Privileged Kids

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Cortez, Aug 10, 2010.

  1. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    Before I begin I just want to add that I hope not to offend anyone. I am just trying to vent out how I’ve been feeling for a long time but haven’t been able to get it off my chest.

    My mother and I have been going through some really rough financial times the past 2 years. I was unable to be in college this past spring semester because neither of us had money, not even gas money to get to school every day. My step father left 7 years ago and ever since it’s just been my mother and I living in the house. I take care of the house physically and my mother pays all the bills. I’ve been unemployed for a while now. My mother is having a very difficult time paying the mortgage, if she loses the house she said she’d go to live with her sister and I don’t know where I’d go. We are on a very strict budget; we spend less than $20 every week for the groceries. Some nights I even eat cereal for dinner, but it’s not the end of the world, at least I get something in my stomach. My mom’s car is falling apart, every month it seems there is something wrong with it and she takes it to the mechanic and spends a good amount of money. She can’t afford a new car. My mom hates her job and takes her frustration and anger out on me a lot when she comes home from work, I sometimes argue back with her but I mostly walk away and go to my room. I haven’t even started to pay the car insurance yet.

    I will be going to college again this Fall and I still don’t know how I’m going to get the gas money for it. I have to find work asap. My mother is paying for this semester but she says it might be the last semester she pays for. It is a community college so it’s not expensive, but still it’s money that neither I nor my mother has. I just might have to take out loans, but I seriously don’t want to do that. That will guarantee me being in debt for years to come. I owe money now, I don’t want to owe more later. I am pretty sure I wouldn’t even be able to pay the loans off.

    Now, to what I really want to talk about. I grew up in the suburbs all my life and I still live here. The neighborhood is mostly upper middle class. My mother’s house is probably the smallest house in the area. All my friends growing up were from the neighborhood, they all had really big houses and huge backyards were we’d play and spend many afternoons in. I have to admit it was nice, and I had loads of fun. It was like that until high school. That was right around the time my step father left leaving my mother to pay for the house on her own. It was also the time I started getting in trouble in school, getting bad grades and drifting away from my childhood friends. By the time graduation came I basically didn’t have any friends. All of the kids from the neighborhood went to really good and expensive universities and were off to start their journey. I barely graduated and didn’t’ even try college because of my bad grades and lack of motivation, and by that time my depression and social anxiety started to worsen. So I went straight to work. Over the years I’d see some kids I went to school with, but it was the kids I didn’t want to see mostly. I started getting insecure, angry, sad, and regretful about what I could’ve done differently. I started feeling animosity towards these very same kids I grew up with. I hated that they were privileged, I hated that they came from well off families, I hated their stupid new cars, I hated their fabulous social lives, I hated their happiness, I hated them. Basically I hated everyone who was from the suburbs. The problem is….I still do, even more so now than ever. When I see them driving their expensive cars I feel like throwing a rock at it, when I see the guys with their pretty girlfriends I feel like punching them. How I wish they would suffer just like I have, to know how it feels to be broke, to have a car that is about to die on you anytime, to not even be able to afford community college! They have everything handed to them, college paid for, car paid for, housing paid for, wtf! I hate how they so easily conform, I hate how they are so shallow and judgmental, I hate how their mind and world is so small, such a one dimensional way of thinking, so predictable.

