Probably a stupid question...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by SaraRose, Aug 21, 2014.

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  1. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    I've always been the type to over think. And maybe this is what this is. Recently my friend became my roommate- like almost 3 months now (the reason i haven't been around). Anyways I'm always wondering if she even likes it here. Granted some days I haven't been a good 'host' but I'm still dealing with the death of my dad, there are some days that it takes all my energy to smile so I want to do nothing more then curl up and just stare at my phone.
    Anyways I've told her from the beginning if she ever wants to go anywhere I am more than happy to take her, even on days I work. I've offered to take her to pagan group meetings and church and everything she expresses interest in. But she always refuses. I wouldn't care about that, except one night when she got drunk and confessed she has no friends here. That killed me on the inside. I keep telling myself it was just drunk ramblings, but part of me can't help to feel that that's what she really feels.
    It kills me to think she would feel that way. I've offered so damn much. She's known for telling the truth when drunk. So that's why I'm feeling like this. I would do more with her but she sleeps all day and is up all night, I work and go to school full time so I can't be awake forever.
    I guess what I'm wondering is how do I make this work better. Maybe I'm stupid and no one can help. I'm not an overly social person. I'm the only one working so I can't blow money daily by going out to places. I work nights and do school during the day so some days I'm antisocial because I'm either sleeping or going on 24 hours of no sleep.
    And no I haven't told her what she said and she doesn't remember it.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I would open up a conversation with her i would Tell her what you heard and how much it hurts you inside because you consider her a good friend That you wish you could be more available but bills have to be paid and is there anyway she could think of that would make her feel less lonely Maybe come up with a schedule where you can just go out together shopping sometimes hour a week even Get her involved in the plan ok Open conversations is the only way for a true friendship to last.
     
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, SaraRose. Sometimes, in the depths of feeling awful about something, people use "catastrophic" or "absolute" terms to describe their situations - "no one" cares, "everybody else" can live without problems, I have "no friends". Alcohol can cause people to say/do things they normally wouldn't - but it's not necessarily the overarching truth, it might simply be the way the person feels at that given moment. I am not sure if I would take it at face value as the truth of how she feels about you, if it was influenced by her drinking.

    However, her comments are nonetheless hurtful to the people who are trying to be friends and to care - to you.

    TE's suggestion to talk to her is good. Clear the air, share what you are both feeling. She might be able to understand that you do care and that she can reach out to you; you can explain how you felt about what she said because you are a friend and are offering to help her. And you can set the boundaries with her regarding just how and how much you can do with and for her, and why you have boundaries (school, gas money, etc).

    If she continues to drink to excess a lot, I think you may be facing a difficult situation. Helping her with things while she continues to drink could be enabling her to stay on that path of self-destructive behavior - because although your help might cause her to have fewer reasons to drink, she has the help in place that allows her to get by "even though she drinks." Just a cautionary note, hun. Go into this with firm boundaries and your eyes open. :hug:

    Wishing you good luck, sweetie!
     
  4. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about you Dad.

    Congratulations on carrying such a full load! I am beyond impressed...(because I couldn't do one of those things successfully).

    You've done the best you could with this friend. She can't expect the world from you. And what else does she want? She's got to take some responsibility for her own situation as well. I agree that communication is the key - but when isn't it, really? All you can do is offer your assistance, and then it's up to her to take it. But don't overextend your self!

    Keep up the great work! : )
     
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