Question about God's intentions

[nicesinging1]

There were times in my life that I was so driven toward edges, all I could think about was suicide. Fortunately I am still alive but it has been painful experiences.
I often wonder why life has to be so hard like this. If I could just lead ordinary, happy life like normal people, I would be content without rich and fame.
But there are so many things going wrong in my life such as severe depression and lust problem. They hampered my life so much despite my efforts.
I know everyone has problems. But I only wish my problems were manageable and not so debilitating. I also wonder why God even put me in this world to go through terrible pains like this in the first place.
I hope somehow God talks to me to put an end to this painful suffering called "life."
Everyday is too painful to get by when you even get verbally abused by ur own parents.
Why did God put me in this world in the first place if life is to be this unbearable? I am lost at understanding God's intentions for me.

 

[TG123]

There were times in my life that I was so driven toward edges, all I could think about was suicide. Fortunately I am still alive but it has been painful experiences.
I often wonder why life has to be so hard like this. If I could just lead ordinary, happy life like normal people, I would be content without rich and fame.
But there are so many things going wrong in my life such as severe depression and lust problem. They hampered my life so much despite my efforts.
I know everyone has problems. But I only wish my problems were manageable and not so debilitating. I also wonder why God even put me in this world to go through terrible pains like this in the first place.
I hope somehow God talks to me to put an end to this painful suffering called "life."
Everyday is too painful to get by when you even get verbally abused by ur own parents.
Why did God put me in this world in the first place if life is to be this unbearable? I am lost at understanding God's intentions for me.

I had very similar questions too, a while ago. I felt that my problems were also unmanageable and that it was all my fault. I went from hating myself to trying suicide to trying to shut off all my emotions. I had all sorts of disgusting feelings and thoughts and intentions and impulses. Family problems can sometimes be the worst, believe me I know where you are coming from in this regard.

I do believe though that our suffering can have a purpose. My suffering in my jr. high school was one step on the path that finally drew me to Jesus. The past few weeks helped me re-realize how much God loves me and will always be there for me, and also the importance of talking to people about how I feel and of not letting negative feelings crush me.

I will pray for you, and hope things get better at home. Sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes years.

I would recommend also to keep your faith in God, and don't be afraid to ask Him these questions. Don't be afraid of putting your fears and anger and frustration on His shoulders, He can take it. He loves you and will stand by you if you allow Him. It will not make your problems disappear but you will never be alone.

Jesus suffered much more than any of us when He died on the cross for us. And He died so that by we would never have to feel suffering or pain again after we die believing in Him and following Him. I'm glad you've resisted the temptations to kill yourself, God wants you to live in Him. Things may be hard, but He will never give you more problems than you can handle.

If you'd like to keep in touch, my email is [email protected]

Cristo Vive!
- Tomasz

 

[MrDepressed]

cant resist gotta say it... maybe its proof that there is no god... delete this reply if it is innappropriate for the this convo.

 

[Ziggy]

Ah a happy normal life.

I think that was over for me when I was a child, and my mum became a manic depressive and my dad ran away, the only friend I had for years on end was my computer because I was too afraid of being hurt by people. When I finally made a couple of really good friends both died, one was schizophrenic and the other set fire to herself. But hey after an attempted suicide I've managed to go on for another 10 or 15 years with bouts of depression, sadness, loneliness and anxiety. (though I've always had my computers so it's not all been bad)

So I ask "Why did God put me in this world?" and the answer's easy. Because the world is such a beautiful place and I'm lucky to be a part of it.

A lot of people will say "But you haven't got any real problems" and they're probably right. I would say I've been very lucky, and if I ever meet God I'd have to thank him for that. I guess it's just a matter of perspective.

 

[TG123]

cant resist gotta say it... maybe its proof that there is no god... delete this reply if it is innappropriate for the this convo.

I don't think anything you said should be deleted, MrDepressed. Can I ask you though why do you think this would prove there is no God?

BTW If you want to avoid a faith discussion and not answer, that's OK too.

Cristo Vive!
- Tomasz

 

[TG123]

Ah a happy normal life.

