Recently, i've been feeling pretty suicidal. I wish i could stop feeling this way, but i cant help it. I keep making plans in my head and thinking about what i'll write on my note and who i'll give my belongings to. I'm exhausted waking up every morning and having to push through my day. Its the same dumb routine. People keep asking me "Are you ok?" or "What's wrong?". Part of me wants to scream that i'm not fine, but i just tell them that "i'm just tired." My family is starting to tell that somethings wrong and I don't like that. I'm really scared of the future. All I see are so many obstacles. What if I don't achieve my dreams and end up more miserable than i am now? Why should I keep going? Whats the point? The main thing keeping me here is the worry that if i attempt suicide i'll fail. I'm afraid that it'll go wrong and i'll live the rest of my life in even more pain. I wish i had someone really close i trust that i can talk to. I have a small group of friends, but its not the same as having one person that you can truly trust and talk about anything with. It's hard for me to talk to people. I think about this a lot and when i do it just makes me feel so pathetic and alone. In school, i see so many people talking normally and i just can't. I want to communicate normally and be social, but my social anxiety prevents me from doing that. That leads me to isolating myself and feeling weak. I just want everything to end so I won't have to deal with this anymore.