PTSD/ A CASE STUDY -answers? familiar ?

#22
I have a diagnosis of CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder), and have done for a long time. I don`t think I`ll ever get better.
You will. It will just take time to sort it all out. I was diagnosed with that as a kid and have gone through so many stages of dealing with it that it isn't funny. My problem is the product of what someone else did, which in all cases of PTSD is why it's so hard to get passed, because we were helpless to do anything about what happened to us; yet as pure victims we carry the scars self hate at times for not having done something to stop the event that triggered the conditioning that now causes the response. At least for me it's like that. When I was a child I went through intense day-in and day-out fear with triggers coming at me from just about everywhere. I was constantly afraid of everything. Then later in life that fear turned to bitterness. Then that bitterness turned into anger. That anger turned into hate. And that is what I truly believed made me stronger. I got meaner; tougher. That ensured that I would never go through those events again; except that it didn't. It just left me very isolated until I was able to cope better with it.

Other than occasional flashbacks I have all but conquered my PTSD, but it does sometimes get depressing that there is no definitive cure to just make it go away and bring back the child from my past that never had any kind of a life... But little by little I'm freeing that child. Or I was, until recently. Eh, I'm a man of faith. I'll keep moving, as long as I have people I know are moving with me. Thanks again to the forum in general :)

Does that study discuss all of the ways that people respond to the trauma? Because I'd imagine there's various degrees. One person may simply isolate themselves from the world while another simply gets harder and becomes more violent... It's something that we have to be aware of, so we don't turn into being closer in our actions in the long run to the people that victimized us than the victims they were victimizing...
 

icequeen

Well-Known Member
#23
i am diagnosed with cptsd, and during treatment other stuff got dragged up unintentionally...and has really interfered with therapy. therapist knows there is something else but we havent discussed and not sure i ever will, but trying to do the exposure therapy the hidden demon surfaces and i get angry...i buried it, its nothing to do with current therapy, but it still haunts me now. grrrrr
 
#24
Its easy for me to say to deal with those buried demons now, its so much harder to actually do it.

These things will come to mind negatively until we process them the correct way. I am by no means there at all and right now I'm not even touching any subject like that, is too much for me. Somehow, too, when we are in a state of distress, other issues can boil to the surface.

Its so hard because you are trying to deal with one thing and then Bam!, you're hit with other things.

I'm sorry, I don't wish to upset you, but honestly if you can try to deal with those hidden things, long term it'll help you out.

((hugs))
 
#25
I found this helpful, thank you.

I got diagnosed with PTSD at 17 after being raped and sexually abused for years by a family member. I suffered the panic attacks, the flash backs and change in personality. My parents thought it was me being 'difficult' and after MORE attention, but were horrified after they learnt the real reason I was like this.

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine, and again, her parents didnt believe is was PTSD and thought she was attention seeking. It got to a point where she committed suicide as it all got too much.

I think parents need more on an education into PTSD and be aware of the signs of it, so they know what to look out for. If my parents had known sooner, things would have been so much easier for me.
 
#26
i've just been diagnosed with this and health anxiety and depression. I'm 25 now and was sexually abused first by a stranger when I was 12 then by somebody I know shortly after until I was 15. I never told anybody about it but started to get tramautic flashbacks as I was trying to access the memories spent with my dad who died last year.

I was almost raped again last year on a night out. hope to be better soon :poo:
 

