I'm sure the answer is different for everyone but I'm wondering if there's a pattern of suicidality that slowly increases from fleeting thoughts until it results in an attempt. This may pertain more to people like myself that are less impulsive. I've had dysthymia with overlapping episodes of major depression my entire life with frequent thoughts of not wanting to live. I experienced my first bout of real suicidal ideation about 4 years ago; the thoughts were strong and consistent for about a month or two but my depression lifted enough for them to dissipate with time. I remember researching suicide methods a lot but never had a plan. Last year is when they kicked into high gear, I wish to be dead almost everyday even when I feel "okay". I developed a plan and for the most part I feel like it should work. The urges come and go and the main thing that keeps me from acting on it is the timing. It used to be enough to think of my family and the pain it would cause to deter me, but now that thought isn't as convincing. Now I feel like the only thing holding me back is my boyfriend and how unfair it would be to go through with it while we're together. Well tonight I had the urge to pack a box of stuff I want him to have, write letters to him and my family, and go through with it. It seems like slowly the things holding me back are eroding and it is inevitable. In summary, was your suicidality gradual the way mine seems to be? Am I on a path that will likely lead to an attempt despite the circumstances around me?