Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Evan1, Sep 17, 2016.

  1. Evan1

    Evan1 Member

    Recently, i've been feeling pretty suicidal. I wish i could stop feeling this way, but i cant help it. I keep making plans in my head and thinking about what i'll write on my note and who i'll give my belongings to. I'm exhausted waking up every morning and having to push through my day. Its the same dumb routine. People keep asking me "Are you ok?" or "What's wrong?". Part of me wants to scream that i'm not fine, but i just tell them that "i'm just tired." My family is starting to tell that somethings wrong and I don't like that. I'm really scared of the future. All I see are so many obstacles. What if I don't achieve my dreams and end up more miserable than i am now? Why should I keep going? Whats the point? The main thing keeping me here is the worry that if i attempt suicide i'll fail. I'm afraid that it'll go wrong and i'll live the rest of my life in even more pain.
    I wish i had someone really close i trust that i can talk to. I have a small group of friends, but its not the same as having one person that you can truly trust and talk about anything with. It's hard for me to talk to people. I think about this a lot and when i do it just makes me feel so pathetic and alone. In school, i see so many people talking normally and i just can't. I want to communicate normally and be social, but my social anxiety prevents me from doing that. That leads me to isolating myself and feeling weak. I just want everything to end so I won't have to deal with this anymore.
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    oh i'm so glad you reached out to the forum!

    do you know what is making you feel suicidal?

    how long have you had these feelings, and are you seeing anyone about it?. (councelor etc)

    please keep posting, all of us here at the forum wants to help
    Evan1 likes this.
  3. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Evan, welcome to the forum. Life can seem pretty overwhelming at times and we get depressed and everything looks dark and scary. You could speak with a counsellor/therapist at your school if there is one or even a teacher you trust. Basically try and find someone to speak with, even your family doctor. I think you'll find you can work through these feelings and get better. I know it's tough my friend, but life can get better. Take care and reach out for the help you need.
    Evan1 likes this.
  4. Evan1

    Evan1 Member

    I've been feeling this way for over 1 and a half years now. Nothing specific is making me suicidal, i just feel that everyone would be better off without me. If i'm gone, they wont have to deal with me and i wouldn't have to deal with life. I'm currently not seeing anyone about this and all my thoughts and feelings are constantly bottled up inside me. I want to see a therapist, but in order to do that i would have to tell my parents and i'm not sure if im ready for that yet.
    Brian777 likes this.
  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Evan, maybe you're parents have already noticed that something is bothering you and I'm sure they're worried about it. I believe they'd rather know then they'd be able to help you. You'll be amazed how much better you feel when you share all those feelings and get them out of you. Think about telling your parents or someone else you trust.
    Evan1 likes this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think you should tell your parents, they might be more understanding than you think.
    Think of it this way, would you rather them find you deceased or telling them you are depressed? (no guilt added in there just my opinion).
    PLEASE seek help, you are too young to be going through all of this on your own. You deserve to get help and be helped. I hope you make the right decision and seek help :)
    Evan1 and Brian777 like this.
  7. ponkotsu

    ponkotsu Well-Known Member

    Hi, Evan. Your post sounds a lot like me. I worry a lot about my future too.

    I know you may not feel this way, but it's good that your family is starting to notice something is up. Is there anyone at school you can talk to? A counselor or teacher or anyone? Be aware that they'll have to tell your parents if you express thoughts of wanting to hurt or kill yourself but maybe it can be a starting point. Bottling it up might be contributing to the way you're feeling. You don't have to tell them everything either if it helps. Just that you've been feeling really low for a while and are wondering if therapy could help. Most parents would want nothing more than to help their child through something like this.

    Until then, maybe keep talking to us here? It could be good "training" for when you decide to tell someone in your real life.
    Evan1 likes this.
  8. Lydian

    Lydian New Member


    Social anxiety is a bonafide fear, I hear your sadness in dealing with all your thoughts. You took the first step by reaching out to this group. Something inside you trusted others enough to write your thoughts about suicide here. That makes me think you truly do want to reach out, find answers and live. Everyone here genuinely cares about you, what you wrote and are here for you.
    There have been times in my life (most likely everyone’s life) when thoughts of suicide arrive after feeling tired, bored, exhausted, confused, overwhelmed, miserable and the list goes on and on. Not every thought that goes through your mind is truth. The truth is your parents love you, your friends care and even the people in group welcome you and are concerned about the struggles you face. Please tell your parents, don’t stop there until you feel safe. Keep connected here, find help professionally or through school or a church.
    Evan1 likes this.