Puzzled about psi doc

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Baltazaar, Jul 13, 2011.

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  1. Baltazaar

    Baltazaar Member

    For starter I am schizofrenic and taking lots of medication. I've had to cut off on meds not having the money to buy them so reduced the dose to make it till next month yet backfired on me and found myself doing things i shouldn't have done... and end up with the cops at my door. Not the first time this month or last month either so the cops decided to communicate to social services the facts for a check up on me. Result, the sanitary office had had been officially warned by my psi doc that I am a danger to myself and to decide for TSO in english that would be OBLIGATORI SANITARY TREATMENT or better called be sectionned and lock away in a comunity for 'insanes'. Now that i am officially on their black list, got to be darn careful about my 'out fits' and today went to my family doc who was waiting for me with a stick... he was officially warned about my condicion and the TSO. Said I am in deep shit if I make a single bad move.

    Now during the conversation, asked for my refills and other meds the psi has added (haldol and other nice stuff) and means of nothing, I told him in neeeded a change of air that i was going to my family for few months.. and that to do that i must be sure to have all the medication needed not to 'freak out' while there... silly him agreed to give me six months medication. Today got for three months and in three weeks will give me for another three months.

    Now knowing i am a high risk of suicide and harm myself, and knowing i am under the TSO program warning, how could he provide for six months medication? I'v got enough medication to out myself now...thinking bout it tonight i was thinking.. he is uncouncious about the risks of what he has done or just plain stupid? I know i am the one that asked.. but to agree to give medication where half of what he gave me is enough to commit suicide, gave me double the need to achieve the aim.

    All he said is that he understand the stress i am under this last year and that a change could do me just good.. but that if i do anything 'bad' he will call himself he sanitary system and make the call himself for the lock up obligatory... said to be on my side but if i dont collaborate (take meds as set in dose and times) if i do anyhing he will make the call and am out to a comunity for crazy pple and that will be hell of a life he said.

    Makes any sense to you that knowing he higly risk I am for myself not to mention others, he prescribes me for six months medication that are restricted and under law control? If i do make a bad move, he is in deep chit.. and i'd be outta here... what to make of that doctor?

    I intend to run away from this coutry to avoid that TSO and go back home and seek treatment there... cant go on like this. Focus toughts day and night is how to get out of here, of this life. Got to resist a month then am outta here for good... will hide away far fro those handling TSO.. and seek help elsewhere, but that month is crucial.. got to resist the urge to off myself. It will be the longest month to live... to alleviate the urge to jump off the building (9 floor building) i'm cutting badly yet it helps only few minutes then calm down a little but not for long... dont know what to make of that doctor.. and how to face and make it through the month to come... am leaving the 16th of august.

    Someone has suggestions as to how to handle crisis? Voices are loud and disturbing day and night.. now with haldol they are lower but stll active, paranoid and sense of persecution is back big time too... like if all people around me just complot against me do to me some harm... i now sleep, well when i do get to sleep, with the door closed ad locked and a chair in front of it...and a bell attatch at the handle door... so if they try to get in, i will wake up and be ready. Cant go on like this, that's no way to live... i am sick of it all, do nt trust anyone anymore and have cut off y exchange with friends to a minmum... excuding them one by one.. they lost my trust.. am scared of what they have in mind to do to me... HELP
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i hope getting back on your medication hun these paranoid symptoms will go away all together. I don't understand why doc would give you such a large amt of meds either I do hope you take them as prescribed so you do get feeling stronger hun Your doctor just wants you well so please try to do what is asked okay hugs
     
  3. Baltazaar

    Baltazaar Member

    Havent decided if worth the trouble yet. To off myself would save me the trouble of dealing with that darn illness i am to carry out all my life. It is hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!! Today was a so so day, a friend that had decided to get away from me for her own reasons got back to me saying she needed a time out for herself having problems then the only family member i still trust said she loves me and cant wait to have me home with her... so it kind of helped me through the day. Neighbors are on the look out for me and not only due to my paranoid states but as they were asked to collaborated with the social services. they have balcony giving on the ladder that bring to the roof so if i get any near that ladder they will call the cops and would end up in the loonabeen for good.

