so does anyone else procrastinate terribly when they really don't want to do something? my counselor wants me to try to get into a program (i don't have insurance) that is run by my state that would get me access to psychiatrists and prescriptions. when i contacted them about setting up an appointment it seemed like it might be fairly difficult for me to provide all the documentation that they require, plus i just don't know if i can afford it, even if it is cheap. part of my problem is that i do contract work, so i don't have just one employer, and most of my work doesn't hold out taxes. about 10 years ago i got behind on my taxes and it took me until just about 3 years ago to get it all cleaned up and paid off. well, with the downturn in the economy i have gotten behind again. and so since i don't have the money, i procrastinate and don't file my taxes. then i owe more due to non-filing and late fees and penalties. it's just a big unholy mess. well, because i haven't filed taxes for the last couple of years, i have trouble documenting my income for the state agency. they suggested that i approach every employer i work for (which depending on the year can be up to 10 different ones) and get them to write a letter stating what is going on. i have no desire to let my employers (many of which are friends) know what is going on with my life, in this respect. and so the cycle repeats. i don't have money. so i can't get help. i can't get help so i make less money. on and on. part of the reason i'm here and seeking therapy is because of my financial crisis. i feel like a failure that can't even manage to take care of himself. but i can't get help because i'm a failure. ugh. so frustrated today. i have been putting off actually going to this agency to look for help because it seems like a waste of time and i'm afraid they will just turn me away. but my counselor keeps asking, and so i need to go, if for no other reason than to be able to tell him honestly that i've tried. i've been on medication before and i didn't like the way it felt. i hate going to dr's and i am absolutely terrified of needles, yet i know that even if i am accepted i will have to submit to blood tests (i literally pass out ever single time i get stuck with a needle-great for the self esteem of a 39 year old man). well, i'm done ranting for now. probably going to a bar with a friend. hopefully that will make my day a little better.