I think that was over for me when I was a child, and my mum became a manic depressive and my dad ran away, the only friend I had for years on end was my computer because I was too afraid of being hurt by people. When I finally made a couple of really good friends both died, one was schizophrenic and the other set fire to herself. But hey after an attempted suicide I've managed to go on for another 10 or 15 years with bouts of depression, sadness, loneliness and anxiety. (though I've always had my computers so it's not all been bad)

So I ask "Why did God put me in this world?" and the answer's easy. Because the world is such a beautiful place and I'm lucky to be a part of it.

A lot of people will say "But you haven't got any real problems" and they're probably right. I would say I've been very lucky, and if I ever meet God I'd have to thank him for that. I guess it's just a matter of perspective.

Wow Ziggy,

Thanks for sharing that. I'm really sorry to hear about your friends. If you want to talk about it I'm always there, if not I understand. I was really inspired by your answer though, and to admit it I didn't think this way either.
Really did open my eyes and mind, thanks.

Cristo Vive!
- Tomasz

 

[MrDepressed]

I have no problem with faith/religious discussions.. I think that is proof that there is no god because for one thing there are tons of people who are 'given' more than they can handle.. like who the hell can handle rape or murder or incest or that type of thing.. if all those are part of a plan that is a sick sick mind that created the plan.. now I dont know if that is anything close to a reason as to why I believe there is no god, but it makes sense to me... it might take me a few posts to get out what I truelly feel and think about the subject...

 

[nicesinging1]

As a Christian, I know I shouldn't be saying this. But I keep losing faith in God. Like someone said above, I feel like I am given more than I can handle. Maybe, I am overexaggerating the pains or mentally too weak. Who knows?
But what I know is that I was so utterly hurt, depressed, frustrated that I even attempted suicide this past May. It was my first time ever at the age of 24. I never thought I would ever attempt suicide in life but I felt I could no longer cope with the pains.
But like I said, maybe I am mentally too weak or something. I don't know the real answer. I hope God set me free and just let me be normal human being. I don't think I am asking too much. Am I?

 

[Ziggy]

"Maybe, I am overexaggerating the pains or mentally too weak." - I doubt that's true. When I attempted suicide at 22 I had a very good reason.

I mean I'm nearly 40 and I'm still trying to sort out my life. It's pretty shit at the moment I sleep about 4 hours a night and am kind of struggling to behave in a normal manner. But I think the effort will be worth it. Probably got 40 years ahead of me, and I do believe they can be good ones. However, things like faith and hope don't come easy, you have to really work at them, it does feel like a constant battle to me at the moment.

When you say "I hope someday, everything I have been through will make sense and I will be living happy, fun and enjoyable life that I look forward to in every waking moment." I'm probably stupid enough to believe that I can. The thing that puts me off Christianity is that they seem so focussed on the next life, I figure Jesus healed people so that they could enjoy this life, 'cos he could have simply killed them if he'd wanted them to enjoy the next.

(Oh by the way I'm a sort of Agnostic, Pantheist, Buddhist Zoroastrian at the moment - thought I'd let you know just in case people want to question my religious beliefs)

 

[TG123]

As a Christian, I know I shouldn't be saying this. But I keep losing faith in God. Like someone said above, I feel like I am given more than I can handle. Maybe, I am overexaggerating the pains or mentally too weak. Who knows?
But what I know is that I was so utterly hurt, depressed, frustrated that I even attempted suicide this past May. It was my first time ever at the age of 24. I never thought I would ever attempt suicide in life but I felt I could no longer cope with the pains.
But like I said, maybe I am mentally too weak or something. I don't know the real answer. I hope God set me free and just let me be normal human being. I don't think I am asking too much. Am I?

Hey nicesinging,

I'm also 24 by the way.I felt everything you have felt in these past few weeks, and also tried killing myself. It was such a lame try that looking back on it I can't believe I thought it would even work but that's a different story, for once I was happy to be a screwup.

You shouldn't ever feel like you shouldn't express your faith struggle. God gives us all crosses to carry in this life, to follow Jesus includes taking up a cross as well.

Can I ask you some questions? Have you tried praying to God, telling Him that you feel these burdens are too heavy and asking Him to help you carry them?

Part of my 'recovery' now if you could call it that included asking God for forgiveness as well as for help.

