After accepting the way I’m feeling is depression (and hence not just a bad pregnancy like I thought), I’m starting to feel totally and utterly robbed. I haven’t enjoyed this pregnancy. I’ve spent it in bed, no energy, no motivation, nothing. Wishing and counting the days and weeks away and swearing I will never ever do this again. That’s not what its meant to be like. After 2 miscarriages and trying for 6 months for my angel baby I hoped to at least be happy while pregnant but I’m not. I’ve been wishing since pretty much the beginning that it was over. From 24 weeks I’ve wanted to go in and beg for a c-section just so I can start to feel a hint of normal again. I keep trying to figure out where it went from normal pregnancy feelings to depression but I don’t think I’d be happy with the answer even if I found it. I kind of feel like if I’d known I was depressed, maybe something could have been done and it wouldn’t have had to be like this. I’ve had to put up with my midwife constantly dragging up my mental health issues, which pissed me off but certainly didn’t help. If I didn’t even notice how the hell was she meant to? And now I have noticed I rang my psychiatrist to find out he has left the hospital… And I can’t even sort that until his secretary comes back from training next week. Fucking. Useless. I dread this. I’m excited for my baby big time but with every ounce of motivation and energy being sucked from me I can’t help but feel robbed of the joy I should be feeling being 1 day away from term with my beautiful rainbow baby.