Hi, I dont know what to do anymore, my suicidal feelings are getting stronger and stronger. On top of that I am pregnant. I can't believe this is my life, wrong choices made brought me here. I feel depressed and hurt and don't want to live anymore. Life is ugly and dark for me and I have a feeling it's never going to get better. I feel disgusted with myself and feel like a loser. I hate what I have become and I feel that dying is the only way I can solve my problems. The only thing that is keeping from killing myself is my fear for punishment by god and this baby growing inside of me. I still have time for an abortion but I don't want to do that either. I rather go together with the child. does that make sense ? I am so shocked that my life, once being a happy normal child with a bright future turned out like this. I don't enjoy anything anymore, even eating is a big struggle. Only time I can escape my problems is when I go to bed and first thing in the morning this feelings all return. I simply wish I could sleep forever. I have absolutely no1 in this struggle, I cant tell my family ! and my partner is still struggling with the pregnancy, let alone tell him about this.