Psych appt 2mo!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Sep 11, 2008.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So I have a psych appointment tomorrow. I don't like her and she doesn't listen to me. They have diagnosed me as having emotionally unstable personality disorder (basically the same as borderline). However, my argument is that I don't and I researched it properly like looking at journal articles etc (like a good little psychologist) and i still don't think I have. So she says that is prop reason why antidepressants haven't worked for me. So we agreed to try out Mirtazapine as a last try. Is anyone else on these???

    I found that they did have some effect - mainly as they were helping me sleep so felt better as could function better. However this past week I have taken 2 od's. Not major ones. 15 pills on Tues nite and about between 25-30 last night. I have not gone to hospital or anything.

    The reason behind them was that I am feeling bad again as my boyfriend ended it. So my question is do I tell the pdoc about the od's. It only builds on her theory of pd if i do and I still don't agree. She said I use the self harm and od's as a way out and not having to deal with the situation. Now doesn't that mean that anyone who self harms does have a PD 2? Looking at self harm most people do so as they get relief, and is a way of coping (red tears). So basically everyone must have a PD? A lot of the symptoms are common with depression and the symptoms of mine that do match are the ones that are common with depression. Also to have a PD it needs to occur during adolescene. Not in adult life! I never harmed when I was growing up and the 1st time I cut was 2 years ago when I was 22. Not 15 onwards like all the literature says!

    When I tell her about this she said well none of the anti depressants worked so it must be. My moods fluctuate so it must be and I try and kill myself so it must be! She has written to my doc and has basically said that there is nothin more that they can do at their dept as I wont do the group thing! I've seen the same social worker since Feb 2007 and I still don't feel comfortable telling him everything so what makes them think I can go and sit in a group and tell a big group of people my feelings! No it's not going to happen!

    I've started writing things down in a note book which is basically my ramblings on. Last time I was in hospital I wrote down a load of things. While I was there the woman in the bed next to me died. No one knew as she wasn't being monitored or anything. What a sad way to die. There was no one next to her and I had my earphones in with music on really loud so if she had have cried out I didn't hear. I felt bad at first and then thought why couldn't it have been me that died. How I had ended up in hospital I don't know. When I have planned the od and have taken the pills it is like I am not in my own body and everything goes blank. That time I had taken these pills that can make you hallucinate and is basically an opiate so that is understandable. I woke up in resus and thought I had been stabbed. They put a drip in me and somehow the cap had come off and I was bleeding a hell of a lot. I had lost about a pint of blood apparantly. Was cos I was lying on my side that noone noticed I was losing blood. But I woke up covered in blood and didn;t know what had happened. Apparantly I was sat at edge of road and was talking to someone and as I wasn't making sense and I had a nose blees they called ambulance. I think if I ever do it again I will bloody barracade myself in so I cant get out!

