Question

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Bloodylegs, Oct 12, 2010.

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  1. Bloodylegs

    Bloodylegs Member

    I have been cutting myself for 4 or 5 years now.
    Recently I have started putting hot metal on my self.
    Even more recently, I have started thinking about dying, death, and suicide in a morbidly fascinated kind of way.
    I have tonnes of stupid shit going on in my life.
    Maybe I want to tell you guys all about it and converse - gain information and hear stories - going back and forth with relatable folks, maybe I just want to see you guys ask me some questions so I know someone gives a hoot, and will not respond.
    Maybe I am enjoying reading your guys similar stories so much I just want to be a part of it.
    Really, I have no idea why I am posting this.
    I just really, really enjoy hurting myself.
    Cheers.
     
  2. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Hey bloodylegs.

    I like that too. I like to heat scissor blades up.

    Plenty of supportive people here if you want to share a bit more about yourself.

    Welcome to the forums anyway.
     
  3. hillsworth13

    hillsworth13 Member

    Welcome, I'm glad you signed up! In your own time, look for inspiration from other people's stories to find another was to make yourself happy!
    Again, welcome :)
     
  4. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Hi
    i can understand were you are coming from when you say you like hurting your self i feel the same some times so your not alone thinking that

    i also have a fascination with death and suicide
    if you ever need to talk about all the stuff that going on for you just pm me
     
  5. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    when i started posting here i felt the same way you did. I actually came here to get triggered by other people's stories.Cutting made me so god damned happy, but eventually i realized that it takes over. It begins to transform you, you stop cutting for being sad, and you start being sad JUST to cut. No matter the method you use to hurt yourself, it is the same effect...pain. I cut myself since 2004 untill recently, we can say ive been sober for the last 8 or 9 months, but i definately know what you are going through, Physical pain makes your body release endorphines (what makes u feel love) and like any other drug, it is addictive.
    The thoughts of death and suicide are soemthing i can relate to, i started cutting it became worse and worse. Back in 2008 and survived an overdose, because pain wouldnt be enough you know?\
    but you dont need to go through all of that, it is a matter of discipline, you need to start thinking about other things. What i recommend is doing exercise, because your body feels exausted and GREAT, and it also produces the endorphines release, so its a win win situation.
    THat is my advice to you mate, no matter what, you can always come here and tell us, and we'll be here for you!:welcome:
     
  6. Bloodylegs

    Bloodylegs Member

    Wow, this site is pretty extensive.
    I still have to figure out how to work it properly - like how to reply to all, if possible.
    In any case - this is me replying to all!
    First off, thanks guys!
    The fact that a few people have already repsonded is surprising and comforting.. there are a lot of us out there I guess!
    I just finished off at the chopping board for the night, and am feeling strangely confident to tell you more about myself, in hopes I will learn more about those who want to share with me.
    I'm 19, love to write - poetry, I guess you could call it - and love to create scars!
    I'm curious when/why you guys hurt yourselves, and where on your body.
    It seems I hurt myself every few days now, whereas I started doing it only when I was feeling a certain awkwardness I couldn't accurately describe.
    Usually I was stuck for a word or a feeling, and knew if I hurt myself my brain would kick into gear. Seeing myself bleed realeased a hidden vocabulary in me that was often quiet eloquent and poetic.
    From there I began doing it for any kind of pick-up. A fight with my girlfriend, bad school marks, stepped in a puddle - anything was an excuse.
    And now, I'm watching my habit (addiction?) evolve before me. It's fascinating, how I can manipulate and manouver my thoughts and feelings and ultimately actions through self hurt.
    I can control it, and I am in command of it.
    I'm glad I can share these thoughts/feelings with you guys.
    I'm not going to kill myself or anything, I just like to hurt myself.
    Enough about me.. tell me if any of my reasons or outcomes are similar, or tell me the differences!
    My curiosity is well intentioned; I'm thinking we can help each other out!
     
  7. AnotherFallenStar

    AnotherFallenStar Well-Known Member

    Wow. I never thought about cutting having that kind of affect on someone. I find it quite fascinating. Do you have any examples of how cutting has had that much effect on you? Like you said about your vocabulary and your ability to find words after cutting. And how you can control you thoughts and such with it too. Really and honestly. I find that really interesting. Why? Because i've never heard of that from anyone else I've met who cuts before.

    As for me I'm just your garden variety self injurer. I self injure for pleasure and punishment and other reasons I'm not proud of at all. My main targets are my shoulders,hips and thighs. Sometimes I will cut on my arms or wrist but only if I'm sure I'll be able to hide it. I've been known to cut on my neck at times. I used to cut everyday for every reason for a while but now I don't do it as much because I'm trying to stop for my best friend. She's trying to stop cutting for me as well.
     
  8. Bloodylegs

    Bloodylegs Member

    Hey Afs.

    I feel I can not show you and examples of how cutting myself has helped me write, without showing you things I have written.
    I am most comfortable doing this in a PM if you are interested, but you would first have to promise to criticize.
    I am interested in your cutting locations!
    It seems you move all over, cutting everywhere.
    If you don't mind me asking, are you a boy or a girl?
    It seems most people I have come across who cut themselves in a variety of locations are girls.
     
  9. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I harm myself when i am feeling more then i can handle. My mind is not able to process my thoughts and i will will cut/burn etc etc. It calms me in most instances.

    I have kept it all to my upper right arm. I've never wanted to risk anyone see it. It's not really where i want to cut so i can get a bit frustrated. I had my wrists tattooed to make me think twice about slitting my wrists. It's helped with preventing impulse attempts.

    I don't do it all that much anymore because well i am feeling a bit more stable and hadn't needed it. Maybe only done it 10 times this year.

    It sounds kind of gross but sometimes i'll leave my blood stained sheets on my bed and that's kind of comforting.
     
  10. AnotherFallenStar

    AnotherFallenStar Well-Known Member

    Oh no I'm no good at criticism! But I do love to read other peoples poetry :)
    Yes I am a girl.
     
  11. Bloodylegs

    Bloodylegs Member

    No good at criticism!?
    I am unsure whether or not I will send you things I have written.
    I am so indecisive.
    Do you write anything?
     
  12. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    50 stitches later it's time for me to quit.

    Day 1
     
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