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Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by ThreePointOneFour, Jul 18, 2009.

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  1. I'm just wondering if you guys have places you don't like being touched because of what happened?

    I saw this on another site on I'm which is mainly dedicated to rape and sa survivors.

    Personally, I hate being touched on my wrists, ankles, neck or my back. I had a lot of trouble with being touched on my ankles when I had to go to hospital for a suspected broken ankle.

  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I don't like to be touched, period. It's wonderful. :1st:

    (and lol for those of you who don't 'know' me the "it's wonderful" part was definitely a joke.)
  3. I go through phases, some times I hate being touched at all and other times the thing I want most is to be touched/held.
  4. JustSam

    JustSam Well-Known Member

    i hate being unnecessarily touched
    if it serves a purpose i'm more ok with it
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    i have a problem with my thighs being touched just up from the knee.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    its not uncommon to have those feelings of being touched. its kinda like shell shock from the war. there are some vets that hear loud noises and they respond defensively.
    there are trigger spots. they may or may not go away. dont ever feel that you are now useless because your not. the one thing most victims do is place all the blame on themselves .. for past present and future.

    because of what happened, most have built walls around themselves to help protect from ... well .. life.
    if you start slow you can slowly lower that wall. in time, giving trust to ppl here and there helps. the self esteem needs to be rebuilt. that comes mostly from removing the blame that the victim usually places on themselves.
    its my fault, if only i had ... etc etc etc.
    the bottom line is, its not your fault. 99 percent of the victims real emotion at that time, is fear. those that were very young, well they didnt know any differant and the fear they felt is human nature. being very young an attacking adult can and usually does, instill much manipulation. a young child doesnt understand what is happening and therefore the only thing they can do .. through fear is comply.

    most younger victims are no longer around the abuser when they grow up. but what they grew to learn is fear, distrust and the lack of selfesteem etc.

    the simple fact that YOU DID survive what could have talken you down is a sign of strength. everything that you do from that day foreward is a sign of strenght.
    find your strenght inside and understand that you do have it. work from that first.
  7. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Usually it doesnt bother me to be touched but I have phases when it does. Sometimes my husband will rub my thigh and I just freak out. Or sometimes he will touch my back and I cringe. Im normally fine but once in a while it bothers me. Sometimes if someone bumps into me in public I get cringy and panic.. It doesnt happen often though.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    just feel unworthy to be held want to push away your in my space.
  9. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    After my first rape i didnt touch anyone for about 3 or 4 years....like, not even hugs. And...with my most recent ones...I want to be held, but only by a certain person...and I havent actually seen them so i dont know how it will go...and if anyone else touches me i freak out.
  10. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    i hate being touched everywhere
  11. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    I panic if someone touches my throat, unless i really trust the person
  12. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    People can not touch me at all. Expect them of course who have done it anyway. Bigger pain than cutting for me is to become touched. I feel so sick, it hurts, it is PAINFULL, it is disgusting. It rip me bad. It makes me hate myself so much.
  13. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    I hate "innocent" touches that lead to more. Like when my husband rubs my neck, but then wants to take it further. I need it to be separated. Sometimes I just want touches that don't lead to anything else. Touches that are safe.
  14. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    my best friend will have someone touch her which causes flashbacks to the point where she feels him touching her.

    idk how to help :(
  15. My_eyes_lie

    My_eyes_lie Well-Known Member

    I'm aversive to much touch. But can't stand any on my stomach
  16. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    The problem with touch for me is this...

    Touching can be a problem or can be very comforting. The important part is how safe do I feel? If I am fully present and feel safe, then I can say to myself - if and or when the flashback begins...this is not him - this is not then ...

    There has to be a way to stop the pattern - whether it be some sort of sensory grounding such as an item of security that is associated with safety such as a stuffed animal or special blanket - no I am not kidding, it works... or maybe music that is your song and can in no way be associated with the perpetrator, maybe a special perfume...something to bring the situation to the here and now, associated with a safe and stable influence.

    The key is that she knows she is in control and can say no or stop whatever is going on until she feels safe again. With time and effort, you can change the triggers. Stay gentle, stay in tune with each other and stay in control enough to stop if necessary as frustrating as it may be - if you care enough to be in it for the entire war not just the momentary battle. Be kind to yourselves, just like water dripping on a rock, in time the indentation shows up, but it doesn't happen instantly.
  17. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    I don't really like being touched on my biceps (it's where I used to get beaten a lot because I would always turn my body to the side to only my right or left arm was there to hit) , and I'll always jump out of my seat if someone touches me on my back, especially lower back / around my kidneys, for the same reason above; was hit there when I was lying on the floor.
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