I need to purge my thoughts first. So i can decide whether it's necessary to purge my personal belongings(SP) Things wern't that bad in seventh grade, but it's where things started. Words were said, things were done. Mistakes, manly my own, were made. My innocense(SP)? gone. I was aged beyond my years before my first day of highschool. This summer, was like the calm before the storm. Everything was perfect, my friends were great and everything was peaceful for once in my life. But it all crashed. I litterally feel like my world is crashing down before my eyes. That may seem dramatic, but let me explain, if you're still reading this. People pick me up, and dropp me like some disposable toy. I had a bestfriend. Who understood me and didn't jusge me and let me have fun. A nice change from my usual group. But she dropped me. hat whole group dropped me and now I have no one to talk to withought being talked to like i'm some screw up. Loser. Idiot. That's how i'm treated everyday, i'm losing all possible interest in school, thus possibilitys for future careers. I can't picture my future anymore, and it usd to seem so bright. Sorry, i'm being super vague, but I need to ease into it. I tried to be a normal teenager(I never was, I didn't fit in anywhere and even if no one else knew it, I know I have some type of personality disorder.) But one mistake, tore everything away from me. It always seemed like Everyone was always aloud to get mad, but never me. I have no outlet for what's inside, and it's building up. Anyway, to be blunt, that one mistake, was a party. And I got drunk for the first time. I had a boyfriend but he wasn't there. A boy, took advantage of me. At the time(other than the fact that I was drunk) I didn't care, my boyfriend used me like a trophie, I couldn't tell if he actually liked me. It was sickening and I was looking for a way out. After the party, after I was grounded for comming home oddly sick, after I lost my fun friends due to not being able to see them anymore and my other friend completely hating them, after I was detached from what at the time seemed like my whole world, I realized a few things. I read an artical in a magazine, about a woman who was date raped. Guess what I could relate that to? I put the pieces toether in my head. That night, he took me into the kitchen away from the others, which was odd, because there was alcohol in the other room, why'd we come all the way out here? "your not drunk enough, here have this" that as a lie. I was just previously dancing and singing and laughing my ass, I could barely hold my balance. My I was concious, and sitll aware. How could ONE drink make me black out for the REST OF THE NIGHT, accept for like teo flashbacks? I was stuck in a dead relationship, but I know I would never throw my self on a guy, that I had just met that night. My hands started to shake as I held the magazine and I began to think maybe he didn't just kiss me maybe that's why his voice sounded so oddly fake when he asked later in the very early morning- "Really? you don't remember ANYTHING? woww" So, naive. That same night, I also found out my brother is a druge dealer. Way to live up to our relatives bro. It seemed like that night was to be the starting point of something entierely new. Only revently, I'v tried to tell my "friends" what I think happened to me that night. They laughed, everyone of them. I couldn't believe it. I'v been walking around, wondering if part of me is gone, not being able to know. It's killing me. And lately, people have some how got the idea that they can touch me. I don't like to be touched ever. This one boy, two actually, make that three. Actually, I don't have an exact nummber. They get too close, they don't listen, they think it's funny. It burns. MY brother has this friend And he's not attractive. Recently, he's been getting way too close, and i'm gettig worried. I'm starting to fear the day he takes it too far. You'l be notified when that happens. This isn't even half of it.