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Question for the guys out there..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, Jun 20, 2008.

  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Let me give a little background information.. I have been with my husband for nearly 6 years and we have been married nearly 4 of those years. We have a 3 year old son together.. When I gave birth to him I was injured pretty bad and it wasnt realized at the time. We didnt find out until we tried getting back to having a healthy sexual relationship.. Apparently from what I have been reading, answers from doctors and friends, my own feelings, ect - I have nerve damange. The doctors agree because they cant find any visible problems, any signs of infection, or anything else for that matter.. Where heres my problem..It makes sex almost unbearable.. I mean I would almost ruther be shot then I would get laid :( Yeah sometimes its that bad.. When my tummys full, my bladders full, Im on my peroid. anything puts pressure on my pelvic area I feel like crying.. Even when I feel okay and am pain free I push him off because I fear that pain.. He says he understands but hes so grouchy and Im afraid its all my fault..So guys.>If you were 100% devoted and in love with someone would sex matter still? He says it doesnt matter because he went so long without it before he got with me. He also says he understands the problem and doesnt want to hurt me. Hes even went as far as saying when he sees the pain in my eyes and on my face it hurts him too and he cant perform... I know this is probably to much information and I hope I dont get in trouble for posting this but I need some thoughts from others on this...
  2. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I don't quite understand what you are asking really.

    Sex is painful, your husband completely understands and is willing to not poke around, what is the issue? If you two are completely devoted to each other, which it sounds like you are, and your husband doesn't require regular sex, which it sounds like he doesn't, I can't think of a problem.

    If you think your husband might be mentally screaming "SHIT SHIT SHIT I NEED TO PUT MY PENIS IN SOMETHING OR I AM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND" then you can get into anal (but if any kind of pressure on your pelvic region hurts that might be out of the question) or you can buy him a fleshlight.
  3. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Yes thats the problem..Hes always so grumpy and touchy and Im worried that its my fault (due to lack of sex). We always had such a regular sex life (four plus times a day) until our son was born. Then it went to heck.. I let him do it sometimes anyways. I act like Im into it when really I want to cry and usually after its over I go into another room and I do. Sometimes its decent and doesnt hurt much but...He wont do it himself with a toy or his hand - I dont understand that.. Yeap anal we have tried (not my favorite lol)....
  4. SoHappyItHurts

    SoHappyItHurts Well-Known Member

    Oral sex is more than enough for some guys, at least gay guys like myself :)
  5. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Yes I have been told that..No offence to guys but Id ruther such a gym sock :eek:hmy:
  6. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    I'm a very shallow person so it would be probably be a problem for me. Um, oral sex is pretty awesome for straight guys too; but if you're not into it then it kinda is bad.

    Yeah, its the kind of situation that could get worse and worse . . . Dunno, seems like really raw deal. Nothing doctors can do?
  7. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Nope, nothing doctors can do about it.. They say its probably permanent at this point seeing as its been 3 years and has only got slightly better.. Yeah I dont know but I just hate giving oral sex.. I cant stand a persons smell down there (guys or girls). No matter how much they wash or what soap they use - the smell makes me throw up a little. Lets face it. I cant hold my breath long enough to give decent oral to someone..
  8. SoHappyItHurts

    SoHappyItHurts Well-Known Member

    The oral sex thing seems fixable. I don't know how, but I have some ideas:

    - oral sex in the shower
    - use of flavored, edible, water-based lubricant
    - using baby wipes to clean the area after a shower since sweat-causing odor can accumulate quickly
    - him wearing a condom with the rest of the genital area covered up, such as with clothing or sheets
  9. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    We have tried a lot of things to make oral sex more comfortable for me to give.. We have tried it in the shower..We have tried using scented soaps and lubes. We have tried baby wipes (even those wet bathroom tissue wipes).. I have even stooped to spraying the area around with perfume and even tried using food (Jellys and such).. I just cant get past the scent..I have to admit the thought just makes me a bit sick too. I have never been comfortable with it..
  10. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    So he refuses to let you use a fleshlight on him? A lot of dudes like them, and there partner buys one for them so if they're not around or for what ever other reason, they have an alternative. I personally would still love you the same for the rest of our days :) Love transcends the physical body (imo).
  11. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    I would say that short to medium term the answer is not a problem........

    But Medium to long term? Who knows.......but if I was a betting man odds are that sooner or later he will be at least tempted by opportunity elsewhere - even good relationships have their ups and downs - a lack of sex may not cause the down, but could make it a whole lot worse to deal with the results........

    IMO not so much about the lack of the physical act of "hiding the sausage" in Mrs Vagina :tongue:, but more the lack of the expression / bonding that comes with it.

