Progress

The counsellor thinks I am making progress. I really can't see it myself. All I can see is that I am talking about things I have not talked about before it has made me worse and I have gone from not wanting to die to it being all I think about. How is that progress. I really like her. She has said she thinks possibly I am being too harsh on myself. But if dealing with my issues makes me feel like this I think I prefer boxing them off and pushing them away. I think I would prefer just to self harm and not actually want to die. I would not feel so tired and like I want to give up. Running away just seems more and more appealing every day!

 

I know it does hun. And I know how hard this is for you. Any time you have to open up all that hurt, it can be so very taxing. But it will get better. It may take some time but it will feel better on the inside and out. And you can keep posting here too. A place where others understand exactly what you are struggling with.

And yes you are being too hard on yourself. But then dont we all here seem to do that so well to ourselves. It is a form of protection. And we seem to use it too often because we know it works to keept he painful things tucked far away. But the longer we hide them the worse they hurt us in the long run.

Personally I'm so very proud of you for taking the step and opening up with your counselor. Be proud too hun. You deserve it!!! :arms:

 

I would like to second all Itmahanh said...
keep going ok...it won't be easy but in the long run is better for you..:hugtackles:

 

Have you discussed this with your counsellor? X

 

I told her I was tired of it all. That I want to run away and she said I need to stop beating myself up and not see things as backward steps but more of sideways ones. I don't see that I am going anywhere at all and I have no order with anything. I said I was close to giving up and I didn't know how much more I could take. She then said what we have been doing so far has been a bit all over the place and I am being hard on myself. She said we now need to have a focus for each session and go from there. I'm dreading it. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I can't deal with it.