So, okay here we go... The main reason I joined this forum is to basically tell other people who understand what I'm going through. *The only two people who really know about me contemplating suicide are my wife, who doesn't really help and our friend, who's broken down more than a few times when I bring it up. *So, I don't tell her anymore. *I just put a fake smile and try to avoid being in her presence. I've been thinking about suicide for quite some time; just imaginings, really. *But it's since gotten a lot worse. I've always thought of jumping off something high. *Due to my extreme fear of heights, I figured it'd be poetic in a sense. *But throw in a series of horrible events over the past couple of months, including a stay in a psych ward for six days and a reaction to the anti-depressants my idle thoughts started to change into something more achievable and the thought become overwhelming. Where before it was just a thought maybe once or twice a day, it has since become a constant urge. I am absolutely terrified that I might actually do it. I feel like I'm slowly slipping out of touch with reality and the thought has taken over. So much so that it has caused me to burst into tears on several occasions, which is saying something, because the last time I actually cried was when I was still in single digits. I know there's nothing anyone can really do to help at this point, but I just wanted other people (especially ones that won't try and put me back in the psych ward) and hopefully ease this burden I've been carrying, because it's becoming extremely difficult to manage on my own.