Pretending to have friends, is this really okay?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Finley, Sep 30, 2011.

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  1. Finley

    Finley New Member

    So basically I dont have any friends :( so whenever I meet somebody that I think I could become friends with I always make it seem like I at least have a couple of friends so they don't think I'm weird:sad:. Is this okay? How would you guys react if you were having a conversation with somebody and lets say you asked how many friends they have and they said they dont have any?
  2. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Hey finley,I like you don't have friends and I worked in construction for 16yrs and used to get negative comments. I think that regular people think your a freak if you don't have friends so my advice would be to pretend by all means as it will save you being viewed as a freak. When you make some friends and maybe they ask about your pretend friends,you can always just say they were bad people blah blah blah. Just make out you've dropped those friends or they've dropped you,I know it's not nice telling lies but in my opinion it would be the better option.
  3. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    You have us, Finley. You don't have to pretend anymore :)

    I do it too though. On the rare occasion that I meet someone new and think we could maybe be friends I start talking about old friends from my past as if we are still friends. People are more drawn to other people that they see as socially normal, people with a close group of friends, I see nothing wrong with saying you have friends, just don't try to create details about them, the more details you give, the more chance you have of contradicting yourself.
    Besides, like I said before, you have us. A whole community of friends :)
  4. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    I do that too (just like pretending that I'm not suicidal). I'll tell them about my old friends or even people who I don't know that well to make me look normal. However a few of my colleagues finally found out as we worked together for over a year. But in general, it always works. Being seen as socially normal boosts up your confidence :wink:
  5. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Honesty is usually best even when you are portraying yourself in a negative light. In this situation you would be unnecessarily stigmatizing yourself. I sometimes meet people I went to school with or know from my hometown and the questions about occupation and lifestyle are usually asked. I tell white lies to avoid stigma and keep shifting the conversation to hide my disabled living situation.
  6. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    if i was talking to someone(lol that would never happen anyway...) and they said they had no friends in my head i would be like "HOLY FUCK THIS PERSON DOESNT HAVE ANY FRIENDS! THEY'RE LIKE ME! :O". i wouldnt say i really know the definition of friend etc because i havent had one for a long time. i also have problems with generally communicating on a regular basis with people and being solitary.

    edit: no one really asks whether i have friends. i might say i have a couple of mates but they've moved off.
  7. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    if i was talking to someone(lol that would never happen anyway...) and they said they had no friends in my head i would be like "HOLY FUCK THIS PERSON DOESNT HAVE ANY FRIENDS! THEY'RE LIKE ME! :O".

     haha that tickled me
    Also take jadedmaggi's advice if you do go down the road of pretend friends. Don't go into too much detail or you could always write down your pretend friends details and store them for future reference so you don't trip yourself up. Sounds extreme but it could work I guess coz I used to come clean about it and got alot of abuse. It's not nice being known as" Billy no mates " and once people know that,it's gonna be hard to invent the pretend friends.
  8. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    A true friend will be there for you regardless of the other people in your life, or lack thereof. That's how I see it. A person shouldn't have to lie about who they are or things in their life to impress others. It may make the current situation a bit easier, but in the long run it just complicates things further and then you'll probably lose that person after they realize you may not have been telling the truth the entire time.

    I've pretty much lost all my friends, save for a few people that care enough to talk to me online now and then. It sucks feeling alone so often, but I can never relate or pretend to relate with other people enough to make more friends. I personally refuse to lie to impress other people. If they don't appreciate me for who I am, then there's no point in having them in my life..
  9. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Yeah I wasn't advocating that he lie to people close to him,just people who don't count such as work mates etc... To save himself being bullied for having no friends
  10. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    This is just my view:
    I think one has to explain why they don't have friends.
    If the other person gets it, that person is worth the effort, if not...

    An old man said to me once "you can allways be friends with animals,
    but with people, never." It stuck.
  11. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Just tell them your a friend to yourself.

    Befriend me - if you live near enough we could go for a drink - and it would be novel to have a wingman who was depressed - and likely thought about topping himself.

    Or would you get too drunk and reassure me that some homicidal women was 'cool' and insist that I 'go for it mate'

    We have 'meets' on this forum every so often - maybe a few of the guys could meet up sometime - then we'd be like - out with friend who know more about each other before we met than all your so called 'friends' which many claim to have - but - how many would stick around if they were down?

    So advantage to you there - and me.

    I worked in construction also.

    I WAS construction. I was brilliant - but sure- mixing grout instead of cement is wrong - but I covered it with cement and it was only a govt building!

    I lived for my job and would have lived on the site - and actually did - live there not work there.

    So - I'd buy you a pint and accept your a messed up guy!


    Only jest mate.

    But we'd have a laugh regardless.
  12. Krasdale

    Krasdale Member

    It probably depends on if you're going for quality or quantity. With the exception of one or two, the people I call friends are really only acquaintances. I do feel like people generally are repelled if you don't appear to already have something going on. Fake it till you make it, I guess?
  13. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Haha that's funny,nice avatar pic also. Rigsby was quality
  14. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    I tell people i don't have friends if they ask, but i lie about why i don't have friends.
    I tell them that i have trust issues and i find that keeping friends happy is too much work but that's not true i don't know why i don't have friends.

    But there's nothing wrong with telling lies to make life a little easier.
  15. Slothbear

    Slothbear Well-Known Member

    I don't think people generally ask flat out if someone has friends... or atleast i don't. However people do talk about experiences or events which generally happen with friends. If they do ask you could always just humour it like for instance if you're talking to work colleagues you could just say something along the lines of "with this job i have no time for friends" or something like that. Or just tell them your more of a homebody and don't have a lot of friends. I think as long as you kind of try to be outgoing you should be fine. Initiate things if you want to hang out with them again rather then waiting for them to invite you why don't you ask them to hang out.
  16. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    I'm in the same situation. I'll just mention a girl I used to be friends with growing up. We speak on facebook, though we aren't 'friends' any more. We've seen each other once in the past 5 years. And I also count my 'acquaintances' - there are people I see every now and again, but we're nowhere near close enough to call each other friends. Then if you make friends with these new people, just say you no longer speak to the old ones, because, say... they stood you up or something or they were never really good friends.
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