Puny human

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thannis, May 28, 2014.

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  1. thannis

    thannis Active Member

    Hi. This is my first time posting here, sorry if i'm in the wrong place.
    I just want to say it's a relief to have a place where i can just come clean without worrying about the consequences of doing so. I've been in a really bad mood for a really long time now and haven't spoken to anyone about it because i'm the kind of person that prefers to keep my issues to myself, and i've been really good at it, so you guys are the first to know. I actively try to avoid any interaction with other people if i can so i don't give them the chance to get too close to me. I think they can do better.
    I first noticed i was a bit suicidal a few years ago when everybody thought the world was going to end and I found myself really looking forward to it, then i was really disappointed when it didn't happen, even though i knew it wouldn't happen. Then i realised i'd severed a lot of attachments to people and things to 'prepare myself' for the end, and i haven't really been able to reconnect. I've been really depressed since.
    I just feel insignificant, like i don't beling here anymore. I mean, it's not like i'm part of some larger scheme or anything, right? One less person in this world wouldn't make a difference, especially if that person was me.
    I should mention, i've tried to off myself before. The result was severely underwhelming, especially considering how much i took (i didn't even get sick, it's like my body just dismissed the attempt) so lately my mind has been occupied with thoughts of how i'm going to do it next time. I expect a few people will be sad but i also expect they'll get over it in no time.
    Sorry if i'm not making any sense, i just needed to get that off my chest.
  2. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    You sound sort of like me. Welcome to the forum. I hope it proves useful for you.

    I don't have a license to jump in your life and begin telling you what to do about it. But I wish you well, and luck. You deserve all the best things in life.

    ~ :butterfly9:
  3. thannis

    thannis Active Member

    thanks so much. it does help a little to actually say something.
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