My mom is a single parent and I've only been back with her for the past 6 yrs. I'm 20 now and due to rumors about me at my previous college I had to take a semester off and have really cut communication with everyone because of my worsening anxiety and trust. The past month has honestly been hell for me and I've relapsed with self harm multiple times. I just want to get everything off my chest since I can't open up to my family or friends. I've found out my great aunts don't like me because I'm not fully black and don't even "act" black, my mom and siblings don't know about this, but they do know that I do have problems with anxiety and being categorized as anything. I cried for a couple of days after hearing that, and relapsed. I even got scolded for not overcoming my anxiety from my mom, who is very outgoing and friends with everyone. She also got mad at me for not knowing how to drive, fill out official papers, eating 3 meals a day, cook or clean and for not having a boyfriend or even looking for one. Having someone that close to me pick at my flaws really has made me feel even more naked and exposed to everything and everyone. It's bad enough to deal with these demons on my own,, but she's made me feel more lost than usual and I have only here to turn to for advice. Suicide is never an option for me since I have my baby niece and sister who look up to me, but i do want the pain and emptiness to disappear. I want to actually smile again and mean it.