Although I have suffered, I have also done and said and thought things I shouldn't have, things that were against God's will. My suicide attempt was certainly one of them. I also have looked at wrong things on the computer so I too am guilty of lust. I wanted to shut myself off to myself and I hated myself and that too is wrong. I asked God to forgive me for these things, that is the first thing I prayed for.

I think when we approach God we should lay everything we have before Him. Our problems and our hopes, but also our apologies. If you have done things that were wrong, have you repented for them? I don't want to sound like a 'preacher' but we need to confess our sins to God and apologize for them. It will also be helpful to you if you are feeling guilt. Believe me, it helps so much. And if you fall again, ask Him for forgiveness again. He will never turn you away.

I sometimes feel like I am weak as well, and according to God there is nothing wrong with that either. Even if your faith in Him is weak and even hanging on by a thread, He recognizes it. I would like to paste something I wrote about this to another person by email.

Even if your faith is hanging on by a thread, it is still there. The Bible says some things about that:

Isaiah 42:3
A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out.


Romans 14:1-4
1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. 2One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. 4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. AND HE WILL STAND, FOR THE LORD IS ABLE TO MAKE HIM STAND (I capitalized that part)

- Sometimes we feel like bruised reeds or smoldering wicks and feel there is not enough within us to keep faithful to God. He accepts you for AS YOU ARE. He accepts your faith even if at times (or more often than that) it is 'weak' and you feel far from God. If you put your faith in God, HE HAS ACCEPTED YOU. And HE will make you stand.

If you have accepted Jesus into your life and put your faith in Him, know that He will always be with you and never abandon you as long as you keep reaching to Him. It sounds like you are doing that.

You are asking God for a life with less suffering in your life and you want to live like a 'normal person'. I see nothing wrong with that either.
I do not know what God will do for you, but I do know that if you allow Him to, He will help you carry these burdens. He may or may not make them disappear, but He will never allow them to overwhelm you.

The problems that led me to almost kill myself a few weeks ago did not disappear. I have however decided to give them to God- that means that whatever happens I will accept His will and know that in the long run it is what is best for me. I asked Him to take my pain, and it has helped. Does it still hurt? Of course. But actually much less and is getting better.

I have learned many things from my most recent experience, things I might not have learned had I not gone through these problems. I learned that I need to talk to people about my problems before they overshadow me. I learned that the feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness and suicide come from the enemy- Satan. I re-learned that God loves me, because He did not allow me to kill myself. I learned that I need to love myself and stop hating myself if I want to serve God and love others. I learned that even if some people close to me reject me, it hurts but it's not the end of the world, because other people are always there and so is He. I reconnected with some people I did not speak to for a while and met new friends.

Know that God loves you and that whatever happens if you choose to remain faithful to Him, He will stand by you.

Some ideas: If you do at times feel distant from Him, talk to Him. Pray to Him. Try reading a part of Scripture and asking Him for guidance, and then write down your thoughts. Maybe try listening to some Christian music- I'm a modern Praise&Worship fan, if you are interested some cool songs u can listen to online: http://www.battlecry.com/pages/atf_bands.php
Do you go to a church? Is there one near your area? Maybe try checking one out. Talk to a pastor or a priest about your struggles, I am sure they'll listen to you and share their knowledge and experiences and advice. If you get turned, that person is not really following God. Keep looking, you will find others who do.

If you ever want to talk, I'm there.

Cristo Vive!
- Tomasz

 

[TG123]

I have no problem with faith/religious discussions.. I think that is proof that there is no god because for one thing there are tons of people who are 'given' more than they can handle.. like who the hell can handle rape or murder or incest or that type of thing.. if all those are part of a plan that is a sick sick mind that created the plan.. now I dont know if that is anything close to a reason as to why I believe there is no god, but it makes sense to me... it might take me a few posts to get out what I truelly feel and think about the subject...

Hey MrDepressed,

Thanks for sharing your views and agreeing to a discussion.

In regards to your first comment, I agree that rape and incest and murder are horrific things. I have never suffered through them. I put up with a lot of physical and verbal abuse when I was in jr. high school, but nothing that extreme.