    On the oral thing - yer didn't mention using flavoured condoms, albeit IMO yer will need to get yer technique well sorted to blow through a condom. Though of course if the idea itself is a no no, then ain't nothing gonna make yer enjoy it.......but if the act is not fundamentally objectionable, then yer may want to think about getting your enjoyment simply from making him happy.

    Don't take this the wrong way :eek:hmy: but anal seems to be the way to go - especially as it does involve penetration (plus it is "naughty but nice" for many fellas:tongue:) appreciate that it may not be something you are entirely comfortable with :rolleyes: or get your own jollies from, but as long as you don't hate the idea and can physically do so without pain (discomfort is not the same as "pain") it may be something you need to do. Although I would suggest not telling hubby "that you are only doing it to keep him happy"....although in practice you may be doing the immediate act for this reason, yer also doing it for your own long term benefit........and in any event no reason why you cannot share / mentally take something from the "expression of love" even if not the act.............and making it clear in words or actions otherwise will be completely couterproductive.

    And with practice anal gets easier / less uncomfortable. so I am told :blink:

    Hands are also useful things. and fingers. and tongues especially involved with the male G-Spot (proof that God is a woman with a sense of humour!). Or buy a strap on for yourself and ride hubby like a cowboy :laugh:

    Of course it would also be nice / useful for hubby if YOU could also get your jollies, even if not involving Vaginal penetration....not sure if that is also painful for you? but if not no reason why Mr Banana :tongue: cannot be used on the outside of Mrs Vagina :rolleyes: with helping hands from hubby and yourself. Will help build up and maintain trust between you (of not sticking it in the hole) - as well as hopefully being a mutual jollies event!

    Of course watching each other masturbate, especially where hubby can see you doing stuff will probably work quite well........:tongue:

    Mixing things up (and accepting that no "normal" sex does need extra effort from you) is my advice. And remember that Sex is limited only by the invention of the mind. and questions of taste :tongue:
  12. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    For me the sex wouldn't matter at all if I was in that situation.
  13. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply.... Masterbation is out of the question for him. He admits hes only done it once since hes been with me and it was before we 'came together' for the first time. I have tried to get him to do it as a way to release that pent up whatever and he wont do it. I dont know why as I always thought men enjoyed self love. I guess I have met one to many perverts in chat rooms :rolleyes: Yes we have tried anal.. Its not a very comfortable feeling.. Its like umm (trying to think of a way to say it thats not sick or offensive to anyone).. Well it feels like having a phone pole shoved up ya bumm :laugh: Maybe its just my guy or maybe its just me I dont know.. I have enjoyed it once but after that it got a little uncomfortable..Yes, Im a freak (and not in a good way!)...I think in all honestly Im more upset then he is. Or at least Im showing more upset then he is.... I always enjoyed a nice (and frequent) romp before I had my son..Now I feel like less of a woman.
  14. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    Well, maybe you could give him Oral to please him, if anything dont just leave him with nothing, there are tons and tons of things you can do other than actual intercourse. He sounds like he really loves you, and If I really loved someone it would not matter.
  15. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Like I said earlier I dont do oral..It makes me throw up - yes Im being serious... I do believe he loves me but I still worry that Im the reason hes so grumpy all the time. I came to that train of thought because he started to act like this when I was pregnant. At about 8 months be decided sex wasnt safe and he wouldnt touch me. Then when he felt it was safe again I said no...Then the total grumpes started...
  16. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    Well, you can touch him, right? I mean, you can do a lot to please him without oral or intercourse. U can do a little striptease and play with him.
  17. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Yeah..Like my fat arse is going to try a striptease..lol... He claims I look wonderful to him but a striptease would probably kill him dead (not from pleasure either)...
  18. Rachael41

    Rachael41 Well-Known Member

    I think its great that ur husband is willing to give up the sex. He obviously cares a lot about u and doesnt want to hurt u. surely thats enough.

    I agree with the others ^^ Thers other things u can do for pleasure, and things that will keep u both happy :)

    A lot of guys think thats all matters, and 2 b honest i do believe the physical side of a relationship is important..BUT not essential..

    Love overrides all of that and i think u should take some of our advice and try something knew :)
  19. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Like what? We are both overweight so new posistions are pretty much out of the question - expecially the ones that put low or no pressure on my painful spot. I should also mention hes short in that department (NOT small..just short) so..yeah...
  20. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    What about anal sex? You still can give him hand jobs. I cant even blow from oral sex anyway I'm so used to masturbation, I prefer a well lubed up hand job from a chick to be honest.