    I have not one friend left from the neighborhood. Over the years I’ve met so many wonderful people from all walks of life, rich, poor, ghetto, classy, mean, nice, basically anything you can think of. I grew so much from it. These days the people that I talk to and visit mostly are from low income neighborhoods and lived there their whole lives. My best friend lives in a housing project in Manhattan. My other friends are in similar situations, they are as poor as they come. But yet it is these people that I feel the most comfortable around, no fear of judgment, a sense of brotherhood when I am with them. To live for today, not worrying about tomorrow, to learn how to survive. Almost all of them came from close to nothing, but they survived. This doesn’t just go for money issues but for everything in life, you survive and continue. I know if my friend’s from my earlier years of school saw these people they would probably look at them as if they were lowlifes, hood rats, kids from the ghetto. I would never label or look down on my friends even if we did have different upbringings. I’m with them because of how they make me feel, not because of their social status. One thing I do know is I am not like them, I didn’t grow up in poverty, I didn’t grow up in the projects. I grew up in the suburbs, yet I hate it here, I hate the people here. I’m not saying I want to live in a poor neighborhood or anything, I’m just saying how ironic that I met the people that I did. I don’t fit in here but I don’t fit in there either systematically speaking. All I know is where I feel love, I'll feel at home.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4JrQpzno5Y
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that life is such a challenge for you and your mum right now, I very much feel for you both.

    I just want to put a different spin on what you said about being priviledged. Not to judge you for how you feel, just to maybe help you see things from a different perspective.

    There are many types of priviledge. I would count myself as a priviledged child (although not as much as the people you seem to be talking about), I have two parents who are still together, we always got whatever we wanted, nice house, I've been to uni, my brother is going shortly, etc. However, Both me and my brother are ill, him physically, and life long, me mentally, and severely so. We have been very priviledged, financially, but in other ways, we have not been priviledged.

    Its very easy to look at what you see in someone (pretty girlfriend, or fast car, etc), but you are only looking at part of the story, and are presuming an awful lot. Whose to say the pretty girlfriend doesn't beat the bloke up, or vice versa, or either is ill, or whatever. Likewise, the fast car could have been bought but be previous stolen goods or something. If someone comes from a good family, there's nothing to say they aren't being abused behind closed doors, or that they are having mega financial problems but are in denail about them or something. So sometimes thinking about what else could be going on, that you're not seeing, can be useful because it can help remind you that even though you view someone as priviledged, everyone has their problems, we just know our own, we don't know others.

    I truly hope you manage to find a job soon, and that when you do some of the pressure is removed from you both.
     
  3. infiniti1027

    infiniti1027 Member

    Scum, that's a very nice sentiment and I know are right in some cases. My aunt was one. She had beauty and money. Everyone loved her. But we believe she had undiagnosed bipolar and she committed suicide at the age of 42 in 1994.

    However, there is a very large percentage of the world that is simply privileged in EVERY way ... financially, physically, educationally, opportunistically. I've encountered a great many of them in my lifetime. My aunt's ex-husband was one. He hid behind a facade of religion, but he was a judgmental, controlling man and he ate away at my aunt's self esteem until after 12 years of marriage she finally divorced him, but she never recovered from the damage he had done to her.

    I grew up relatively poor. I've now been through two marriages and divorces. I have struggled with bipolar with most of my life and will for the rest of my life. I have no advantages, privileges, or opportunities. I struggle with everything that I do. I am suicidal often.

    My world is closing in on me right now in a number of ways, and I am not sure I will be around in 2 weeks. Sometimes there actually are two sides to every coin. But sometimes there is blatant reality too, and reality sucks for a great many of us.
     
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry about your aunt :( that's very, very tragic.

    With regards to your aunt's ex-husband, he may have been priviledged in many ways, but clearly he was not priviledged when it comes to morals, or having a good heart. In those areas he was very clearly lacking. Some may argue, those are actually the most important areas to be priviledged in.

    I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now. I suspect that you do have areas you are priviledged in but are currently unable to see them because of how wretched you feel (such as maybe you are priviledged with your morals, or your heart, or intelligence, etc). Have you posted a thread about how you feel? Maybe reaching out for support may be worth a shot?
     
  5. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Hey, I know how you feel. It is always hard not to feel anger for people who seem to have it all. It doesn't necessarily have to be that they are always more economically privileged, but that they have opportunities at the moment which are not open to all of us. There is definitely not equality and I wish I could tell you something better, but it honestly just sucks. I have spent my college career living at home with zero freedom. I resent the people who have lived in dorm rooms and had the type of college experiences that we see in movies.
     
