Questioning myself

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Jagroen, Nov 23, 2012.

  1. Jagroen

    Jagroen Well-Known Member

    Has anyone ever felt so confused, that you might actually be gay/lesbian/bi-sexual after all your life you told yourself that your not?

    Well lately ive been so confused that im starting to question myself and its getting worse and worse...the more "gay" jokes the more i find them offensive/insulting

    Right now, i feel my life is the movie "suicide room"...just had a bad past with things that happened in junior high that still haunt me.
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    I have not had that happen, but then, I have only ever felt attracted to girls and had no need to think about sexual orientation to any such degree before. And the thing about jokes, I have found, is that none of them are truly offensive unless you think of them in that way, based on what you have had pounded in your head by teachers, parents, society as a whole ever since you were young enough to learn. I generally lead a carefree life, so I think nothing about jokes being racist but rather the punch line of the joke and however much it tickles my funny bone. But then, I am an Aussie and we are known around the World for our strange sense of humour...

    Which reminds me:
    Do you remember that old nursery rhyme, Little Bo peep? Well apparently it is a take based on New Zealand and their sheep industry, but the lyrics were changed so that it would be more 'child friendly'. Here is the real nursery rhyme (excuse the contractions, please) -

    "Little Bo Peep had lost her sheep and didn't know where to find them;
    A search revealed
    that they were in the next field
    With a dirty big Kiwi behind them."
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Corey, those jokes could be found offensive if you are not gay, but that aside, it takes so long to know who we are...and who ever you are is OK...sometimes, confusion is a good thing because it forces us to give up our presumed beliefs and view alternatives...sexuality is not one side or is on a continuum...and people who are open to alternatives will have more problems identifying themselves
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun sorry you are feeling so confused right now. It does not matter really hun what sexuality you are in time you will find out what you are more comfortable with what is important hun is who YOU are How you treat people etc Talk to a therapist perhaps hun a councilor to get some guidance hugs
  5. Jagroen

    Jagroen Well-Known Member

    yeah, that makes a little bit of sense but at same time i know im still attracted to girls, but as a guy its weird because i dont know if its the fact that i only have male friends or associates to talk to and hang.. i went from hanging with all girls for like 5 years to not hanging with anyone for 4 years than BAM a year of only hanging with guys. I dont know, i keep asking head hurts and right now i keep feeling like a utter failure...if i do turn out to be gay and my guy friends find out, i will lose them out of fear they think ill hit on them.

    especially after sleepovers when they spend the night or whatever, then they will be scarred for life..."ewww corey is gay and i slept in his bed" i dont want that...i know if it happens i will more than likely take my own life...but right now it hasnt happened and im still here..

    every night ive been cutting just to get a feeling of real life...i have no luck getting a job, no money, dont feel like going out..i stick to my room and play video games and even then those get boring.

    I hope someone can help me realise what i need to do, i really need to get a job so i can meet a girl to change my thoughts...GAHHHH "mind = blown"
  6. alyssaswoon

    alyssaswoon Well-Known Member

    Never hate yourself over something you cannot control (like sexual orientation), it's a part of you whether you like it or not.
    If your friends found out you were gay and reacted by calling you gross and not wanting anything to do with you, were they really good friends to begin with? I'm bisexual myself, some of my friends treated me differently because of it, but my good friends did not. No matter what your sexual orientation is, you're still you. For years I struggled trying to find out exactly what my sexual orientation was, I often hated myself for it, but once you realize there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling you can be true to yourself. After you've accepted yourself things get a lot easier. After all, you're the only person who has to deal with your feelings, so worry about finding yourself more and how your friends will react less.
  7. Jagroen

    Jagroen Well-Known Member

    i wish i was strong enough to deal with all of this stuff thats going on. i went to my friends for a few days and some of his other friends showed up...i wish i never went, i felt so uncomfortable and unwanted they kept maknig fun of me...and it gets me thinking, whats the point of going on if people are just going to make fun of me or just use me, tease me...everybodies parents try and say "be nice and treat others with respect" but the moment people hit the "teens" its like a war out one cares about anyone