I just need a moment to feel pity for myself... it's been over a year since I have felt suicidal and I didn't even feel it this strong last year. I think it was five years ago I felt it this strong. I feel so worthless and that I don't have the strength to make it through this ordeal. In the last three weeks I've had to see my physically abusive ex. When I called my mother for support she said that I abandoned and betrayed him. I've had my landlord giving me grief and expecting me to jump at her every will. Today she called again and since I didn't pick up she called my father who said I need to be responsible. I told him there have been nights I have felt so down that I've wanted to put a gun to my head. I asked him how adding more responsibility will help me not to pull the trigger. His response was that I can't hide from responsibility. Basically I have no one. Things have never been this bad. I pushed myself so hard to always be available and to do everything I need to. It led to a physical and mental breakdown. I had to take time for myself otherwise I was going to end up dead or in a place I would never get out of. When I look back I've had no one. That's what I need. I probably wouldn't be in this mess if my parents were at least supportive. Not blaming me. It was a few days ago I told someone I'm fragile. I could very well be in the hospital, but I've decided to fight this on my own. Oh heck, even if I was in the hospital I'm sure people wouldn't have a care in the world. I'm sure I would get back and my landlord would give me a list of all I need to do. I don't know how else to say it besides I'm fragile and can't take this stress. If I'm pushed anymore I'm going to end up killing myself. Why does no one care about that or my emotional health??