However, I also know people who have been through such things. I have a friend who was raped by someone in her family when she was a child. My granparents and greataunts and greatuncles lived in Nazi occupied Poland- they witnessed neighbours and close relatives and friends being shot to death, being strafed by planes while fleeing as refugees, burned alive in their homes, dying of hunger, dying from their wounds after torture after being liberated from prisons. I have spoken to a young El Salvadoran man during my 2 week stay there in Augist who spent the 1st 5 years of his life hiding in a cave with his family, fearing the soldiers who would rape and flay alive those who they caught.
All of these people have experienced more savagery and cruelty than most people at least living in Canada, probably safe to say. All of them also believe in God, and would never renounce Him. My grandmothers have died believing in Jesus, and have remained loyal to Him. So although they were given horrific burdens to carry in their lives, they were able to do so without losing their faith in God.

I believe that-

Suffering in the world is not caused by God, but by Satan. He is a rebellious angel who chose to leave God and has rejected Him. He is the cause of all evil, and possesses people to do horrific things. God allows us to either accept Him or reject Him. We have free will.

God is more powerful than Satan, even if Satan is very powerful in the world. Satan is in charge of the world, but in the end He will be destroyed and his reign will end.

God loves us so much He sent Jesus Christ to live among us and teach us and die for us on the cross. Those who put their faith in Him and choose to follow Him are saved in Him- He will stand with them and never leave, and will have everlasting life in Heaven with Him after they die. Regardless of what evil Satan may commit against you, if you put your faith in Christ, He will not let you down and Satan will not win. He will tempt you and hurt you but he will not win. God will bring you through.

I look forward to hearing back from you, MrDepressed. Feel free to email me if you prefer to continue this discussion in private. I am OK with it being either on the forum or email, whatever works for you.

Cristo Vive!
- Tomasz

 

[lymeinside]

I no longer believe in god. I used to, but I have lost all faith. I have felt the most abhorrent feelings of mental anguish and loneliness that a human can feel, and god has done nothing to help me.

 

[MrDepressed]

I will never have anything against religion in general, I think that it is a evolutionary necessity, hands down it brings people together closer than almost anything I know... but one thing I would never do is blame the 'devil' for the evils I have done, I was not possessed, but acted in free will, my choice, as I think almost everyone else does, except maybe seriously mentally ill people who maybe truelly do not know right from wrong...
The thing I respect the most out of the bible is 1 corinthians chapter 13.. which to me plainly states that if you have anything, absolutely anything and do not have love than really you have nothing.. which I agree with.. love is the key, not weither a person can be healed, or speak in tongues, or have supreme faith... love and only love travails over the evils of our world..

I am happy for people who believe that they have faith, but when they circle my gay friends and try to excercise demons from them, they are taking a step to far.. when they lay there hands on a terminally ill person and 'faith heal' I think they are going to far..

I have faith.. faith in my fellow man, faith that as a collective there is more love than there is evil.. faith that good will triumph over evil.. evil may win some battles, but love will win many many more...

If you have not read any writings from the christian writer Richard Wurmbrand or Brother Andrew I would recommend reading them, they are very clear about there beliefs and I figure are faith builders for those who believe.. but if you do not have a strong stomache you might think twice about most of Wurmbrands writings for he speaks alot about the torchers that went on under the communist regime, specifically in Romania...
Good luck in your journey with love.

 

[TG123]

I will never have anything against religion in general, I think that it is a evolutionary necessity, hands down it brings people together closer than almost anything I know... but one thing I would never do is blame the 'devil' for the evils I have done, I was not possessed, but acted in free will, my choice, as I think almost everyone else does, except maybe seriously mentally ill people who maybe truelly do not know right from wrong...
The thing I respect the most out of the bible is 1 corinthians chapter 13.. which to me plainly states that if you have anything, absolutely anything and do not have love than really you have nothing.. which I agree with.. love is the key, not weither a person can be healed, or speak in tongues, or have supreme faith... love and only love travails over the evils of our world..

I am happy for people who believe that they have faith, but when they circle my gay friends and try to excercise demons from them, they are taking a step to far.. when they lay there hands on a terminally ill person and 'faith heal' I think they are going to far..

I have faith.. faith in my fellow man, faith that as a collective there is more love than there is evil.. faith that good will triumph over evil.. evil may win some battles, but love will win many many more...