Miss Invisible

Well-Known Member
#27
Thank you so much for even recognizing PTSD in the effect of a severe trauma other than warfare. I don't doubt their ptsd but I feel many others are overlooked because our trauma is just not enough to remedy a diagnosis the ptsd term.
I have a horrific rape years ago that I managed to push deep into my subconscious thinking I could forget it buy while getting my masters in psychology and criminology I was given the topic of rape world wide. During the research and report I compiled, I mentally broke down seeing horrendous acts of violence and rape that gave me nightly terrors. I did not sleep, still only manage a few hours. The night is the hardest. The images I saw in my research are I'm imbedded in my mind. The violent acts immediately set my mind into a movie of the first rape I endured. the bits and pieces I could remember. I felt so shameful immediately leaving with the help of a retired sheriff back home. Upon home I expected love from my 1st abuser but instead he asked to see my bruises, not believing me. once seeing the bruises up and my inner thighs he began to push himself on me. As I cramped my sore legs closed and turned away he pried them open with tears streaming down my face he raped me telling me "I was his". it wasn't the first time he'd raped me but I knew fighting back led to violence even with his family hearing him punching walls, doors and breaking his steering column 3 times because I was wrong. I wasn't violated sexually except by being lied to and used like garbage for sex by my second abuser. He was into drugs which I was very naive to. He was a scary person, drove head on into traffic t u thing away at the last minute just to scare me, choking me, stealing my vital medications, biting me, slapping me where no one would see, and stealing my car for drug runs. I was so stupid with him, I didn't know about the drugs until the end and had no self esteem. Today, I'm scared of everything. Men, people knocking on my door, my neighbors yelling next door, small sounds, I can't cope and feel worthless. i live for my children and my parents. without them this would be a different story. I trust no one and hate living in a sense of constant fear. I have a therapist I see, but at night it's just me and my thoughts. I so wish there was a buddy program those who suffer from ptsd partner up as supports even a vet & a civilian. But I must say thank you once again for your article, it helps to feel not so much in the dark. Thank you.
 

Miss Invisible

Well-Known Member
#28
I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse and usually I cope quite well with it. I accepted what happened and found a way to move past it. But I am still plagued with bad dreams of my abuser. I just hate that feeling. Usually I rarely think of it otherwise and then I get a dream and it brings it all back. I think the dreams come about when I am feeling vulnerable about something. At least that is something I noticed with the dreams, I think. Especially when I feel things are out of control and it reflects back to that time I had no control. Who needs a shrink when you can analyze yourself?....lol, jk. I have to say the worst part of that experience is the reliving it in your dreams now. It is over, I am safe now, and it returns. I just hate that.
 
#29
That is so familiar to my experiences but I never thought of it as an actual disorder. I feel a lot better now, I thought it was just me being rubbish at coping with things
You're definitely not being rubbish at coping. You're not alone. It's a difficult challenge. I have PTSD due to abuse as well.
 
#30
Cindy, Thank you for this post and information. I am new to the forum and although I dont feel in a good place at the moment this gave me some comfort that its not just me. I was sexually abused.for years and had lots of help and support. I thought that things had moved on but earlier this year I was raped by somebody I knew well and am now back in that dark dangerous place.
 
#31
My psychiatrist was strongly disagreeing for me to continue (or even shouldn't have start in the first place) psychodynamic therapy as I always ended up sucidial and self harm after every single session. Needing admission into hospital every other week for past one year.
She said I am so fragile, which is true emotionally.
Should I just stop therapy as I am fearing digging up more and more ugly wormy emotions and horrid memories which I cant handle now.
 
#32
Very accurate info Cindy. I think I have PTSD, your description is right on and doctors told me so as well, I was raped when I was 19 almost two years ago and I've been suffering since then, depressed, anxious and I can barely eat and sleep. Sometimes I wish if somehow I am able to erase all or some of my memories so I can move on and start functioning like a normal human being. I started abusing marijuana and alcohol to forget but that never helped, in fact, made things worse and worse and reality hit me back hard each time I woke up or sober. I stopped abusing and turned to doctors for help but I don't know about that...without my medications, I'd be up for days (2-5) begging myself to sleep but never do, I lost weight and all my health. I lock myself in my room 95% of the time and 5% of the time I force myself to go for a walk and breath some fresh air and that helps for an hour or so, or go to the grocery store for necessary stuff, I stay away from certain and recently all places or the outside world because it is cruel out there. I was raped by a cop, so whenever I see a uniform it all comes back to me and I break down, and they are everywhere, the cruelest individuals on earth, the real criminals of all societies I believe. I am constantly terrified and in pain. It seems like it would never end, I am stuck and there is no way out, no way to move on. I was never religious and I am not but recently I have been praying for this constant pain to stop praying for help and things like that...I don't know...just desperate.
 
#34
I have ptsd from previous physically and mentally abusive relationship. I'm currently going through a treatment called emdr. I've only had a few sessions but there is definite improvements. Maybe worth looking into if your interested in some sort of therapy.
 

MistyH

New Member
#36
Can PTSD come from decades of abuse at the hands of those you love? I have been abused for decades by my psychotic sister and ex-husband, and just want the abuse to END
 

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