Problems in paradise.. HELP!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stuckinchicago6, Mar 19, 2011.

  1. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I got into a huge argument with my husband today. It started off with him sending me a text message this morning after going on a skiing trip. I misunderstood the text he sent me (as his first language is not English so sometimes they are not clear). Anyway, because of this text I thought he was still at the ski resort, rather than having gone home. In since he has to go to the airport to meet me on Monday, I commented that maybe he shouldn't have gone. He went on to call me crazy, but then when he seen that I misunderstood him rather than knowing he was at home, he apologized. Still, I was hurt by him calling me "crazy" and lately his patience is running low when it comes to my sensitivity so I brought up some other issues. He went on to tell me that all I do is nag and look to fight. I admit, I am a difficult person at times, but I hate fighting. Really! Sometimes, I just want to discuss a situation and analyze it more in depth with him. He doesn't seem to understand this lately. He will tell me I am looking to fight.

    To make a long story short, by the end of the day we were sending "kisses" to each other and although everything seemed well, this time felt different for me. My husband promised me he would never tell me "bye". Even when we leave each other we never say "bye", we only say "see you". In our argument today, he sent me 10 "byes". This hurt me beyond belief and it is something that scares me now. Broken promises are scary when I look at my relationships from the past.

    To add fuel to this situation, I am going with MY MOTHER aka Super psycho bitch to meet him tomorrow in since I have a week of spring break. My mother already embarrassed me to him on webcam today. She was kind and social to him, but she also makes dumb ignorant comments. I can only imagine what this trip is going to be. Also, spending so much time with her, I am sure she is going to paint a less than flattering picture of me to him. Thankfully, my mom will be sleeping in her own separate room. HELP, HOW DO I HANDLE THIS POTENTIALLY DISASTROUS SITUATION?????? I am thinking of explaining to him that mom and me are different people and reminding her on the flight of what to say and what not to say. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO???
     
  2. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I just can't stop crying tonight. I have to travel tomorrow and I'm a wreck. my mom keeps nagging soooo much. Tonight, I tried to get her to understand me, but all she did was blame me. It was my fault I never wanted to get involved in groups or anything and join clubs, it was my fault I had problems in school and always wanted to switch schools. SHE ATTRIBUTES THESE THINGS TO THE FACT THAT I AM LONELY WITH NO FRIENDS. Tonight, just because I was a little emotional and I teared up a little over the argument I had with my husband, she immediately started screaming telling me I don't need to be somebody's wife but with a doctor/psychiatrist.

    Here is my response to my mother:

    DEAR MOM,
    I respectfully disagree with everything you say and every thought in your head. Hmmm, joining clubs and getting involved. Anytime, I did something I loved, you criticized me and told me I wasn't good at it and made me self-conscious to quit. When I was in dance, the other mothers watched their little girls proudly. Meanwhile, on the ride, home, you would ask me what was wrong with me and constantly criticize my dancing, while telling me how lovely the other girls danced. Mother, you have never even taken one dance class in your life to know what should and should not be done. Yet, you are always the authority. You even made fun of my weight, along with the rest of our terrible relatives. I have always been an avid writer. Professors praise me for my writings and even ask me for help. When I used to try to read you my poems, you would tell me that you didn't want to hear my shit. When I took guitar lessons, you had to embarrass me about having a crush on my teacher. Not in a playful way, but in a sick and taunting way. Then, to further embarrass me, you even had to mention to me that my teacher told you she seen me writing his name on my notebook. When I was in acting and you came to my plays, you constantly criticized me as well. For example if I would do an accent, you would tell me that you didn't like it. Even in high school when I took French and I would come home and recite my vocabulary to you, you would rudely say that I didn't sound French. Now, I am taking voice lessons and singing is something I have never really done except for when I was taking chorus in elementary school. The minute I sang you the song I was practicing on, you did not give me 1 compliment, you jumped to the criticizing. Please stop hurting me. You know very well that anytime I tried to get involved in anything, you discourage me as you continue to do today. As for school, it is not always easy to get along at schools when I was a little girl who witnessed so much violence at home and even though dad is gone, I still have to be emotionally abused by my mother. Please stop!
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry your Mum is so negative...it's more about her though than it is about you by the sound of it..
    have you ever read books on being assertive? maybe do a course on it..
    that way you can learn how to talk to her when she's off on her negative spiels..
    people who run others down usually have low self esteems themselves..
    I hope the trip goes ok.