    So I don't want to tell them about last night and the night before. I managed to stop myself before taking the lot. I flushed about 30 down the loo. So that's the important thing right?
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun it sounds like it's time to find a different pdoc. I know the thought of starting all over again is overwhelming. But obviously this doc aint doing a thing for you. Pills and more pills. Unfortunately most professionals have never dealt with any mental health issues personally and learned what they know from textbooks and lectures. Could you imagine a mechanic that only learned from a book and never had any real experience? Same for most docs in my opinion. They hit and miss from a vast knowledge but no experience. They have no clue what it is like inside the heads of their patients. As for groups, therapy groups may not be the thing for you. But have you considered a support group. Just ordinary folks like yourself that are dealing with their issues with support and help from the others there. No pressures or stress. You dont even have to talk if you dont want to . Just sit and listen. It is amazing the things you can learn about your health issue from these other people. And believe me from one who can barely leave her house, I look forward to attending mine cuz I'm an equal not just another patient that some doc gets paid to see. These people are guenuine and know what it's all about. Bravo to you for flushing the rest hun!!!! Now that is one difficult step to take, so maybe while you're feeling strong try the support group and start looking for a new pdoc. Sounds like they are giving up anyhow. Good luck and never stop coming to your friends here that will always care and understand.
  3. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I can;t get another one as that was the one assigned to me by the NHS at the hospital. I don't get a choice. I will speak to her again 2mo about and and see what she says. If I don't get anywhere with her when I see my social worker I will ask him. I wrote down a few things last time about what I thought. Tomorrow is more about check up about the medication to see if I am getting any side effects and not about how I am feeling about things so I dont know whether to bring it up with her or wait til i see social worker.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Talk to the social worker hun. Dont take the final line that the NHS has given you. There are other pdocs out there and you do need to find one that works better for you. Tell the social worker what you have said here (minus the too many meds being taken) and let them know this is serious and you have to see someone that is going to help you up on your feet again and not someone that keeps giving you reasons to be down there in the first place. Good luck and I'm a pm away if you want to talk.
  5. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Spose, if she doesnt ask how things are i am not going to tell her. What makes it harder it is a university hospital and more often than not there is a student with them. I don;t like that
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yeah I know. The hosptials here are all teaching ones and even when you are admitted to psych ward you have to be seen by either a pdoc and their student or just the student themselves. I hate it because you feel like your some sort of a lab rat being examined by the "newbies". I know they need to learn, but please not at our expense. It's hard enough to open up to the doc let alone some person who is usually 20 years younger than me and face to face. That's why I love SF. So many people that truly care but you are never in person. Makes it so much easier to get it out. Hun do whatever is comfortable for you but please be sure to persue the matter. It really is important.
  7. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I have a plan about tomorrow...

    If there is no student there and is just the one doc I will tell her about last night and the night before. WIth everything that is going off at the moment in my life i can't face work next week so I am going to get signed off. I am going to ask pdoc to do it. If she wont I will make appt with the doc on Monday and get him to do it for me. I just need a couple of weeks to gt back on my feet after what has happened.

    I will call her after I have the doc note and ask her if I can go see her and say it is not somthing I want to discuss over the phone. I don't know how long the doc will sign me off for I am hoping he will sign me off for a month and then I have time to play with.. but I will say to her basically here he has signed me off a month but I dont think I need that long so I just want to take a couple of weeks. I will say to her (when I refer to her I am talking about my manager) that basically I was off over a year ago with depression, when I got the job here the doc had to write to lloyds and say why I had been off. I will basically say it has knocked me right back, I have just changed medication and need to give it a couple of weeks for it to work. I am not going to go in to detail about the attempts or DSH. But if she wants more detailed info if she looks at the stuff before I started there then she will get a better idea of what is going on.

    Having a bad night tonight. Everything is reminding me of him! I look at my hand and even though I took the ring off on Sunday there is still marks where it was. It's horrible. I think I am scarde of being on my own. I have been looking at online dating things but I am looking at really horrible people thinking it's the best I'll do. I have so little confidence. Maybe I should wait a while before I leap in to anything. Doesn't help that I have been moved at work and I dont like it there. Maybe if I go see her i can get my way and get moved back to where i was before as I liked it there.

    How does that sound anyway?
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am not saying you have to agree with the DX given you, but you cannot discount it by reading things either. i know when I was taking psych classes i could see myself in every disorder i was reading about and I know this is not uncommon. The same can be said about things we don't want to accept. There are always going to be "buts....". You do need to be honest about what has gone on lately regardless of your fears. It's wise to get a second opinion, but what will you do if things turn out the same way?
  9. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Well I told her everything. Had to go for blood tests as of what I did on Tuesday and Wednesday night. She will call me if any problems but I doubt it.
    I told her about the break up and she asked how I was handeling it. I tld her that I thought I was dealing with it better than I would have done a few weeks ago and told her that although I did take some pills I stopped myself and I hadn't cut. She has increased the dose to 45mg of Mirtazapine.

    I like this one. It makes me sleep and think that is one of the reasons why I have felt so much better. Although it does increase my appetite which I don't like.

    She asked me what I had discussed with SW and told her what he wanted me to do with looking in to counselling. I go and see him in 2 weeks.

    I started crying while I was seeing her. I usually keep my emotions so in check but when I was talking about the break up I started to get upset.
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