Pushing away

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by total eclipse, Jul 19, 2009.

  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is funny how the people you were closest too you push away the furthest.
    Does anyone else have this effect not wanting anyone around not wanting people in your space preferring solitude.
  2. omphalos

    omphalos Member

    Yes, I do. I live in an apartment and I do not like anyone to be in it because I see it as my safe haven. I prefer to be alone and not have to speak to anyone. I can definitely relate to your post.
  3. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    For me it's all about fear and desire. I like cats, fear dogs, so simple, but when it comes to relationships I desire them and fear them at the same time. I guess my fear is greater than my desire, so I push people away from me.

    When people ask me why I've never been in a relationship I've got lost of reasons, "I like my own company", "Things just never worked out", "People find me a bit unusual" etc. etc. Funny how I can never just say "Because I'm afraid of them", you'd think other people would be too, but they all seem to manage somehow.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2009
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too have this fear of people only because i know their capability to harm so much. I find peace in having a space of my own as well not wanting even family to come into it. I guess after time it is easier to stay in a space where we know no harm will come instead of chancing getting hurt again
  5. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    when im feeling low, i just push everyone away because i dont wanna hurt them so i understand a lil. My BF just doesnt understand this...
  6. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    I can tell you as someone being pushed away that you are acheiving the opposite of what you claim you want. When you push someone away you are hurting them more then anything else you could do. Being pushed away HURTS!!
  7. killtomorrow

    killtomorrow Well-Known Member

    thats exactly the same way i am,though i dont like my own company
  8. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    Everyone pushes away, even in the slightest amount.

    What I mean by that, is that you cannot let people in all the time, or even entirely.

    I love my girlfriend to death, and it was really hard to let her in. I broke down multiple times in front of her, but she is there for me. While i can't tell her everything (because some things are just indescribable, or just too much for her) we have a system. That system works for us, and keeps us in the loop together. She doesn't need to know everything, but I tell her enough so that I can keep some sanity about me.

    I don't remember what my original intent was, but the fact of the matter is, you can't always let people in. It isn't that you are pushing away instinctively, but if I always told my girlfriend that I was suicidal, scared, or thinking of cutting, how long would that relationship last? We all have our breaking points. At some level, we have to internalize to keep functioning as a society.
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    This is where i have trouble because i know when pushing people away especially family hurts them but how does one protect themselves and still accept people around them.. Why do i push family away ex husband no contact at all i really don't want him around really and yet i know i am hurting him as just can't explain to him why. Ive never told him anything and won't as this was the past. I enjoy just being not able to explain myself to anyone just be on my own yet he continues to try to be supportive yet i really don't want or need his support. I don't want to hurt him i just need space from everyone.
  10. girlfrom

    girlfrom Antiquities Friend

    Mary, it's natural and normal not to want to be hurt. Don't beat yourself up about it. You will find someone that gives you the space you need. There's no rule that says you must open up to certain people. No rule that says you must give them all of you. When the time and person is right, it will just happen, and you won't even be able to contain yourself.
  11. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    My anxiety is my person, so I guess I am used to seeing people take me lightly and walk out of my life really easily. For me, theres a fine line between having the ability to make friends and actually trying to making friends. I always put my chance down to go to social events or gatherings of such. I complain about loneliness yet, I am too selfish to open up to people I feel I don't want to waste my time with. Thats my curse. The empty void of loneliness, of having no one around, of sitting in a quiet room for days. Living alone, can really fuck your head up. So it is like the war we choose to fight or give into anxiety. It is really a depressing topic, for me. But that is life. Good day all.
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Lonliness can really mess with your brain. Are you on medication for anxiety or do you chose not to be on medication. I find the medication calms me but i still do not want to socialize I prefer solitude. I really don't enjoy being with people anymore trust issues i guess. Have you tried any therapy for your anxiety and has it worked at all. I don't know just where therapy will lead me.
  13. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    absolutely.Then I get terribly lonely.I need space,or as I see it,I need to hide,but then I spend a lot of mental energy trying to psych up to get out and be around family.
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Thats the word i use i need to hide like having a space of my own to hide in a space i know is mine and i am safe. I too have to work at being with family giving in and go out with them just to make them feel better when i prefer to just stay home.. I think having our own space is the only way i can breath at times to get my anxiety down.
  15. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    ashes_away and Mary your two latest replies explain how i feel too. Sometimes I feel like it is my lack of character. I have to have times where i can hide to evaluate my life and then go out to be the person I should feel to be. I wish I wasn't so afraid to be myself, and I was one of the people that always told myself I wouldn't turn up so fucked up, but before I knew it, it came upon me without me knowing. But actually i brought this on myself.
  16. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I tend to do that quite a bit actually. I have a lot of trust issues with people. And I always assume they are going to hurt me in some way.
  17. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Angelo 91 no one brings this on themselves it happens and noone wants to feel vulnerable and weak but it happens and i hate it because i am not that way at all. I think it is this fight between the weak and the strong in me that wears me out I want to be strong the fighter i know i am but sometimes it is easier to not fight and to hide
  18. MissKerouac

    MissKerouac Well-Known Member

    I have a terrible problem with this ):

    I'm in my first proper relationship now and I'm very much in love. But when I feel low I *can't* be around anyone. No one has ever seen me when I'm at my worst because I know its a horrible sight. I get paranoid and a I self harm regularly, frequent panic attacks, and extreme self loathing. I can last about half an hour of appearing "a bt upset" before I can't hold back anymore and will talk about death and dying. My boyfriend feels terribly insecure when I have to push him away but I tried explaining to him thats its difficult to work what feels worse to me: not seeing him, or him seeing me.
  19. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What feels worse to me not seeing him or him seeing me It is hard because we don't want people to see us as vulnerable we want to be seen as someone strong and in control. This is what medication has done for me in a way give me back some control over my emotions so i am able to contain myself infront of people the wheni am on my own alone i will let my saddness out. I too hate people who care about me see me when i am not myself . Maybe if you were on medication this would help get you some control back like it did me although i hate thoughts of having to use medication it is helping me just to control things.. thanks for letting me know i am not the only one that feels this way
  20. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I can understand this completely Mary, although I tend to push people away because I feel like I 'need to get in there first'. If I push them away, then I am hurting them before they hurt me.
    It never really works I guess, because either way I end up feeling hurt. :(
    Now I've just opted for solitude and that feels just as crappy.
    There's no real solution unfortunately. Either we have to accept a life without friendship or love or people in it, complete and utter seclusion or we have to accept people we love may hurt us at some point.
    I've taken the first option, but it still sucks :( :(