In December of 2015 I saw a doctor for the first time in a decade. I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, type 2 diabetes, hypogonadism, hyperlipidemia, hypertension, peripheral neuropathy and a host of symptom related disorders stemming from these. I am told by MD/councelors that I can look forward to progressive decline in blood sugar control and imminent need for insulin therapy. In the next five years I am told to expect partial vision loss, possible need for dialysis(certain reduced kidney function),70% likelihood of a Cardiovascular event. All this if I with continue the diet and lifestyle changes implemented in the last seven months and am compliant with the prescription medication regimen(7 meds a day). I no longer enjoy eating. I am no longer sexually active in any way. I need naps and am continually feeling fatigue. Because my work requires physical minimums I am excluded from my life employment. Most importantly I see friends and family avert their eyes. I have become that health obsessed, morose, bitter old man that is cloud in everyones life. In short. Life sucks- it will only get worse, optimistically it will get worse slowly. People in my life kindly tolerate me but it is obvious my absence would be a relief. I have made a plan to exit early. I don't know what I am looking for here, I guess it is hard to hold all of this stuff completely inside.