Procrastination and suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by posix_memalign, Sep 21, 2009.

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  1. posix_memalign

    posix_memalign New Member

    Hi everyone,
    I'm not sure what to write here, this is not the kind of thing I usually write about.

    I'm a university computer science student who sometimes have suicidal feelings. Ever since I was little I've wanted to end my life every now and then; however, due to having such a strong fear of death which directly contradicts my desire to end my life I'm still alive. I'm an atheist.

    During the last couple of years I've thought more about ending my life, my reasons for this are mainly that I hate myself and that I procrastinate a lot.

    To be honest it is actually quite a paradox for me to even write about this, because I have since long pretty much established that nothing anyone can just say to me will make things right for me, what exactly can a psychologist tell me that I haven't thought about for myself during the numerous years I've had this issue?
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2009
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Is there a reason you hate yourself? What makes you feel that way?
  3. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    yea why do u feel that way

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    i conqure, WHY ?
  5. blueman

    blueman Well-Known Member

    I know that feeling..... hating yourself because you feel you've procrastinated over everything for far too long, you feel you've under-achieved in life (correct me if I'm wrong, these are MY feelings) and you only know that you must HATE yourself for not doing all the things you think you should have to validate your life. The 'what if' and 'if only' questions pop up constantly in my mind, does the same happen to you?
  6. posix_memalign

    posix_memalign New Member

    I believe I have already stated my primary reason.

    Yes, this is pretty much the same way I feel.
  7. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I used to hate myself but I've learned that I'm angry with myself. Anger gets me thinking and I start working on myself for myself. I don't try to fix myself. I work on meeting my needs.

    I have chronic depression and I'm different from other people and I've stopped comparing myself to people who are different.

    I like being here because the people who are here are the same as me.
  8. blueman

    blueman Well-Known Member

    The saying 'two heads are better than one' is very true. The other person may have ideas that you had not previously thought of. You need to open your mind to the possibility that someone else has the answer for you, even when you think you have exhausted all possibilities of a solution yourself.
  9. blueman

    blueman Well-Known Member

    I am merely trying to help!
  10. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Yes, I feel the EXACT same way. I continue to fall behind my peers in life, staying stagnant, procrastinating in life. I feel a lot of regret over so many things I have already missed, so many missed experiences, oppourtunities. And its only getting
    worse as I keep procrastinating.

    And I could have been a normal person, something went very wrong along the way and so I am a very under-achieving loser.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 23, 2009
  11. blueman

    blueman Well-Known Member

    We are in the same boat, Rahul!
  12. blueman

    blueman Well-Known Member

    To expand on Rahul's message, I too have missed many opportunities in life. Oh it could be so different if only I'd completed the course I'd spent thousands on, I'd be earning so much more money now, I'd be so much more employable. I've just enrolled in another course on a different career path, and though I've started I'm unable to continue it. I procrastinate, I don't feel capable of learning, some say I'm just idle or finding excuses but they just don't understand the difficulty I'm having coming to terms with the illness I have. Depression does a great many negative things to you, it doesn't just make you feel sad or down, it crushes your spirit, it wrings the life from you, it absorbs all the bad things about life and concentrates on torturing you with it.

    So, all my peers, all my school colleagues from years gone by, I'm sure most are doing heaps better than me, and if they are then good luck to them. But it doesn't detract from the knowledge that I can't get out of this loop right now.
  13. Nascito

    Nascito New Member

    I agree opening I'm too afraid to kill myself also, but only because I have a feeling it would suck : (
  14. blueman

    blueman Well-Known Member

    This contradicts your current situation. Doesn't your life suck right now anyway? If you wanted to kill yourself you would do it because 'things can only get better'.

    By the way, I don't condone killing yourself. Life sucks, let's work on how to make it suck less!
  15. posix_memalign

    posix_memalign New Member

    I don't have much to say.

    It is in the middle of the night here, 3:40 am, I have an exam in ... 5 hours and 20 minutes, which I will attend without sleep, and fail miserably.
  16. blueman

    blueman Well-Known Member

    All I can say is do your best. Your entire life doesn't decide on this one exam. You can resit exams, retake lessons. Some people go back to school later in their years to successfully take and pass the exams they failed back then. If you fail on this, take more time next time to prepare for the next exam that comes along and get a good night's sleep and show the world you are not a quitter! :)
  17. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    Everyone else hates me,therefor I don't need to hate myself
  18. posix_memalign

    posix_memalign New Member

    Thanks ... :)
  19. blueman

    blueman Well-Known Member

    Do you know this to be fact? Did you hold a nationwide census? :lol!:

    The truth MAY be that just one or a few people dislike you (it must've been something you did to trigger their 'hate' about you, or they're just generally unbalanced in their own minds!) but the general consensus across the nation, across the world would be that they are passive because they don't know you, so in truth this is the reason why the entire world doesn't LOVE you, but also certainly don't HATE you either.

    And so, there must be a person, or a few people who you don't get along with right now, right? Tell us more please. :)
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