If you have not read any writings from the christian writer Richard Wurmbrand or Brother Andrew I would recommend reading them, they are very clear about there beliefs and I figure are faith builders for those who believe.. but if you do not have a strong stomache you might think twice about most of Wurmbrands writings for he speaks alot about the torchers that went on under the communist regime, specifically in Romania...
Good luck in your journey with love.

Hey,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, and sorry I didn't reply sooner. I think that you hit the nail on the head when you go over 1 Corinthians 15, that is a really awesome passage but I must admit one I have struggled with.

Not because I disagree, but because so often I fall short of that. So often I have not shown enough love to many people and I guess also sometimes to myself. I spoke with a pastor about some of the problems I've been having, he told me I need to 'show love for myself'. I must admit that is something I am having a very hard time with, I am more likely to beat myself up over something than to beat on anyone else and I am less likely to admit anything good about myself than to hold up other people. I would never think of killing or hurting anyone, but almost jumped off a bridge, considered slitting my wrists and swallowed a bunch of Tylenols hoping it would do something bad to me in a 4 week timespan.

I do not believe I would be alive today without God. In regards to evil, I think it is a mixture of both. The evil impulses in our lives do come from the Devil b/c he creates sin, but whether we go along with them or not is up to us. So it is a matter of free will and although he tempts us we have the choice of whether or whether not we go along and do wrong.

When you say that you have faith in your fellow man, I admire that because it is strong faith. I have lost that faith, and am having a difficult time trusting people. I will be there for them whenever I can, but I don't really expect anyone to be there for me. There are some people who are there for me and I appreciate that and try to be there for them, but in the case of being reliant on others I will try to be not like that again. I've relied on some people before who were good friends, and they turned their backs. It was hard but only because I made myself reliant on their friendship and goodwill.

I know that God is there for me no matter what, and that He died on the cross for me and that He has helped me get through hard times in my life and that when I die, I will spend eternity with Him in Heaven. He loves me no matter what, and is forgiving and accepting of me (not my sins, when I mess up I do apologize to Him and ask Him for forgiveness) in spite of me. No one else could give something like that to me. I hope that one day you will accept Him too, because He can and does help so much and makes it all worthwhile in the end.

The books you listed do sound interesting, I will have to check them out when I have some time.

Cristo Vive!
- Tomasz

 

[MrDepressed]

There was a time that I accepted him.. for many years.. I studied and prayed everyday through those years, but frankly I was far worse in my emotional state during this time, god did not help me.. I feel strongly my prayers are as likely to be answered by a stone than by god.. at the time I had perceived a relationship... or what I wanted a relationship to be with him, but when I really consider it, I was trying to make any happening or thought about it, I was forcing it, making something out of nothing..

 

[sadsong]

Just wanted to add my two cents...

I think it's impossible to guess what God's intentions are. When i was at my lowest (about 2 years ago) I cried out to God, asking him to help me and take my pain away, i felt that there was no reply, i felt he abandoned me. I ended up attempting, then quitting uni, moving back with my parents and stopped the one thing that had been keeping me going (playing the piano).

Now my life couldn't be more different, I am getting better, I got together with my fiance, moved up to live with him and am now training to be a nurse. Looking back at the prayers I can see that he did answer them, but it wasn't immediate or how i expected. God is a being of mystery.

If I hadn't been where in that lowest place, then i wouldn't have attempted, i wouldn't have moved back home and quit uni, i wouldn't have got together with my fiance as the distance was too far, and i wouldn't have had the change in career.

Just wanted to let people know that prayers do get answered but things don't always go the way that you want or imagine them to.

Lizzy. xxx

 

[TG123]

Hey MrDepressed,

I agree with sadsong. I would also add that sometimes God does not grant the specific things we ask Him for, because in the long run it is not good for us, but later He blesses us with far better things.

I can't count the number of times that I asked God to allow me to die, but when all is said and done I am glad to be alive. I lost a friend a while ago and I asked God to allow us to be close again but it is clearly not His will. It hurt, and it still does. In the process though, I met new friends and got more in touch with other people.

I am currently looking at a job oppurtunity that I don't think would have been realistic to accomplish if I am too close to someone. It seems to be within reach, I'll see.

