i dont know what to do anymore.. i was a cutter for 2 years and from teh begginning it was deep and never shallow cuts.........but i quit. and i stopped basically, except every once in a while when everything was overly unbareable....
heres the thing.... ive found that even on special days like my birthday and holidays that i spend, i cant seem to be happy or even come close.... i havent been able to since i was 12... but as of late, its like every day is a bad day and i cant cut because i tried and all i do is get pissed and ive stopped myself a bit so far, but i feel that if i do cut again its going to be the final one......not finished with cutting...finished with life....... and im really getting worried because i really think im going insane.... i have papers and papers of conversations with myself....not just talking to myself....writing it down word for word............and im really starting to scare myself..... Ive been suicidal for years and have attempted it twice..... but never seem to get so far as to end it.......my parents knew all this before, but i got them to believe that i was better, and i thought i was in the process of getting better..but now, its like im going back to square one.....but instead this time im in the full grasp of depression and suicide.....i know i need to go to a hospital for help..but i cant ask my parents......im at a loss of things to do and i dont want to end up getting pissed and irrationally say fuck it and kill myself...
is there anyone who has ever been to a psych ward???? i dont want to go but i know if i dont get help im going to kill myself..........
can someone tell me what happens in the psych ward.... or would i be better off going to a therapist??????? and how do i get my parents to listen without them catching me in the act........ please, i feel like one of these nights could be the end and im starting to worry that my "other half" is taking over..........
heres the thing.... ive found that even on special days like my birthday and holidays that i spend, i cant seem to be happy or even come close.... i havent been able to since i was 12... but as of late, its like every day is a bad day and i cant cut because i tried and all i do is get pissed and ive stopped myself a bit so far, but i feel that if i do cut again its going to be the final one......not finished with cutting...finished with life....... and im really getting worried because i really think im going insane.... i have papers and papers of conversations with myself....not just talking to myself....writing it down word for word............and im really starting to scare myself..... Ive been suicidal for years and have attempted it twice..... but never seem to get so far as to end it.......my parents knew all this before, but i got them to believe that i was better, and i thought i was in the process of getting better..but now, its like im going back to square one.....but instead this time im in the full grasp of depression and suicide.....i know i need to go to a hospital for help..but i cant ask my parents......im at a loss of things to do and i dont want to end up getting pissed and irrationally say fuck it and kill myself...
is there anyone who has ever been to a psych ward???? i dont want to go but i know if i dont get help im going to kill myself..........
can someone tell me what happens in the psych ward.... or would i be better off going to a therapist??????? and how do i get my parents to listen without them catching me in the act........ please, i feel like one of these nights could be the end and im starting to worry that my "other half" is taking over..........