Puppy's Future Suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Puppy Wehtam, Dec 9, 2009.

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  1. Puppy Wehtam

    Puppy Wehtam New Member

    Puppy's Cry

    Well I not that special and I know there are others out there that have had harder lives than myself. Truthfully the majority of this planet has had a harder life than myself.

    I have a strong frustration towards what I call dumb behavior. An example of what I mean is someone yelling out at a dog "How would you like it if I pissed on you!" and/or "I don't want you but no one is going to have such a stupid dog so I'll bring you to be put down!" and the all time favorite "I'll kill you, I don't care if they are here they won't stop me I'll kill you!". I pretty much hear these lines everyday said to a puppy because the owner who is my mother's boyfriend believes that a violence is the only way to teach a dog. Not only that but he has an ego that can't be matched. Oh by the way I'm 19 turning 20.

    But this guy is only one example of the dumb behavior that drives me crazy. Just a few days ago a friend chose to get involved in something that he knew nothing about (someone was apologizing for hitting someone) He threatened the one apologizing and was about to knock him out for no reason. So I tried to tell my friend to back off and to not be an idiot and the guy pushes me and starts trying to get me to punch him out. Now this may seem like someone getting angry and was trying to help but I know this guy and he doesn't help people he steals from them. He also owed me money and owes half the school money and is always doing dumb things.

    Now what I'm trying to say using only two out of my billion irritations is that this kind of stuff drives me to the point of insanity. IF I ever got a loaded gun and these two were near me then I would kill them both without even thinking twice. BUT... That would only give me the satisfaction of erasing two of the many irritations on the planet.

    Now I must make a few things clear first. I don't believe in any cosmic power like GOD and the other stuff. Though I might show some sign of beliefs in powers beyond sight but I'm not a believer in powers beyond sight. I actually hate religion because in my belief religion was made from some power hungry human who wanted to find a way to control people. But this isn't about that and you may be asking yourself why I'm saying all this well... The reason is because I see this planet as messed up. People are everyday trying to find new ways to save people when this planet doesn't need more people. There are over 7 billion people on this planet and we are still growing and with every new one means a bit more of the planet's resources are needed to raise that new person. So I believe we need to kill off more people rather than save more people.

    This is all irritations of mine and they've all led to one thing. Since I know for a fact and I mean for FACT that I would never be able to change these things. (1 man can't stop the other people from saving other people since this looks like evil to all other people especially when he says that they need to kill people instead.)(1 man can't stop people from doing dumb things because those kind of people run the world. In my view anyways.)

    So if I can't beat them and I positively don't want to join them I feel I only have one decision and that is to beat myself. TO KILL MYSELF. Now I've been bullied since I was 7 so that was 12 years of bullying and since that day I was born my mother has been with abusive men of every kind except murderous (Though you never know if they've murdered someone but they never murdered us or someone we knew). This kind of stuff might have...No has messed my mind up quite a bit. I pretty hate a lot of things and though I may show amusement at times I don't really enjoy anything... Well except one thing which is FOOD. (Can you believe I'm a toothpick in weight... Well its true.)

    The reason I posted here is because I can't change my mind and the way it thinks. I know because I've tried for 2 years and the best I got was now I tend keep my mouth shut around the dumb people when they do something dumb rather than before where I spoke up. Now that in my opinion doesn't sound like an improvement. So what can I do I feel trapped and I feel especially alone due to many reasons. (Girls don't want to date me ever.) I feel extremely lonely at times, especially when around the opposite sex. I have a hard time even trying to explain myself.

    WHAT SHOULD I DO?! I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING MY MIND WITH EVERY PASSING DAY AND THOUGHT I GO THROUGH ON EARTH!

    (P.S. : I hope nothing I wrote here broke the rules because the rules are quite unclear to me when thinking about the topic of the forum. It said no posting suicide notes but this is more of a cry for help with a big explanation that might be typed unclearly but I didn't have an intention of breaking rules when writing this so please take that into consideration if you find a rule was broken. Also I noticed after the title appears to be saying "Suicide Note" But I can't change it or I can't find how or else it would be changed. Sorry for the title.)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 9, 2009
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Puppy and welcome; so sorry things feel so bitter...please let us know how we can support you...big hugs, J
     
  3. Unwilling

    Unwilling Member

    Hey there Puppy. I know how you feel, my mother was an abusive religious zealot. I my have been a skeptic, but when you are bombarded with things like that you tend to begin to despise it.

    I know how you feel when it comes to people as well, it always seems like they want to swan dive into catastrophe.

    I'm not sure if this will help, but I don't think you need to really help anyone if you think its futile and drives you to such lengths as this. I would concentrate on stability in myself. Maybe you could concentrate on your goals and what makes you happy.

    As far as women go, its very hard to be able to talk to them when people are feeling like this, especially when they are trying to hide it. It caused stress in so many of my relationships, because I never told them how I felt. My advice would just be to talk to them, if you don't gain a girlfriend maybe you will get a good friend.
     
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