Question - possible trigger

know it shouldn't matter as ab*se is ab*se..but something that has been playing on mind alot and after watching a youtube link that shows a pedo in aussie with no remorse what so ever, and saying its ok to have se* with a child of any age triggered me, and has added if more thoughts.

Is every person that se*ually ab*ses a child a ped****??? My counsellor said that the neighbour that ab*sed me was, he was nice to me, gave me loads of presents, was nice, friendly, this was before he started doing anything, captured my mind, gained my trust and found my weak points (the absense of my old man, despite him being bad I still loved and needed him, sorry)...was I naive or is that how it works? I'm so confused.

if its 2 children, both under the age of 16 is my right that its not ab*se my children experimenting, even if one child doesn't want it, but the other child possibly didn't understand that it was wrong..or am I making excuses

 

I'm not quite certain about the circumstances of the second scenario you presented as "under the age of 16" leaves a LOT of leaway! Still, obviously (to me anyway), if one child does not want to 'participate' in 'experimenting', and the other exercises control or force or coercion, then it is without a doubt most surely abuse! And if you're aware of this occurring (!), as an adult, you need to do something about it!

As for the first scenario, yes - anyone who as an adult engages in sexual activity with a child (even if it appears "compliant", even "friendly") - that indeed constitutes pedophelia. And no, they do not feel any remorse, as often they believe they truly do "love" the child in their own warped perspectives. And what you described about your own experiences is precisely the "process" and means by which they operate....

So convincing and seemingly sincere are they that even once the child becomes aware that this is NOT comfortable, and something feels "wrong" - even many years later, they are by then so guilt-ridden by the seemingly inescapable notion that they "invited it" (which is so far from the truth! It is exactly the 'vulnerable' ones that they prey upon). While gaining physical rewards for himself (or herself?), the pedophile uses psychological means that a young child will of course not be aware of, let alone be able to fight. Nor do they (the child) feel capable of being able to say "No!" (not to mention that sometimes children are threatened by the abuser in order that this remains a secret) And even if they "enjoyed" it, they are overwhelmed by the possibilty that their sexuality has already been formed and/or that they may become deviants themselves.

I'm truly glad for you that you're addressing this by speaking to someone professional about it. Not many have the courage (and some "choose" not to remember, thought it remains inside of them and eats them away - consciously or otherwise - and affects their future relationships and intimacy) - and indeed they may well run the risk of being utterly consumed by the terrible past, or even repeating history...

 

Anyone that experiences sex or violence against their wishes is being abused. Even if they may be considered to young to know better. Experimentation may be a normal part of realizing and becoming sexual beings, but at no point does one person have the right to force another to participate in something they do not want to do. Hun I 'm so proud of you seeking professional help. There will be days where it's going to feel like the most impossible thing for you to do but hang in there. It's going to help you in so many ways with being able to see a brighter future. I'm still here for you sweetie.