  6. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    Thank you for your insight.
     
  7. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I too know this kind of resentment towards people who seem to have it all, but I recognise that to many it must seem as though I 'have it all' too, so I am aware that things are not always how they seem. But all too often things are as they seem, and it's just not fair.

    I went to a private boarding school, with very privileged students from around the world, including a prince. In comparison to them, I was extremely poor; part of my fees were paid by the military and I also achieved an academic scholarship. It was very difficult to hear them moan about their trivial problems in their little sheltered lives.

    Even now I have an aversion to spoiled brats, and at uni I cannot help but look down on people whose parents are paying their fees. Somehow I feel that I am a better person for having worked damn hard for six long years to pay my own way, as there is no way my parents would pay for my degree even if they had the money. Maybe I am wrong to feel this way, and of course if the money was offered to me I wouldn't turn it down, so I am not saying that they're wrong; it just makes me feel sick.

    Mim
     
  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Practicality: is it possible to switch from a car on its last legs to public transportation?
     
  9. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Well, if it was all about hard work and doing your part, then why are two billion people without electricity and 1.6 billion without reliable electricity. They work plenty hard, without health insurance, drinking dirty water, without enough schools, eating bug infested food, and caring for their loved ones, not letting someone else worry about them.

    I've met poor people working 2 to 3 jobs, sometimes 70-80 hour weeks, and they're still in the gutter, barely able to pay the bills and they still don't have an education or the money they need to get out of their predicament. I don't care what well off people say, this situation is not fair. Something is wrong with this picture. People are in denial about it.

    I've seen too much that can't be explained any other way than just simply good fortune.

    It's funny that the people best served by this denial are the most affluent. Strange how it works, eh? If people are poor, blame them. If they don't complain, admire them. But in the end, make sure you keep the money because you deserve it.

    More than likely it's a combination of hard work and good fortune. Hard work naturally brings about good fortune, but like anything else it can't work miracles. Being born in a developed country is a big plus. Being born in a white wealthy neighborhood is an even bigger plus.

    What would the rich do without the working class? Who says a CEO should make 1,000 times more than a normal guy? Or 100,000x? Who makes these rules? The politicans. Most politicians are middle to upper class, and many of them are tied to corporate interests. They reflect the best of us and the most wealthy, but the poor mostly get ignored at the end of the day. Just look at medicaire. Since the 1980's money has been stolen from that and funneled elsewhere. Lawmakers don't respect people who can't afford their own healthcare. In fact, when medicare was being legislated, they called it socialist and a slippery slope to communism. The straw man argument is that anyone who can't do it themselves by earning enough money isn't worth the expenditure. But the cold hard reality is that this means shutting the door and watching them die outside. Society won't let that happen, and it will be an ugly mess before things get better.

    In their mind, anyone who doesn't have a college education and doesn't have lots of money didn't try hard enough. The poor are an insult to these middle and upper classmen. They view the poor as a people that have failed and do not deserve respect or sympathy.

    Guess what, most income over $100k-200,000 isn't taxed. It has to do with where they put their money and also that things like social security don't tax over $100,000 approx. So whereas you feel the punch when you're taxed, especially if you're low to middle income, to a wealthy earner it's pennies. It's incentive to earn more income. This is probably why the top 10% own 90% of all practical wealth. The top 1% own 35 to 40 percent. This certainly isn't the only reason this highly unequal relationship exists, but it's one of them. This is a top down society. Survival of the fittest is in full swing. The most intelligent and capable and well off are in command and make the rules.

    Ya. Bush's IQ was in the 120's. I think Clinton's was in the 140's. These guys aren't dumb. Harvard. Yale. Etc. Big business. John McCain owns several homes. Bush worked in oil and has some high friends. Clinton made a lot of deals with people all over. The house and senate are so wrapped up in special interests that you can't tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy. So good luck figuring it out.

