Preparing my child

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lmom, Jun 7, 2010.

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  1. lmom

    lmom New Member

    Is there anything I can do to reduce the impact of my suicide on my daughter... Wow, that sounds pretty stupid.

    could i somehow make it look like an accident? can I write her letters explaining why, how to not make the same mistakes?
  2. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    There is nothing you can do to reduce the impact on your daughter, your suicide will forever scar her. I am sorry you are in such a bad place that you are thinking about ending your life, can you tell us why you are at this point? Welcome to SF I hope you find some support here. :hug:
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    No, you'll pretty much fuck her up for life.

    This is the sort of thing I don't sugarcoat, suicide is one of the worst things you can do to your child.
  4. lmom

    lmom New Member

    I've been at this point for a long while; really she's the only thing that has kept me going over the last 10 years... the last few years have been especially hard (financially, emotionally & mentally) and I've had to move her several times; she's been such a trooper through it all.

    It's gotten to a point now that I don't know how I can feed her, I don't know how I'm going to keep a roof over our heads next month, and I'm not very available emotionally 'cause I'm a mess (yet again)....

    Ultimately I feel like I'm going to fail her HUGE, might as well do it now.
  5. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    I know right now you think that this may be the best option but it is not. You killing yourself will be a million times worse on her than any other problem that you two will tackle together. Maybe some other members on this forum can speak up that have lost a parent to suicide, but it will destroy your daughters life. Can you try getting some aid from a welfare office maybe or stay with a family member?
  6. lmom

    lmom New Member

    Ironically i make "too much" to qualify for government assistance, but not enough to pay rent AND buy food. Ironically I also make too much to qualify for legal aid to help me collect the $28,000 her dad owes in back support. No family or friends that can help more than they already have...

    I am just so tired, so very tired. I've been busting my ass every day, doing everything I know how to do, alone, begging borrowing and stealing - and I still fail to be the parent and provider she deserves. I find no joy in life whatsoever, and I've been looking, hard.

    Well, I guess I just pull myself up by my 'boot straps' again; drop the fantasy that there is an 'easy' way out and face another day. Here's hoping that tomorrow is better than the last 3650.

    Thanks for listening/contributing.
  7. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately I know too well about making too much money for assistance after seeing what my parents went through when I was young. As far as the child support, are there any legal firms that you could contact that work with lower income familys? Also how old is your daughter? Is she old enough to get a job and help out?
  8. azombieee

    azombieee Member

    Well she's been there for you for the past 10 years, she's been patient when you've had a hard time keeping a real life for the both of you. She's had no choice to BUT to be selfless. I think being a mom would change my life, not that I'm a bad person... but I think I'd appreciate life much more... and my husband and I have been trying for over a year now... and still nothing.

    Talk about depressing.

    I don't think suicide is the answer for anyone, especially for you. You're little girl definitely needs you, and you will ruin her life if you decide to go through with this! I can guarantee you this. A girl needs their mom. My mom and I have a lot of differences... but it kills me to even think if my mom had committed suicide when I was 10. It would literally be something I would of never gotten over.

    Be the best mother you can be to your little girl. Don't give in to pain. Promise me, yourself, and your daughter that you are a strong person. Strong enough to hold on for the BOTH of you! You have been very strong for a while now... just reading that you bust your ass everyday. I know that would be tiring and very hard... and I give you my thanks for being a supporter for your daughter as best as you can be. Not many people care. And you do.

    Don't stop caring. Don't stop living for each other.
  9. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Your daughter will be scarred for life whether her mother dies from suicide or an accident. Maybe you should go get some help? :hug: im here if you need to talk
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am not sure where you are from, but in many places if you contact the state, with child support issues you do not need legal aid. Child support is something that is court ordered and failure to pay is a breach of that court order. So while it is a legal matter, it is not necessarily one that requires you to get an attorney. Is there a child support division where you are? Or maybe contact the clerk of court in your county and see what measures must be taken.
    As for preparing your daughter, nothing can prepare her or make it easier. The loss of a mother is not something that you recover from easily. Even as an adult when your parents are aged and life has been lived past expectancy, it is still difficult. Suicide can destroy a child. The stigma follows them for the rest of their lives. Children that are survivors of suicide are much more likely to suicide themselves. I understand what it is like to live on a limited budget, not knowing if you will be able to provide the next meal for your child. It tears apart at you. But you are not a failure. Circumstances have brought you to this point. Don't give up trying. Your daughter does need you as you know. Suicide may be the way you feel is the only out for you, but then her troubles will just begin. Face it together. You are a survivor and you will make it. :hug:
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Gah.. I cannot answer this question the way I want too.... so I will say, no. It might hurt less if she thinks it was an accident however what happens if she finds out the truth.
    As a parent you have to be strong. If you can find the strength to create such a huge lie to your child you have the strength to get better.
  12. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I second this....
  13. gradoftude

    gradoftude Member

    And I as second the second! I think that summed it up as amazingly well.

    Although your daughter may take 20 years to figure out the real truth, know that she is intelligent enough to eventually come to it and then it would send her into a irrevocable tail spin of some sort!

    As difficult as it may seem, Think of the things you do have to be grateful for. You have your daughter to give you a reason to keep on keepin' on when times are tough. You have access to a computer unlike a majority of people in this world. You have an education to make use of your intelligence far beyond what most humans have on this earth. You are able to express yourself and your feelings unlike many that choose to not come here or other healthy places for assistance. What else??? Sit down and make a list of the thank yous and carry it around with you. Start your day with this. At the end of the day, review the list and think of a healthy healing word you want to work on for tomorrow such as willingness, or giving. Go to bed with that thought each night. This is your time. Self healing, self medicating time for you to find your centeredness and groundedness.

    Try and keep central in your life, "others before self" as you seem to be doing most of the time. You will continue to find the will to see light. Sit down with your daughter and talk things out. Bond with her by communally finding the bright spots in daily life. Try and sit down for a meditation together is some form. What ever that may be. It could be as simple as sitting outside and listening to the birds chirp or counting stars at night or finding happy patterns on the ceiling as you fall asleep together once a week. Let her tell / show you what is really important. You haven't written about your relationship with your daughter. How is it? Do you talk about the tough times? Does she see how hard you work? Is she supportive or rebellious? I have to imagine that given the honest chance, she would let you know that she wants you around more than she want you elsewhere.

    When Times get really tough and no one is around and you can't reach out for help at the moment, focus on a spot on the wall or tree or building or logo in the middle of the steering wheel (when parked:)) and breathe deeply 33 times. It will pass and you will find the courage and strength to carry on. If not try it again. And again And again.

    Love, hugs, thoughts and prayers to both of you! Know that I am thinking of you two as I go through my day and only wish the best for you! Relationships are the only true measure of success we have. Keep that relationship with your daughter front and center and I know you will succeed!

    Stay Sober,
    Stay Sane,
    Stay Here!

  14. Pow

    Pow Well-Known Member

    Losing someone is always painful, theres no easy way to get over it.
    Even if it was an accident, she would think about how she could of prevent it and maybe blame herself for your death.
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