Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by DarlingIAdoreYou, Feb 5, 2015.

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  1. DarlingIAdoreYou

    DarlingIAdoreYou Active Member

    I made a promise to my friend to never self harm again but he lives in Canada and i live in Texas (USA). And since we've made the promise. I've done it 3 times,he only knows about 1 time. He said that if i cut he cuts because he used to self harm. And since he doesn't live close, he can't see my arms or thighs. I don't want to tell him because i don't want him to hurt himself just because of me, but its killing me not telling him. I don't know what to do
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    This is exactly why I disagree with these non harm pacts. It's fine to sign a no harm form with a professional or someone stable but when 2 people who are unstable make these pacts it's asking for trouble in my opinion. I'd tell your friend you want to get out of the pact for good and positive reasons and see a professional.
  3. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    I agree with Petal. And him saying that is just wrong.....that puts his self harm on YOU and that's not ok. You're only responsible for yourself. And if he did cut it would not be your fault.
  4. DarlingIAdoreYou

    DarlingIAdoreYou Active Member

    I knowits wrong of him to put that on me but he said he couldn't let me hurt the one thing he cares about
  5. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    There are other ways to stop you though.
  6. DarlingIAdoreYou

    DarlingIAdoreYou Active Member

    Like how? He lives thousandsof miles away from me
  7. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    that sounds like a shady pact sort of thing.
    try different methods of expressing pain
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Like you write to him or phone him and say what's going on and talk about your feelings, INSTEAD OF self-harming. Or if need to "do" something, do something creative and constructive like write a poem, a song, a story; paint a picture; take a photograph; walk the dog; play with a pet; bake; sculpt; build a model of something...; go for a walk, run, bicycle ride; meditate; join a self-help group in your local area; help someone less fortunate in some way...

    Your friend might live thousands of miles away, but he obviously wants to be part of your "support" network. Let him "support you" - talk to him about what you could do instead of self-harming. I'd say drop the "pact" though, it's not fair to either of you, and is risky as you are both not 100% stable.

    Give yourself little "rewards" for getting through a rough patch without self-harming...a nice cup of coffee, a favorite pastry, a special treat of some kind. Be good to yourself. Please. And that means you're also being a good friend. I'm sure you can do it! :hug:
  9. DarlingIAdoreYou

    DarlingIAdoreYou Active Member

    He doesn't have a lot of time to talk on the phone. Is really complicated, and i don't get out a lot because i have really bad social anxiety.
  10. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    Acy summed it up. There is always a different way. A better way then a shady pact.
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