    I'm not saying a well to do young person can't reach their dreams. I'm only saying that success is relative. If you win in the special olympics, congratulate yourself, you earned it. Don't let anyone tell you it's not good enough. Don't try to be Micheal Jordan or the next Bill Gates. Be yourself. Try to be responsible. Achieve. But while you're doing all that, be practical about what you can accomplish and be sympathetic to your fellow man. Nobody chose to live here. Nobody chooses where they're born, either. Nobody WANTS to die. People want to be happy and productive. We have to make a world, together, that empowers every single person, from the bottom to the top, of all races and creeds. Set aside prejudice and judgement for god and courts. Every human is a brother and a sister. We're only enemies when we forget that we're family and should support one another. If you help someone, they'll remember that and will seek to help someone else to stay in good conscience. Always assume the best in others. Don't project your fears onto others. Fight ignorance.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2010
  10. shakeandbake

    shakeandbake Member

    How far away is your school? Is it walkable or biking distances away? Or you could get a bus pass that'll save you money on the car insurance and gas.

    Honestly, find any job and start earning money to help your moms pay off the essentials (heating, hydro, electrical bills, groceries) it'll definitely take a load off her back. I'm sure fast food places are always hiring especially with summer about over you could land a part time job while you went to school. I work about 30 hours a week and balance studies in and trust me I'm a lazy guy lol but I manage and I'm sure you will to.. you just adapt to it.

    Also I wouldn't care too much about what other people have that you don't. There are people far worse off than you are right now. Know that you got a mother that loves you who works to put food the table and a roof over your head. That's all that matters at this point bro. Not the fancy cars and big houses. You will get those in the future if you really want it. You just need to believe that you can have good things and bust your ass to get them.

    Keep ya head up
     
  11. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Don't get me wrong here... I mean-- I grew up in a home where we had to drink powdered milk and eat bread heels from the bakery... kids with privilege can also have mental illness- they can also have hardships. Just because you have privilege, doesn't mean you're magically better than everyone else and everything is happy-go-lucky. It might seem that way to someone outside of their actual life, but in all cases I've been able to see into (friends from highschool, college) having money doesn't guarantee a great life.

    Not having privilege - we just have to work harder to accomplish things. We have to try to stay driven to fight and *be* something.
    If you have that drive, then keep on going and don't let anything stop you!
    Because once you are stopped; it sure as hell is hard to get going again.
     
  12. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    There is a huge class divide in my town separated by a big river.

    All the people on my side work crappy jobs and live in council estates, and the people on the other side or the over paid bosses of the people on my side.
     
  13. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    oh yeah! my hometown was the exact same way!
    One side of the town was the "Harbor" and the other side of town was where all of the town's taxed were focused; fixing roads, making everything look pretty-- all with big old victorian houses and cafe's and stuff.

    I lived in the harbor my whole life and just remember that people treated you like shit once they found out you lived in the 'scummy' part of town.
     
  14. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your situation. If you live in a posh/upper-end area, are there any rich Churches around where you're living? 'Cos I can guarantee you that if you go to a Church like that (or several if the first one doesn't work) and read that story out as a testimony during their service to the congregation you will get heaps of people come up to you afterwards with job offers. In my experience pulling on Christian heartstrings is a great way of getting support - I mean, it probably won't be anything significant, it'll be some cheap job that pays minimum wage, but it's still better than unemployment isn't it.
     
  15. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Sorry you are going through this rough spot in life, but these times help us grow. That was well written and honest of you. Even when others seem to have it better, you can be sure we all suffer. I hope someday you can overcome this childhood resentment and see the truth through opened eyes and heart..Blessings..
     
  16. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    Our town used to be great back in the 80s, just before I was born.
    Nice little democratic socialist town, then all the tories, capitalists and libertarians came in and ruined everything. :zombie: