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putting on an act!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ***LEA***, Feb 11, 2007.

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  1. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    I live my life putting on an act, trying to be what other people want me to be. I pretend to be happy for my kids, strong for my mum, caring for friends etc. Infact I feel NOTHING most of the time! Don't get me wrong, I love them all to distraction but I have no emotions except profound sadness and desolation. I have such a strong feeling of wanting to die, I can't help myself.
    I have decided on next weekend as the time I will pass over. I need this week to tie up loose ends and make sure all my affairs are in order. Also to say goodbye and ground my kids without them knowing what I am doing. I'm scared to die but, I'm even more scared to live at the moment, does that sound stupid?
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    It doesnt sound stupid at all! i know that feeling and i kno how awful and frustrating it can be. I also know wat it feels like to put on an act. And i learnt that its not nessicary. The people who really care about u will accept u as u r and do their best to help u when times get tough. The ones who judge u and r unsupportive arent worth the time of day. U have to realise that its ok to b upset, its ok to admit that u r having trouble...and asking for help is something to b proud of cause it can take alot of courage.
    Take care! :smile:
  3. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    Thanks for replying Shauna Lea. It's too late to ask for help now. thankyou anyway:smile:
  4. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    That doesn't sound stupid at all, it sounds familar.


    There is always a but, have you really thought this through, I'm sure you think you have.

    The trouble with just ending it all, out of the blue, is that if you are not carefull, all you do is end up spreading your misery around all the people you are desperately trying to keep it from touching, which kind of makes the whole thing a little pointless.

    I've been so close to being there, for what I thought were all the right reasons, but in that instant I realised I hadn't asked anyone else, all my judgements were based on what I thought other people wanted me to do, so there I was ready to end it all, so the people I care about most could carry on being happy, while I was miserable, that just didn't seem right.

    I was going to gone, so I wouldn't be any happier, I'ld be gone.
    They would be turning themselves inside out wondering why I had gone and why they didn't see it coming, or second guessing every moment they had spent with me for the last 40 years, to see if they had missed some clue.

    Was that really the parting gift I wanted to leave behind, all the pain, suffering and misery that has plaged my life, dished out in equal parts to all the people that have know or in someway cared about me over the years.

    I thought not and 7 years later I'm still here, still struggling, it's not easy, for some one like me, maybe it never will be, but while I'm still here there is still a chance things can change, a chance I can change, a chance that tomorrow will not be the same as today.

    For me right now, that chance no matter how small is enough.
  5. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    Thankyou Fatman, you speak the truth there but its too late now, I on day 3 of a staggered overdose, wish I could have spoken to you earlier:sad:
  6. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    It's never too late !

    Paracetamol, is really not that harmfull unless <Mod Edit: Abacus21-possible method>

    So there is still time, if you want it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 11, 2007
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hadenuff, please get yourself to hospital please!!! For the sake of your children if not for yourself.

    There is always another way, another avenue you just need to reach out and find it. We're not professionals but we can lend you a hand while your struggling and an ear while you need to cry, vent or be sad.

    Please get to hospital to make sure you're going to be physically ok and we'll help you tackle the rest of it afterwards.
  8. Atiri

    Atiri Active Member

    Please get yourself to a hospital, if not for you for your kids.
  9. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    Oops, been modded twiced today, sorry about that guys, guess I need to choose my words a little more carefuly.


    If you live in the UK and you can't face all the fuss of going to Hospital, then try ringing NHS Direct 08454647, they will be able to give you advice and tell you what you need to do, be that; call 999, visit your GP or just drink plenty of liquids (not alcohol).

  10. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    I don't know if these pains I have are the result of what i have done but they are terrible:confused: \\if they are then that suggests it's too late now anyway:eek:hwell: thanks everyone for bothering but, save it for someone worthy of it, sorry
  11. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    I do live UK
  12. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    It's not necessarily too late... but I'd suggest you get help quickly.
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