Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by purplefizz, Sep 29, 2008.

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  1. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    In the past, I had a ritual where every time I didn't stick to my plan, I cut myself. They were not necessarily emotionally charged cuts, nor were they severe, they just acted as a reminder of how much of a failure I am. It motivated me to do well so I would not have to cut myself. I've recently started doing this again. Every day that I digest food (aside from popcorn, and a couple other safe foods within my limits), I have to cut myself. I was forced to do so today. I know it doesn't solve anything, but I feel like I need to be punished for my sins. I feel like such a failure lately. :sad:

    Am I weird? :unsure:
    Anyone else have weird rituals like this?
  2. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    No hon...You are not weird..

    Years ago (When I could get away with it) I used to throw myself against walls or cut myself to punish my weakness..It was also a way of providing a reminder of my weakness to spur myself on towards oblivion..

    Now I am unable to do this because I would be struck off if the cuts and multiple bruises were ever seen so I rely on psychological goading and abuse to push myself..One of my new techniques is to work myself into exhaustion..5 x 13hour night shifts a week where my only focus is work and I do not have time to think of the hunger nor anything else but my job...

    I know we do strange things in the name of our mistress..but ever think that you have to suffer this alone hon... x
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