So I have a psych appointment tomorrow. I don't like her and she doesn't listen to me. They have diagnosed me as having emotionally unstable personality disorder (basically the same as borderline). However, my argument is that I don't and I researched it properly like looking at journal articles etc (like a good little psychologist) and i still don't think I have. So she says that is prop reason why antidepressants haven't worked for me. So we agreed to try out Mirtazapine as a last try. Is anyone else on these??? I found that they did have some effect - mainly as they were helping me sleep so felt better as could function better. However this past week I have taken 2 od's. Not major ones. 15 pills on Tues nite and about between 25-30 last night. I have not gone to hospital or anything. The reason behind them was that I am feeling bad again as my boyfriend ended it. So my question is do I tell the pdoc about the od's. It only builds on her theory of pd if i do and I still don't agree. She said I use the self harm and od's as a way out and not having to deal with the situation. Now doesn't that mean that anyone who self harms does have a PD 2? Looking at self harm most people do so as they get relief, and is a way of coping (red tears). So basically everyone must have a PD? A lot of the symptoms are common with depression and the symptoms of mine that do match are the ones that are common with depression. Also to have a PD it needs to occur during adolescene. Not in adult life! I never harmed when I was growing up and the 1st time I cut was 2 years ago when I was 22. Not 15 onwards like all the literature says! When I tell her about this she said well none of the anti depressants worked so it must be. My moods fluctuate so it must be and I try and kill myself so it must be! She has written to my doc and has basically said that there is nothin more that they can do at their dept as I wont do the group thing! I've seen the same social worker since Feb 2007 and I still don't feel comfortable telling him everything so what makes them think I can go and sit in a group and tell a big group of people my feelings! No it's not going to happen! I've started writing things down in a note book which is basically my ramblings on. Last time I was in hospital I wrote down a load of things. While I was there the woman in the bed next to me died. No one knew as she wasn't being monitored or anything. What a sad way to die. There was no one next to her and I had my earphones in with music on really loud so if she had have cried out I didn't hear. I felt bad at first and then thought why couldn't it have been me that died. How I had ended up in hospital I don't know. When I have planned the od and have taken the pills it is like I am not in my own body and everything goes blank. That time I had taken these pills that can make you hallucinate and is basically an opiate so that is understandable. I woke up in resus and thought I had been stabbed. They put a drip in me and somehow the cap had come off and I was bleeding a hell of a lot. I had lost about a pint of blood apparantly. Was cos I was lying on my side that noone noticed I was losing blood. But I woke up covered in blood and didn;t know what had happened. Apparantly I was sat at edge of road and was talking to someone and as I wasn't making sense and I had a nose blees they called ambulance. I think if I ever do it again I will bloody barracade myself in so I cant get out! So I don't want to tell them about last night and the night before. I managed to stop myself before taking the lot. I flushed about 30 down the loo. So that's the important thing right?