not to think of suicide in your condition. I know it's hard, but being suicidal causes alot of stress all by itself, and stress is very harmful for the baby. At least for now, try to avoy thinking about it.

    Keep talking, keep updating us about your life, talk about whatever you want, past, present, future, events, feelings, emotions, thoughts. We'll be here to read, confort, help make you happier in any way we can.
     
  12. reece86

    reece86 Member

    If you are looking for a father I would be quite willing to step in, im gay so its not like im ever going to have kids of my own.
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know there are agencies to help single moms to prepare them for motherhood parent courses Are there any agencies where you are Rose of Durham etc that help single moms out. It is your decision on what to do with the child only you can make that. Either way it will be hard and yes the father is legally responsible for the child. Don't let him be a dead beat father go to court and make him responsible only if you keep the child. take care please keep talking to us we understand and care
     
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