I had this thing, I did, for a while. When I felt I was unfair or caused trouble or distress with my siblings (we spend a lot of social time together when I am home in the week-ends, I`m 24 and they are 20/19) I used to whip myself over the thighs. Just to get some minor bruising, because I felt that after I had caused myself some pain, and punished myself for whatever emotional disturbance I had caused, then I didn`t have to feel bad afterwards and we could just continue to enjoy the evening, without me brooding or closing up emotionally. See, it wasn`t really that the troubles I caused with my stupid moods were that big, but after a problem, an argument, I just couldn`t get it out of my system. If I said something I shouldn`t have, or reacted too harshly to something, they`d just get over it, and I`d sit there and feel bad about it for hours afterwards, coloring everything and just making it uncomfortable for everyone. Instead, I took some alone time, whipped myself, felt the pain, and then be able to just snap out of it. I didn`t see it as a problem, because it didn`t happen that often. I was just sick and tired of being the moody problematic big sister who`d make a fuss over everything. After the summer, it`s escalated a little, because now, if I get very angry or overwhelmed with panic or anxiety, I`ll do the thigh thing, but I`ll also punch myself in the face. Like yesterday, I managed to mix up dates and therefore missed the psychologist appointment I had finally gotten, after having waited for a couple of months. I have no idea how I did it, but I did, idiot me. I just sat there, staring at the note with the date on, realized that I had missed the appointment. I wanted to cry, call someone, but I just felt completely numb. Then I got angry, really angry, and instead of being able to cry or shout, I just had to stop it, so I punched myself in the face a couple of times before I let the rest of the frustration out on my thighs. I couldn`t really do as much as I wanted, because my roommate was home. Today, I ate out with my sister, we took a trip to the cinema, and then she hinted that she wanted to come home with me and play some video games. I needed some alone time, and told her that, but she kept pushing. Then she jumped on her bus home, and I went home, feeling guilty and angry at myself for ruining the evening. It wouldn`t have cost me much to just spend some hours extra with her, and the only reason why I just wanted to go home alone was because I needed a smoke (a habit I am hiding from her) and some quiet time. So, I come home, feel angry, guilty and upset, and start smacking myself over the face with the miniature frying pan. Stupid, right? When that didn`t help, I punched myself in the face again. It`s twice now, in two days, and I can`t keep this up because there`s a limit to how many times my face can look like crap before the excuse that I fell down the stairs won`t cover it anymore. And both my thighs look too bad, they need some healing time. So now I am stressing like crap, because I`m out of usable body parts. My arms can`t be used, because they are visible. Wish I could use the same logic to my face, but it`s the more violent option and the one that calms me down the most. So, I might have a problem. But up until now, I didn`t consider it as such. Now I`m just angry I didn`t do a better job of it, because it`s stopped hurting and I am not ready for that yet. I wanted it to hurt longer this time.