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Professional Help, Difficult To Seek?

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Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Ok talking to a shrink is never easy. Remember they are NOT mind readers and have to take what u say as what is happening. Also some are better than others.

I spent 6 months in therapy with a doctor who was about as much use as a cold potato (less in fact), then I got a new therapist. He scared me from the start and with good reason, nothing got past him and for the next few years he became the most important person in my life. It was a long and difficult journey but he helped me more than I ever thought possible.

Having said that, you have to be the one who commits to the relationship, cos that's what u have to have with your therapist or doctor or u won't be able to trust them. Keep trying, there is a doc out there that will be able to give u the help u need.
I know I need help.
I know I have serious problems.
I know I'm ruining myself even more.
I know A LOT of things about myself & how I feel.

So, why is getting help so difficult? I feel like I'm being lazy, but I know if I had appointments to see a therapist or to be apart of group therapy, I'd go. I tell many of my close friends, esp. my boyfriend, that I need help. I show them that I'm completely insane & let them in on my deepest, darkest secrets. They know I'm honest w/ them, even though I second guess a lot of what I am saying, but I just feel like they don't take me seriously. I want them to help. I even tell them that.

I don't know why I haven't sought help for myself. Fear? Embarrassment? Nerves? Indenial? I couldn't tell you b/c I can't even tell myself. However, it's something that I desperately need.

I did get checked into a psycho ward for a week, after my suicide attempt. I know I needed to be there & I really spoke out during group therapy. [Amazing since I'm usually shy & closed around strangers, but the people in my group could relate]. When it came time to speaking one-on-one w/ the doctor, I was like a clam. I shut myself up so tight, telling him that I'm doing better [when I wasn't] & that my suicidal thoughts have subsided [when they didn't]. I was so angry w/ him for believing me that I felt like he didn't really understand. I don't have much faith in the medical system & professionals.

I wish someone, ex. my boyfriend, would grab hold of me. The conversations we have are real. They're me at my worst. I wish he would give them to a doctor & really show him what I'm like when I'm losing it. I talk about things that I bottle up to the world, things that I would love to talk w/ a doctor about. I just find it extremely hard to do so. I feel like I need someone to hold my hand through all of this. Someone to sit next to me & almost talk for me, or at least begin the talk. Maybe, I should consider dating a shrink? :tongue: Humor. I use it so much & so often to cover up my saddness.

How did everyone else get through this - alone? How do you help yourself when you don't even know where to begin? Do professionals really care that much about you to make your problems something "special & important?"

<3 Amber
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