Question : Why are we scared of living alone

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Zaheer, Feb 1, 2015.

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  1. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    Why are we (most of us) scared of ending up alone in life
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps because all human beings need to feel connected to someone we are not meant to live in isolation on a island all by ourselves but i know that some of us do
    perhaps we just do not want to be forgotten but that our memory will be kept alive through our friends or family we do not want to fade away forever
     
  3. Lux

    Lux Well-Known Member

    I always wonder.

    I go about saying I'd rather be alone most of the time, and with job requirements its probably easier to be that way, but yet I'm scared of ending up alone. But mostly for me, I think my main fear is dying and no one knowing or caring.
     
  4. Moon_Penguin

    Moon_Penguin Penguin astronaut extraordinaire

    To be alone is to be unwanted. Unwanted means you serve no purpose. Even if its just to make someone smile, we all want a purpose. The smallest things make someone feel wanted. And when your wanted by someone, friend or partner, your no longer alone.
     
  5. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    ya "PURPOSE" and "WANTED" two important things in my view .. I always search for purpose
     
  6. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    Thanks total eclipse , Lux and Moon_Penguin for your post.
     
  7. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Because no atom is meant to be alone. Otherwise, there would be nothing created. And since we're made of atoms, there's no escaping the built-in characteristic that requires, craves, bonding.

    We're made to merge and connect on a biological level, where even our DNA isn't singular. Everything exists and grows by colliding. Nothing comes from a singular thing.

    We can't fight nature. We can try coping with any disagreement we may have with nature, but such disagreements always lose. I think it's natural to seek interaction and companionship.

    Even from a sociological perspective, humans learned subconsciously that being alone meant death because it 1) meant you had less security and protection than you would in a group; 2) you would have less manpower and strength to get more resources to survive changing climates; 3) made you more vulnerable to predators, especially those that travel in packs, such as wolves; and 4) led to a reduced life span from the onset of sicknesses that were unable to be self-treated in one's solitude.

    Or maybe that's a bunch of poppycock.

    But I think those are a few reasons why we're programmed to be social and fear being alone our entire lives. It's one of our basic needs right under food and shelter.

    Of course everyone dies with or without being alone, but the living prior to it can be so much grander and more fulfilling than the loneliness. You even get to leave a legacy.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2015
  8. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    That's my actual question to myself .. How to fight nature .. as in reality we can survive alone (unless we don't have enough money).
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have the option now of living alone (rent allowance paid by the state) but I refuse to I would feel so alone, so paranoid at nights and just ugh I am not the type of person that can live alone so i better get on top of it and make sure that never happens.
     
  10. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    you could have asked someone to live with you
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is not allowed if I were to get rent allowance, must be 1 bedroom to get most of the money for it.
     
  12. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    that's bad
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Oh well, I love living at home anyway :)
     
  14. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I never used to mind living alone, but now that I have mental problems, it really scares me.
     
  15. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Re: Question Why are we scared of living alone

    I think we all want to feel connected to people we care about and who care about us.

    I live alone with my cats. I've never especially liked cooking for one and eating alone. The idea of being seriously ill (or elderly) and alone is scary. I used to be extremely lonely a lot of the time. Loneliness forced me to make a real effort to deal with shyness and insecurities, and meet more people, and be more involved in group activities. Doing that has increased my social life and network of friends. Although I still live alone, most of the time I don't feel quite as lonely as I used to. It was real work, but it's been worth it.
     
  16. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Re: Question Why are we scared of living alone

    I prefer being alone, and having internet friends. No one can hurt me that way.
     
  17. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Re: Question Why are we scared of living alone

    Humans are bred to be social animals. Its in our genetic makeup.

    Humans alone in prehistoric times did not fare as well as those who seeked others and hunted together. And invented stuff to help each other.

    Its core of humanity.
     
  18. Bert29

    Bert29 Account Closed

    I don't wanna do some things by myself.
     
  19. BlackKitty

    BlackKitty Active Member

    I lived alone for a year and it was awful. I had never felt so alone in my life.
    I don't want to ever go through that again, I am my own worst enemy.
     
  20. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    Because we're a social species.

    My sister had parakeets for a while. Parakeets are social. They, like many birds, like the company of other birds. One of her parakeets died young. After the first parakeet died, the surviving one was never the same. We got him a mirror, and he looked in it, talked to it. But he was never the same. He ate less, sang less, moved less. He died not even a full year later.

    Humans are kind of like parakeets. We (with only few exceptions) are social. We live in groups. Even if we don't want families (husbands or wives, kids, the whole nine yards)... we tend to seem to prefer having friends, or roommates, or pets to being entirely alone. Even the most introverted person may have a cat or a dog or a rabbit. Like my sister's parakeet, we may have a mirror. We may talk to the mirror. But it will never be the same. If we're lonely, our own company is never the same as the company of another. Like the solitary parakeet, we will start to sing less, move less, maybe eat less (or more, circumstantial). And it's never the same.

    The short answer?

    I'm mostly scared of being stuck with my own mind. I remember reading once that it doesn't take long at all for a person in solitary confinement to start banging their head against the wall. I can confirm that this is true.

    ETA: Seems like I was not the only one who went the social animal route. It definitely is true. In keeping small pets, I've learned a lot about the difference between social animals, and solitary ones. It is wrong to assume that all creatures need companionship. Syrian hamsters, when put with other hamsters, will become as stressed as a parakeet kept alone. They are the opposite of humans and parakeets. A Syrian hamster kept in a pair or group will, like us social animals when we're alone, become stressed, irritable, will move less, eat less, and show signs of depression. We are not like Syrian hamsters. We are definitely more like parakeets.
     
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