Pulling me under. glug glug.

[VALIS]

I haven't been here in a long time. Months, maybe.

Usually that's a good thing, it means I'm not suffering or talking to someone on the board who is.

I moved into my own apartment to go to grad school.

My boyfriend and friends live 40 miles away (in traffic though, that's 2 hours away).

I know absolutely NO ONE in this city or at my school. I have no money, I have huge student loans.

I feel this bipolar depressive swing coming. I can't eat or sleep. I would see a school therapist but there aren't enough to go around, I can only get appointments to see a shrink once every 3 weeks.

I have a new psychiatrist at school who gave me this FAAAAAT bottle of Ativan that I just keep popping...and popping...and popping all day long, without needing to worry about running out.

Boyfriend is a loser who won't get his act together and move out of his parent's house again.

I've been drinking too much wine by myself.

I cry a lot. I am losing weight. I am worried constantly and anxious to the point of panicking at least 3 times daily. Despite the anxiety medication.

This transition is really hard on me. Seeming normal for my new roommates is really hard when all I wanna do is listen to old records, drink and pop pills, and pretend to study.

I am doomed to failure yet I've worked sooooo hard to get where I'm at.

 

[kemistry]

I have a huge to-do list that I need to start on asap, but it's hard to be motivated when my mood likes to swing at random.
When I caught myself feeling depressive, I would literally remind myself to breathe and to chill the freak out, but it was never easy to snap out of the blues.

Go get some fresh air. Go to a coffee shop and look at strangers. Be around people even when you don't feel like doing it. Don't shut yourself in, the depression would most likely to get worse if you are by yourself. The mind can be really tricky, so don't allow it to feed on negative thoughts.

 

[total eclipse]

Go back to you psychiatrist and talk to himor her about overusing the ativan perhaps get on something else for your anxiety your depression. You have worked so hard to get there now don't throw it away fight a little harder for yourself so you can succeed this year not to late yet.

 

[*sparkle*]

hey, it sounds like you are having a difficult time :hug: perhaps you need to change what is turning into a cycle a bit? it could help to go and see your psychiatrist again and see what they could do to help. we're here to talk if you need :hug: