I haven't been here in a long time. Months, maybe. Usually that's a good thing, it means I'm not suffering or talking to someone on the board who is. I moved into my own apartment to go to grad school. My boyfriend and friends live 40 miles away (in traffic though, that's 2 hours away). I know absolutely NO ONE in this city or at my school. I have no money, I have huge student loans. I feel this bipolar depressive swing coming. I can't eat or sleep. I would see a school therapist but there aren't enough to go around, I can only get appointments to see a shrink once every 3 weeks. I have a new psychiatrist at school who gave me this FAAAAAT bottle of Ativan that I just keep popping...and popping...and popping all day long, without needing to worry about running out. Boyfriend is a loser who won't get his act together and move out of his parent's house again. I've been drinking too much wine by myself. I cry a lot. I am losing weight. I am worried constantly and anxious to the point of panicking at least 3 times daily. Despite the anxiety medication. This transition is really hard on me. Seeming normal for my new roommates is really hard when all I wanna do is listen to old records, drink and pop pills, and pretend to study. I am doomed to failure yet I've worked sooooo hard to get where I'm at.