I live my life putting on an act, trying to be what other people want me to be. I pretend to be happy for my kids, strong for my mum, caring for friends etc. Infact I feel NOTHING most of the time! Don't get me wrong, I love them all to distraction but I have no emotions except profound sadness and desolation. I have such a strong feeling of wanting to die, I can't help myself. I have decided on next weekend as the time I will pass over. I need this week to tie up loose ends and make sure all my affairs are in order. Also to say goodbye and ground my kids without them knowing what I am doing. I'm scared to die but, I'm even more scared to live at the moment, does that sound stupid?