    Tonight will take the medication as told yet havent taken them today, skipped two doses as if i take them i cant make it through work and no work means the street for me so got to do what i can manage to keep safe without endengering my work place. A single month to hold... hope to make it trough.

    I will try to make a new life there with my sister, i am giving her and myself a time to try but should i end up as i am now with no way out then yes, those meds given will be usefull. Not planning to declare them when i get home to my sister so that the new psi will prescribe for monthly medication at the time so can save what the doc here is giving me for safe keeper.. never know. I know it will take time once there to get on new meds and treatment, plus there i will have right to a psicologist for therapy not only being drugged up so will give it due time to check it out and try before to decide.

    Voices are loud and clear but the new med i agreed to take is helping some... so that will help me along the way till time comes to fy away from that place.

    thanks for caring and replying total eclipse
    i've lost all i cared for in this place and sure do feel alone with no one to talk
    or seek confort or reassurance of some sort.. pple are scared of schizo pple... some give it a try but dont last :(
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Baltazar, I relate to some of what you said.. I am borderline skyzo..I am on Prolixin..One in the morning and two at night..They tried me on Haldol but it made me hallucenate..Keep close tabs on what side affects your meds have on you.. Good Luck!!
     
  5. Baltazaar

    Baltazaar Member

    hi stranger and thanks for replying. I'm on zyprexa, haldol, rivotril, valium and xanax and tranquilit. All to keep me 'calm' and quiet as i also suffer from generalized anxiety... plus other nice meds not related to that patholgy.

    Haldol seems to keep voices quiet enough to allow me to get some sleep at night finally. I still fear to be sectionned as threaten by both doc (psi and family med) as well as social services...so yes, following the dose and meds at required times. cant afford to go out of my mid again.

    i am under a lot of stress as my job ends in less than a month and still havent found anything so no alternative but to go back to my family till i get back on my feet. My sister, where i will live, as well as another sister who is a psi herself, decided to have me see a psi right away when i get there and to agree for a short recovery for them to understand my 'brain' and see to be followed by a psi there as well as psicologic therapy. I guess it wont take long before social services step in there as well... just hope things wil get better once in the family, no way of life as i live right now .... cant handle the stress or anything anymore, pple just get me paranoid and i see ill in pple around me.. to do anythng to make my life hell (true or psicosy? not too sure.... i try to see clear in all this but too messed up to make sense of any of it).
    Counting the days now.. today packed my luggages so that monday i will call to have them shipped so will travel light and not worry bout keeping track of them.. focus and taking decision is very but very hard at this time.

    Stranger, how do you handle your life with that illness? I cant make a life of my own anymore.... just going down the drain.. true enough though that to worsen things out i had stopped medication as i wanted out.. but my sister convinced me to give the family a chance to help so.. here i am.. unsettled and scared to death.
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I take it one day at a time.. Take my meds faithfully..I suffer from agoriphobia, socialphobia and paranoia... So I stay isolated in my sisters house.. I am disabled from all the illnesses I suffer from..I sleep alot to help cope.. I spend alot of time on the computer also.. I hope you moving home makes you feel the love of your family..If anybody can help you it will be your family..Take care!!
     
  7. Baltazaar

    Baltazaar Member

    Hope you are right Stanger... cant cope with more bs in this life. News are that I have to leave earlier, being kicked out. Got to run to the doc for prescriptions antecipated so i have some to start with once home. close bank account, give new address to the post office if ever someting important arrive, a friend wil forward it to me there.. got to see a dentist too before i leave, cant leave carrying on that painful tooth. and from what a friend told me today the dentist asks only 30 bucks to do it... if so, i will run there in no time... but scared to death to be touched.. something i cant stand is that.. being looked at (stared at) or being touched... amen... a long and hard week starting tomorrow but the end is near.. then mental break... I envy you that can hide into your room, no such thing for me.. work doesnt alllow such luxery. Will seek something that is a work alone... far from pple.. might have to recycle and go back to school :( unless the gov. gives me a pension for illness... we will seee........ being classified as a danger to myself so will be the next psichiatrist to decide what to do of me.. going in a black hole but my sister will hold my hand. Back to bed now... thanks for your replies Stranger .. tonight i feel the need to so something bad (cutting lately) but got to fight the urge so rather take my meds and lay down. Talk to you soon. Bless you
     
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