What I mean is that God always does answer our prayers, even if He does not always grant them.

I don't mean to sound 'preachy' but I do hope that you do reconsider having a relationship with God. Even if He seems far away, He is always there. And I believe that if you do put all your faith and trust in Him, you will see the results not only in Heaven but also in this world.
No, I don't mean that things will all of a sudden start going your way and all of your problems will disappear or that money will appear- anyone who tells you that I would be a bit wary of. But I do think that you will feel less sadness and anger- I know I did when I accepted Him as my Saviour.

Cristo Vive!
- Tomasz

 

[MrDepressed]

I was baptised, gave my life over, read the word through blood sweat and tears, was inlvolved, etc etc... 10 years of it and it never payed off.. give it longer.. whatever.. it is a kin to fantasy as far as I am concerned.. gods will.. whatever.. not at any moment did it relieve anger or sadness... I would be cautious to say god had answered any prayer in any particular way or for any particular benefit to you or him.. things happen, I think it just makes alot of people more comfortable to see it as a thing from a higher power.. I will just let you know that there is next to 0% chance that anything you could say or do would change the way I think or see.. I have been in your shoes to an extent and now I think it was all crap.. but hey I respect your desire/need to have a saviour.. I dont need one.. I need true real human contact.. well enough said for the time being.. hopefully I did not offend anyone.

 

[Ziggy]

I'm a very big fan of nature, I feel that I'm close to it, part of it, part of something bigger than myself. It does relieve my anger, my sadness and gives me hope in the world and myself. But I don't expect the birds and the trees to answer my prayers or help resolve my problems, I don't ask them to bless me or love me, I just simply want to experience their presence.

I felt that about God once I guess, I never thought the bible was there to tell me what was right or wrong, or to give me advice and guidance, or to help me or make me feel better about myself, it's was simply there to allow me to experience God, because personally I believe it is only the experience that will change you not the words that are written on the page. They say that God is love, but I think that if you are angry or hurting it's very difficult to experience love either from God or from other people. I guess that's where it all went wrong for me.

(Oh and to be honest I'm not sure whether I did experience God or whether I was just simply fucked up... it was a difficult period in my life)

 

[TG123]

I was baptised, gave my life over, read the word through blood sweat and tears, was inlvolved, etc etc... 10 years of it and it never payed off.. give it longer.. whatever.. it is a kin to fantasy as far as I am concerned.. gods will.. whatever.. not at any moment did it relieve anger or sadness... I would be cautious to say god had answered any prayer in any particular way or for any particular benefit to you or him.. things happen, I think it just makes alot of people more comfortable to see it as a thing from a higher power.. I will just let you know that there is next to 0% chance that anything you could say or do would change the way I think or see.. I have been in your shoes to an extent and now I think it was all crap.. but hey I respect your desire/need to have a saviour.. I dont need one.. I need true real human contact.. well enough said for the time being.. hopefully I did not offend anyone.

Hey MrDepressed,

Nothing that you said to me was offensive and I am glad to hear what you have to say. I enjoy talking with you, even if we disagree. I respect you for being polite and understanding and for being supportive to me and others on this forum. I think that you do need real human contact, as we all do. I hate loneliness as well, it almost drove me (along with some other factors) to kill myself recently.
I will continue to respect you regardless of what you decide to do or believe. To be completely honest, I will keep praying for you too. No offense meant either. :smile:

Something I wanted to share with you and others reading this:

I had an amazing experience a while ago. God did help me today when I just for some reason began feeling terrible and then sad and then began crying. I was scared, I hate when this happens and I have no idea what to do. I just feel terrible and crappy and it just gets worse and worse. I don't know if this is depression or what, but I hate it. And it's so pathetic b/c nothing bad happened today, I began thinking about my friend and then this happened...I had no control over it...

I then however fell to my knees and began praying to God. Just sobbing. I asked Him to please take away this grief and sadness which just began eating at me and shaking me. I asked Him to take it on His shoulders, to make this grief and sadness go away. I thanked Him for the things in life He blessed me with, and I apologized for the wrong things I did. I begged Him to take away this pain. He did. A few minutes later it was completely gone.

Always glad to hear from you, and take care.

Cristo Vive!
- Tomasz