Progress made... but what is it without professional sucess?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Apr 7, 2014.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    I believe the reason I joined SF a billion or so years ago was college struggles. Between lack of direction, simple not being a smart person, and mental health issues... I repeatedly broke down. I spent a lot of time sure I would fail the next exam, and sure that I would kill myself for it.

    Eventually I dropped out of college... GPA is respectable but at the rate I was going... I don't remember how old I figured I would be, but it was much to old to make sailing through college worth anything.

    Unfortunately my current "job" broke me down repeatedly... as well as anxiety and depression. Eventually a combination of the 3 got me thrown in the hospital. While that wasn't fun it did get me to realize I need help.

    Therapy has been good for personal well being. I am tackling certain things in child hood breaking past some of the bullying, seeing where I started thinking I am someone who everybody hates, thinking why would women ever like me and other stuff like that... and it has helped. I have never seen so much hope ther.

    The problem is it circles back to career... without it I am nothing. There is no way in hell I can thingk about marrying a woman if I am not making a decent enough salary to make house payments, and have enough to take care of children. I am going to be a very boring friend if I don't have the money to go out when invited.

    I have wasted 7 years of my life on this fucking family business... but the relative who owns it thinks I am to stupid to be anything more than a laboror.

    So... I am 24 looking to start at the bottom... but I am burnt out of the bottom. Even if I do find a job despite being a college drop out and having no expierence... I am going to burn out and become suicidal really quickly if I don't see hope for purpose, and financial security. I can't keep persueing dead ends... I can't handel being trapped anymore.

    I don't know how the hell to fix this... I am not good at much... I can't go through another heavey season of my current job without killing myself... I just can't. Furthermore I don't know how the hell I can handel a new dead end job if I don't have a family, or something else to tell myself Ia m doing it for.

    Maybe I am a good person... but unless I discover my calling... I fear it is only a matter of time before Ib reakdown and relapse to my old, constantly broken down and suicidal state.
  2. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    Well I can tell you first hand that having a busy career, house payments, wife and kids is definitely not going to be a ticket to happiness.

    It is extremely stressful and difficult. Its a lifestyle filled with pressure, uncertainty and anxiety. I have dealt with it for 16 years.

    The only way I can handle it is with daily meditation, walks outside, exercise, and lots of time away with my friends doing music.

    Trust me, your answer is not a career and a woman. Its continuing to learn how to cope with anxiety and depression.

    That is why holy people stay poor and never get married. They are wiser than us and seek peace first. So I learned my lesson this lifetime.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 7, 2014
  3. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    Hey 9,

    I really connect with what you're saying. I'm in college right now, but I feel so lost. I didn't know what to do when I started, and now that I'm half way through, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I don't want to be here, but I have no idea what else I would do..

    I don't think that a good job will make you happier. I find enjoyment in the things that I do for free. Not that this is a sustainable practice, but the point is that a job doesn't have to, and shouldn't, define you.

    I'm in a lot of debt already.. I want to drop, but I'm afraid to. Hold on, please? So that I know that I can hold on, too?
    24 is still so young. Job experience will go farther than a degree, at this point. You will find where you belong.
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