My life with ptsd the last 3 years has come down to waking up only to wait for the day to end. This feeling only changes when I take a benzo. So, I plan on doing thred things.....1. Telling my dr that benzos are the only thing that get me through the day ... will not mention the suicide aspect of it unless I am asked and even then I will advise that I do not have a plan as I do not and realistically cannot imagine doing it, 2. will tell her that as I am 62 with a life limiting disease, I don’t care if I become addicted to benzos if they give me quality years, and 3. I made sort of a ‘deal’ with Jesus (I returned to church yesterday)...told him that if he is not going to help me get better then please somehow, someway Just take me now. Though I have to say that I really do not want to go as I adore my family but this mental illness stuff is grueling. If you cannot have quality of life, then what kind of life is there?
Trauma destroys ..... had someone told me five years ago that I would writing this. I would have told them that they were insane....I had it all,
Thank you all for listening.