Hi, im sorry i should have read the rules before posting. There are alot of reasons why im considering ending my life, im a 22 year old guy (loser) with no life and its thanks to my problems. I have really bad social anxiety and am having trouble going outside into public places and such, i can't talk to people even if my life depended on it, i have developed this problem at the age of 13 when i moved to USA from europe. I never had any friends in school, some kids were giving me a hard time year after year so i decided to just drop out. I started working at 16 after i droped out and been doing that same job ever since and i can't stand it, i hate it with a passion to the point where i loose it and just ran away from home for weeks without saying anything to my family. I can't find another job due to me being so damn shy and nervous all the time. I really can't talk to people on the phone, i can't order food, i can't pretty much do anything that involves me talking to people. Some times i get these panic attacks when im in crowded places.
I've been pretty much reliving the same day over and over for 9 years now, i wake up go to work come home and spend the entire day alone in my room doing nothing, it's been like that for years. I have no friends, no gf, i've never been to a party i never hanged out with anyone, ive never interacted with people. The only girlfriend i have ever had was last year, i met her on the internet, ive been talking to her on the internet for 4 months before finally moving to another state to be with her. It didn't last very long cuz she turned out to be a big liar and other things which i wont mention here, i ended it with her and moved back to NY, i was completely destroyed. She was my first everything. first kiss,sex,holding hands,hug,cuddle everything, It was the best feeling ive ever felt, it was amazing finally experiencing these things that people experience at their teen years. It took me 6 months to get over her.
I'm depressed everyday, i have no selfesteem, im so self concious, i have anger problems too now. I hate myself, i hate the way i am and the way i think. I tried to change alot of things in my life but i always give up in the middle of it cuz i just know im wasting my time with everything that i do, i know things will never go my way, I'm always so negative about everything and i can't think positive for once no matter how hard i try. I have nothing to motivate me, not a single thing. I tried alcohol and pills to get away from my problems, but i stoped doing all that after i tried to get a cheap high and accidently overdosed on pills. I really developed mental problems but i guess thats what happens to someone when they completely isolate them selfs from the rest of the world and spend their days,years locked in a room no bigger then a damn walking in closet.
Everything that i mentioned here isn't even half of my life problems, theres so much more which i wont get into. I know suicide is very selfish and not the way to go but i can't help but think about it everyday, i have started saving money for when i do decide to finally go thru with it, my family will have the money to pay for the funeral. I also know there are people with bigger problems then mine but these are my problems that i can't deal with, sorry that this post is so long and for any mispeled words, english is not my first language
